Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Keeping House...

When I told H that, rather than starting a new blog (again), I was just going to expand on the already realized incarnation of "My Name is on the Invite Too" she was (with cause) skeptical. She had a million questions centered mainly about the content. To each, I simply responded with "I don't know." I guess the dusting off of something that was such a cathartic mouthpiece is strange. MNIONTIT was wedding-focused, to say the least. Now that we're married, what else is there to talk about? In a word...everything.

For the last 18 months H and I have been getting used to being married...which, truth be told, we didn't expect. As far as I was concerned, we had it pretty figured out. We had lived together for 2 years before even getting engaged.  We had our routines. We had our DVR. We had the "Real Housewives" franchise and Andy Cohen (Andy Cohen's got the 4-1-1) to keep us entertained. I think, at points, we got by and by doing so - we became a sort of updated "Odd Couple" - with me playing Felix to H's Oscar (seriously, this girl never uses the same glass twice). I mean this, weirdly, is a compliment to our relationship. The love was always there - but, so too, was a comfort - a comfort around each other and a comfort for the routine of our day-to-day lives.

Since we were married, it just feels...heavier.

Somewhere between the 'I do's' and after the honeymoon, something changed. I will definitely blame some of it on the cards we have been dealt since the marriage. Some of it may be blamed on my job situation. Losing a job is hard. As unfortunate as it is, after just two weeks of marriage (on my first day back to work after Curacao), I became unemployed. The first big news we received as husband and wife (or partners)(for you neo-feminists) was bad news. It has been hard to reconcile that - amidst the excitement of being newlyweds - that we were in (are in) a struggle. Not only was I force-fed the revelation that I was not where I wanted to be as a grown-up, but I also had to reconcile that this is what H knows of marriage. That, virtually our entire married life, we have been scrambling to make ends meet while still maintaining some modicum of our previous life.

Some of the pressure I feel may be chalked up to my "traditional" (read: archaic) views on marriage - one that is largely predicated on a baby-boomeresque ideology  - echoing my parents' marriage. That - as the husband, I am more responsible for the well-being of both of us.  I admit that, in 2011, this is pretty antiquated. But - my parents were married for 40 years. So, its pretty much the only set-up I know.

Thankfully, I married a girl that minored in women's studies at Miami and would not take my hand to cross the street unless she just had lasik surgery. It has taken a little bit of getting used to. Its hard for me to put my ego aside and work in tandem to insure that the collective is at the forefront of our marriage. I am a work in progress. Lord knows that I need my hand held from time to time just as H needs me to take care of her and let her know that it will be alright.

I think, though, the struggles we endured early on have forced us to learn how to work as partners faster than maybe it normally would. To allow us to be a collective. To have the hard conversations. To deal with problems and to solve problems. To learn when to take a back seat and let the other drive (metaphorically) H is a terrible driver)(I am worse). And maybe, for me, that's the most gratifying part of this marriage - that we are figuring it out together. That we share each other's tiny victories and sweeping successes and bear one other's setbacks together. That neither of us are ever alone.

Maybe then, it has not been in vain (gratuitous "The Odd Couple" paraphrase from last episode")(I could not resist).

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Didn't see this coming...

The sophomore effort was a complete failure...If this blog was "3 Feet High and Rising", clearly then, my second effort was "De La Soul is Dead."

"My Wife Would Rather I Share this with You" is dead, I guess.

I really do not know where this will take me/us. It would be criminal to believe that I could capture the same spirit as the wedding blog did. That was a one-off, obviously. But, I did my best writing (if you call blogging an actual form of writing)(for sake of argument, I do) here. I know this place. Its nooks. Its crannies. I am comfortable here. Writing as a (now) husband/partner to a beautiful woman. Writing as an enthusiast for bus gossip and reality television. Writing as a complete nut-job about traffic patterns, punctuality and Arsenal Football (soccer to you Americans).

Maybe, as Jim Kremens once sang, "[t]his is the place, we'll be all right."

Monday, March 8, 2010

Dusting it off...

Given that H and I are nearly six months into our journey as husband and wife and given the exciting news I/we are about to share, I thought it only appropriate that I give the people what they want and dust off the old blog.

You're welcome.

I am constantly shocked and flattered by the feedback I have received on my little endeavor. This all started as a way for me to deal with the thought that I would have a large part in our wedding planning and it ended up as a love letter to my beautiful wife, H and our relationship. To hear stories about people (whom we have never met) skipping nights out with friends so they can get to know H and I better is incredibly humbling. Whatever you feel about kismet or fate or what-have-you, I feel in my heart of hearts that H and I were meant to be together and I am glad that you humored me over 60+ overwritten posts and that that message alone leaps off your screen every time you read.

So, with that said, thank you.

Now for the news...

I know that moms and mother-in-laws are reading this with fingers crossed, so I will just let you know that it is not that...and really? Do you think I would tell you over a blog. Get to know us. Sheesh.

You have read here about our incredible wedding planner, Monica Richard and the amazing Detail+Design team, including Gene Huddleson. And you may remember a post about a year ago in which I vaguely detailed the ISES PACE awards given for outstanding work in the event planning and design world (which also includes event photography)(more on that in a minute). I think last year, Monica and D+D went 8-for-8 in the categories that they submitted for. Keeping true to form, they are, once again, winners...and our wedding was one of the submissions they won for!

I will admit it...we were nervous. We wanted this badly...for Monica, of course. It is so important to H and I that she and D+D are recognized for the amazing event that they planned on our behalf. Our wedding would not have been the same without their incredible vision, diligence, hand-holding (sorry!) and - dare I say - organization. It all came together so beautifully and wonderfully and we are forever indebted to them. H and I would recommend them to anyone looking for a wedding planner and design team  - and, in fact, we have - on Martha Stewart's wedding website.

We would be remiss if we failed to mention that our photographers, Nathaniel Edmunds, were also honored as best team photographers and, if I am not mistaken, for our event as well. Again, we are so happy for Nate and Tiffany - the brother/sister team at NEP. We were so excited to learn the day before the wedding that both Nate and Tiffany were teaming up to shoot our wedding. We had developed a friendship with both of them and felt so comfortable with them -  plus the moments they were able to capture perfectly encapsulated the wedding - not the least, H, finally able to get on the dance floor, signing the marriage certificate on my back, so she can continue dancing, sans interruption (true story). They were, without reservation, the perfect photographers for us.

Congratulations to all of you (and the rest of the nominees as well).

Where to now? Is that the end of "My Name in on the Invite Too?" - sadly, yes. The thank-you cards have been sent (my name is on the Thank You cards too), the dress put away, and cupcakes remain in our freezer, frozen and anxiously awaiting our first anniversary.

The good news, however, is that I have started writing again - my new project is underway and can be found here. I don't know where that project will take you or even me, but I promise, it will be a self-aggrandizing and funny ride.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Beginning...

My wife is sleeping.

That has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? And it should too, since H and I were married this past weekend in what was the best night of my life and (but for my golf game and Arsenal's 4-2 loss to citeh) the most perfect and memorable weekend I have ever had.

I know weddings are like babies - everyone thinks their kid is cute and well behaved, just as everyone person two days after getting married, thinks their wedding was the most amazing event ever...but, seriously, our wedding was the most amazing night ever. Everything. Was. Perfect.

I could go into some detail, gushing about each and every person that made this wedding so amazing, but then I would feel like Miley Cyrus accepting a Teen Choice Award ("God. Hellllloooo!") - so, I will save that for the letters and cards and recommendations and e-mails, and wall posts and everything else. Lets just say that everyone - vendors, planners, parents and all the guests - made this wedding what it was and H and I are incredibly fortunate to start our life together surrounded by the love, laughter and good people. Without our friends and family, H and I would not be possible. Each of them accept us as a couple that may be a little left of center, that has their pug as their flower girl and that chooses a reading from Ben Folds' first solo album, rather than a scripture. They let us be the couple we are and appreciate us for that. It will not be forgotten or taken for granted.

So, you may ask, whats next for us - in a word - everything (maybe even live blogging from the honeymoon). Thank you so much for being a part of our day and for the love and support and friendship that you have provided both of us over the last 12 months of the engagement.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Sleepless in Chicago...

H has been complaining lately that - consumed with anxiety about the wedding - she has not been able to sleep. I, on the other hand, have been sleeping like a baby...

Until last night.

I had my first "everything is going to go wrong at the wedding" nightmare. Not good times. This one was pretty simple - My groomsmen and I were all lining up before the ceremony (in my parents' kitchen, strangely). There were two fundamental problems. First, I was in a black shirt and white tie with a black coat and white lapels. Not a big deal - in my dream, I was going to fix that by running to Macys. Even Dream me thinks quick on his feet.

The second issue was a little more complicated. One of my groomsmen was replaced by a dirty drunk version of somebody I went to high school with - who was wearing the exact same thing as me, but with cargo pants.


Rest assured - I checked the closet this morning. My shirt is still white.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Entering Washington...

H and I spent the weekend in Washington D.C. Which was nice. It was good to get out of town and this was my first time in our Nation's capitol. I was one of the few people in my 8th grade class who's parents pulled him out of the Washington D.C. trip on account of Desert Storm. Thank god, right? If my parents were parents in the 60's, I would have loved to see their bomb shelter. In any event, that week LZJHS treated the 8th graders to a movie. I got to go see "White Fang." Which was pretty awesome. I have always loved Ethan Hawke's early works. He was a genius. Its a shame what has happened to him since he started writing books.

H and I were in town for a college friend of hers who was getting married in Northern Virginia and were staying with her good friend Sarah and her husband Karl - who were nice enough to take us in, feed us and buy us chappy beers. Karl and Sarah - if you're reading - thank you. We had a great time.

The trip started a little rough. I am neurotic. I have airport issues. I don't travel well. I am constantly distracted. I drive H crazy. Really crazy. Until we are actually in the air, I am a mess. Naturally, our flight left 90 minutes late. So, I was pretty relaxed. If I was seated next to children I would have lost it. It wasn't until we saw the Washington Monument from the plane that I finally calmed down. I'm awesome. I have no idea what H sees in me sometimes.

We spent most of Friday site-seeing and grasshopper eating (hello Oyamel!) and then had drinks at Oya (which, according to H is the best decorated place she has ever been in)(it was pretty awesome). We housed several drinks and met her girlfriends for dinner (note: I was a total cock in the henhouse - one of two husbands/boyfriends able to make the wedding) at some Tapas place near the Verizon center. I was kind of shocked, but DC was a pretty good food town thus far.

H's friends Cindy and Steve were married on Saturday. This is only the second wedding H and I have been to together since we have been engaged. At the first one - back in March - we weren't really thinking about our wedding. This time we were. The wedding was elegant and beautiful - and we had such a wonderful time - and it scared us sh*tless. It magnified all the things we need to do before we even get to the Library. First, we have so much work to do. There are a million little things to do here in the next several weeks. We are not sleeping. We are stressed. Good times. Ultimately, we know we can lean on Monica and she'll guide us (I am sure she has this all under control) through the process. The wedding is basically planned - we just need to put the finishing touches on it. But that does not diminish the fact that it still needs to get done. We want to avoid those horror stories you hear about staying up until 5 AM making place cards - that would be a nightmare.

The second thing this wedding showed was what we are missing at our wedding. Both H and I have lost people in our lives that would be central to this process. It wasn't until the traditional parent dances that this struck me - and it weighed on H too. We had a great night, but when the wedding was over, we went straight back to Karl and Sarah's house and sat on the porch and broke down. Both of us were a mess. I have not been able to put it too far from my mind since then (I blame H). I am going to miss my Dad that day - I am going to miss that talk I get to have with him about marriage - afterall, he made it work for 40+ years before he passed away. I just miss him. Its funny that weddings and funerals are probably the only two things that really bring this out (and Northwestern v. Wisconsin)(for completely different reasons).

I think we needed this. I think H needed to know that I am just as bothered by this missing piece as she is... that we're a team and that we're in this together. I think its one of the real unique things about H and I. We've shared this incredible loss. She came into my life less than a year after I lost my Dad and supported me and I have leaned on her (whether she knows it or not) ever since. I know I can count on her and only pray that she counts on me for the same support. So - we sat on the porch and we cried. Together.

The next morning we packed up and quietly left DC. When we boarded our flight and I was seated next to two 9-year olds flying without their parents - H just laughed.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Hotel Indianapolis

Hey everyone - just a reminder - if you plan on staying in the room block at the hotel, please reserve your room sooner rather than later. The NFL schedule was released a few weeks back and the Indianapolis Colts open up that weekend at home against Jacksonville. Our fear is that the block will be opened up and people are going to miss out on the special room rates - and have a difficult time finding a room in the city on account of the game. The Jags travel large. I mean, who wouldn't want to leave Jacksonville, right? The hotel information is on the Save-the-Date cards and/or the invite (or you can e-mail H or I and we will give you the information). Awesome.