Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Six to One
I have been laughing about this since day one. We are, by all accounts, planning a non-traditional and, more importantly, short ceremony. We are thinking that it should last somewhere between 10 and 20 minutes. Despite that, we plan to have a 14 person wedding party. We're definitely going to make the photographers earn it. The procession will probably take longer than the ceremony itself. To put it in perspective - factoring in attrition and no-shows (yes, I have friends who bail last minute), 10% of our 'expected' attendance will be part of the wedding party. You read that right...10%
Nothing says the holidays like organizing a wedding party. Thankfully, I am much, MUCH better at it than H. Of the 14 people in the wedding party - 7 have been asked. Of those 7 - I have asked 6. Do the math. Not only that, when H did finally ask somebody (her good girlfriend from IULaw), she totally stole my build-up and speech!! (In fairness, I did get author's credit).
That said, this decision was difficult. How do you fit so many important people into one of the more seminal events of your life. I have three brothers. They were a shoe-in. My little brother is my best man - which I am excited about. He and I have really grown close since my Dad died in 2005. We watch lots of Arsenal soccer together. I have really enjoyed getting to know him these last few years and I am proud of the man he has become. I asked him several weeks ago while we were over at he and his wife's house for dinner and drinks. I asked my older brothers over the Christmas holiday. I am very excited that they each agreed to do this for and with me. After that, while I was in Indianapolis for the second part of Christmas, I asked H's step-brother - who I am a big fan of and H has become very close to. He is a great guy, who is family to both H and I. These were the easy decisions.
For the other three spots - I decided to look at my life. I have been honored to be in every wedding that I have stood up in. Unfortunately, circumstances disallow me to ask each of these friends to stand with me on my wedding day. If I could, I would. That has been the most difficult part: the realization that I cannot have every important person in my life up there with me. I know that these people, having been married themselves, understand, but that doesn't make it any less difficult.
I have asked 2 of the 3 (so, if you're reading this, keep your trap shut until I finish this). Each of these individuals are extremely important to me. Each have had a profound impact on my life and each are close friends who I trust and value. They are colleagues, confidants, peers and men who I measure myself against and always come up short. They have been there with me at my lowest, celebrated with me at my best, and have kept me grounded when I stray off path. I am proud to have each of them in my life.
So, thats done. Sappy enough? The good news for these guys, is that I am a low maintenance groom. I eschew tuxes in favor of black suits - that way, they can smoke em if they got em, or they can go out and buy one and use it forever. My bachelor party will not raise any eyebrows of their significant others. There will be no hookers, strippers or suck for a buck tee-shirts. I don't see us on Rush and Division - or anywhere close, actually. I'm old and boring...I'll probably be in bed by 10:30.
Maybe I'll update when I add that final piece. But two things are for sure - I am honored that these guys have all agreed to stand up there with me and, 2.) H has some catching up to do.