Suck for a buck...

This weekend is H's bachelorette party...blurgh.

I'm kidding. Aside from the part in which I was politely asked to leave for the weekend, I am excited for H. She needs a weekend with her friends doing whatever it is that they do (usually screaming sing-a-songs and dancing to the Roots)(it doesn't matter where they are)(seriously). My understanding is that this is not going to be a typical Rush/Division bachelorette party with suck for a buck t.shirts, veils and phallic earrings...I love that this is not H's style. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with that style, its just so...gauche. The girls on "Bridezillas" do it this way - I'm just saying.

I can go either way on bachelor/bachelorette parties. I think they are a necessary evil to the process. H and I have talked about this more than I care to admit: I don't like the archaic view that this is the man/woman's "last night out as a single" - something that you see often with bachelor parties. Its so 80's in that Tom Hanks, donkey on amphetamines sort of way. I think that that ideology only encourages being a jackass and maybe makes the whole thing bigger than it needs to be. It doesn't have to be an "anything goes" or "whatever happens in Bar Chicago stays in Bar Chicago" sort of event. It should reflect the person they are meant to celebrate and not the other way around. (Admittedly, I am not a strip club guy - ipso facto - we're not going to a strip club for my party).

From what I can gather, this is a really well thought out and "H-esque" weekend centered on all the girls catching up and enjoying each other's company - with some woman's empowerment type activities thrown in. Big props to the MOH, Midge, who has been a rockstar planner. She seems to have everything covered and I can't tell you how much I appreciate her commitment to her maid of honor role.

So, ladies - have a great time this weekend, keep your tee shirts with lifesavers taped to them at home and call the guy from your gym that you want to jump out of a cake(?) and tell him to make other plans and just take care of my girl.

Man Code?

It appears that I have a preternatural ability to separate the wheat from the chafe - or in this case, the d from the bag. Last week while America was guffawing over Dave - the Midwest sweetheart who was so enamored with Jillian that he froze for 13 seconds when introducing himself- I said he looks like a bad drunk who takes off his shirt in bars before he gets in a fight. Dave - you're so predictable. Big pat on my back. H is always amazed (or annoyed) that I espouse to know a lot about men's personalities and their nefarious ulterior motives. But, with 3 brothers and 70 roommates (if you count every frat bro as a roommate) - I think I have seen it all. It was no surprise to me then that Dave was the typical small Midwest city meat head wanna be alpha dog who says things like "man code violation" when someone apparently doesn't do a shot of tequila. It was a surprise that there was a hint of homphobia in his ranting - considering these guys - including Juan, the man who has apparently drawn Dave's ire - are on a show seeking to date a woman. Brilliant. At least two recaps I read mentioned "Laramie" when describing this guy's ranting. Thats never good. America is scared. Be warned - this is not the last we have seen (and I am not just saying that because I saw next week's previews). I am guessing that there will be some subtle chest to chesting in next weeks episode. I wouldn't rule out a head-butt - like the one that Chad layed on BO-hio on the Tila Tequila show - wow.

Enough already - on to the show

Week two in the Bachelorette franchise is always interesting for me, the viewer. It is here that you start to see the personalities of the people (something that you can't even begin to tell in the first episode). Usually, this is not a good thing as most suitors don't really have a personality. Maybe thats why Jillian was so refreshing in the first place.

With that, it is clear that there are about 5 good dudes in this house and 12 spazzes, creeps, dweebs or dirtbags. Thankfully, Jillian has managed to keep the good guys in the house and even send a spaz (Bryan) and a creep (Julien) home to their mothers. Both of those guys bugged me last week. Julien with his side cocked head and Bryan with...well, him. Julien was pretty much out when he didn't get a date this week - Bryan (who smartly wore Snow's glasses from the hit video 'Informer') was dead in the water when he mistook the Bachelorette for "Paradise Hotel 2." Jesus fella. Keep em on.

I was saddened by the loss of Simon - the Brit. He was never going to win, but he was harmless and the out take of him misprounouncing 'hard' and then telling the other dudes that he was the only one who spoke proper english was funny.

Highlights/Lowlights

Once again, I won't really do much of a synposis of the episode. The internet is teeming with bachelorette blogs - I am not nearly as funny.

- Tanner and Mike the breakdancer in the mini-cooper was hilarious in that white trash "Deal or No Deal" screaming idiot sort of way.
- Seeing all the dudes on the first group date reminded me of my first ill fitting tux.
- Brad - from Chicago - is really bad. He seems like he is rude to waiters and cab drivers. Plus, he was wearing a burberry tie - I saw those at Filene's Basement a few weeks ago. You can't get anything past me Brad!
- As bad as Brad is - Wes is 10X worse. H said it best: that guy is 32 years old - why does his hair do that? He seems like those Moms on Real Housewives that are borrowing their 15 year old daughters clothes. Plus - the swoop in on some one-on-one time was jackassery 101. I will give him some credit - since he seems mildly 'touched' - and for the fact that he makes no apologies about it, but still. I really hope that he is gone in the next two episodes, but definitely have a feeling he'll be around to the Final 4 or 5.
- Jillian loves the booze. The producers may want to think about watering down her wine Jesus style.
- Speaking of our girl - she seems to be in two minds about what she wants - there are several clean cut dudes still in the house, whom she likes - but then there are some guys that are just rough - she calls them bad boys - I call them d-bags.
- We were really uncomfortable with the Jake jackhammer. I was half hoping that he would get punched in the sack for that move. He seems like a good enough guy - I, however, immediately distrust somebody that "wide eyed" though (and anybody that still wears pleated slacks). Stay tuned.
- The basketball game was funny...I remember when my body decided that my athletics were in my past.
- Big ups to Mike (who was no. 5 on my d-bag list last week). He totally redeemed himself with the speedo plunge.
-Juan is kind of out for us - while I don't condone how he was treated by Dave - he is kind of creepy.

Our roses

I still like Ed - but he had no screen time this week. So, we'll see. H likes Jesse, but points out that a guy like that would never hit on Jillian at a bar. He would be too busy harassing the waitress. Jillian seems to really like Kiptyn - H pointed out that he may be this year's Graham - the guy that stays around because he is good to look at. I throw my "Reid" hat in the ring. He showed a little bit this week. So, those guys, plus pleated pants Jake, I think round out our top fiver.

I think next week will be really telling - if she falls for the moonlight serenade by a 32 year old country western singer who probably owns at least 2 items of Hollister gear, then maybe we don't know our girl at all...

I now pronounce you...um...what?

One of the more interesting subplots to the wedding thing is the concept of identities and the fact that they arbitrarily change between the engagement - when you go from being the boyfriend/girlfriend to fiance/e as quickly as you can get her to say yes - and the wedding day. Since last September, neither H nor I have grown particularly comfortable calling each other the 'f' word - more traditionally opting for boyfriend or girlfriend, respectively. I thought this was a temporary stopgap until we get married - that the feeling of discomfort would subside when we get married and confirm as such in front of all our virtual friends on facebook with a relationship status change. Imagine my surprise when I learned that H can't yet wrap her head around calling me her husband. Its another word that just feels foreign to her. I am assuming that this comes from a long held belief that she would never "take a husband." Or that - for 30 months now I have been her "boyfriend" and that she resists change. We have been bandying about alternatives to call me (for the record, I am OK with calling her my wife). Here is what we have come up with so far (with my thoughts on each):

- Lover (too Jackie Collins)
- Partner (too androgynous)

- Boyfriend (not enough)
- life-partner (too new-agey)
- Guy she married (too much like a Kevin James Sitcom) - plus, could you imagine that moment when the Judge pronounces us "guy she married and wife" - it doesn't sound right.

So, where do we go from here? I think this is one of those small instances where it is clear that I am just more traditional than H. I see no real problem with this transition. Does she? I ultimately do not think so - maybe she was just having one of those moments where words just seem funny sounding.

"Chet. Chet." (OK - that one was for one person who I know reads this blog).

Hiatus

H and I took a much needed hiatus from all things wedding this weekend and instead decided to celebrate a real holiday - my 32nd birthday. I think this was important (not the birthday stuff - there have been points in the last year that I have forgotten how old I am), but rather, a weekend like a normal couple doing normal things and talking about something other than the wedding. I think there is a shared fear between H and I that we are going to get married and there is going to be this lull because we don't have the wedding to plan. Its silly, we know, but, seriously, we talk about it... a lot. Its not to say we don't enjoy the conversation. One of my favorite nights this year was doing the Save the Date cards - we split a bottle (or three) of wine and sat around the dining room table listening to music and talking about the wedding.

But, the wedding is one day, and we have a lifetime ahead of us. So, with that said, it was nice to have a date weekend - complete with fancy dinners, day drinking, birthday parties, dance parties, late night burritos and hangovers. For three days, at least, we didn't have the wedding hanging over our heads and that was - in a word - nice.

I won't go into all the details - I will actually go into very little detail - only to say that, once again, H nailed it on my birthday dinner (and breakfast)(she somehow got up at 6 AM with me and made me waffles and turkey sausage). For dinner, we went to the Publican in the West Loop. It was outstanding - just my kind of place. The menu, the crowd and the vibe were all perfect. I think H and I were unsure how I would handle the community seating approach (think giant dinner party), but we were seated at a corner of a large table - which felt extremely intimate. Our server was extremely cordial and the food (the dover sole and the mussels) was remarkable. I would recommend it to anyone that asks.

Thank you Bubs - you're the best