Thursday, January 15, 2009

Couch Potatoes

One of the more interesting by-products of the wedding planning has been our increased television consumption (which is saying a lot - since we are pretty solid TV consumers right now). Naturally, our affinity for trashy reality television has blended nicely with the wedding planning and has resulted in a variety of wedding planning reality shows on our DVR (that's digital video recorder for the TiVo legions) . Seriously.

I can't get enough.

If its not "Whose Wedding is it Anyway?" its "Say Yes to the Dress." Invariably, there is some wedding countdown show with snarky commentary. I love those. These are all well and great (and they are great) - but not a single one of them holds a candle to "Bridezillas." That show - in the parlance of junior high times - is off the chain. It is totally car crash television and for awhile there I wouldn't cover my eyes, lest I miss the next firework. I expect the couple in WWIIA? spending $1mil on a wedding to be complete A-holes...what I didn't expect is the bride with a $2,000 budget and having a pot-luck wedding dinner to be just as demanding as the $1mil couple. Crazy doesn't look at bank statements, apparently.

So, for those who have not been indoctrinated to B-Zillas - it is a reality show about crazy, needy, irrational brides in the weeks leading up to their wedding. It has, with zero doubt, given me a new appreciation for just how relaxed H has been thus far in the process, because, these b**** be crazy.

Now, I don't know if its for television or just the constitution of these "ladies" but it seems to me that each one of them is out to sabotage their own wedding and make their bridesmaids hate them in the process - at least two of the episodes showed brides activitely plotting against their bridesmaids. Last time I checked, those ladies are supposed to be of some import to the Bride - so, then, whats the point of telling the girl she needs to drop some LBs and get her lip waxed or purposely picking dresses that will look horrible on just about everyone?

These women were bad - Lisa Copola, literally took the cake (and shoved it into her father-in-law's face for daring to have a birthday the same night of her rehearsal dinner)(WTF?). Lisa was the reason why H and I watched BZ for two hours straight one night. So, you have a struggling take away her medication and you videotape her in the weeks leading up to re-marrying her ex-husband and hilarity ensues. But not "Everybody Loves Raymond" hilarity - rather the kind that is funny because it is so over the top and unbelievable that there are no other reactions available. Other than the cake stuffing incident, she also destroyed her veil (because it was a wisp too big)(um, have it altered), dropped a $10K ring into a glass of wine, because it was not exactly what she wanted (even though, according to her ex-new-husband, it was), ruined her relationship with her daughter, berated and belittled a repairman to the point that he walked off the job, and literally went Hiroshima on a travel agent because her dream trip to Bora-Bora was in limbo (at $9k a person - it should have been). In my favorite scene - at her ex-new-husband's attorney's office - the couple outlines the terms of a pre-nup. When Lisa is told she doesn't have any assets, she grabs her boobs and says something to the way of "what about these right here?" I nearly spit up my drink. Naturally, like a good lawyer (they do exist) - when she was out of the room - his lawyer turned to him and said (paraphrasing) "what the hell are you doing?" Thank god he got on tape that this guy was going against the advice of counsel - that may come in handy someday.

I thank Lisa and all the other crazies - seriously - for reminding me how lucky I am. The wedding planning process has been pretty smooth. H doesn't often pull rank and has been extremely rational through this whole process. Of course, the second she starts acting up, I am threatening to call the WE channel and getting a camera crew out to our house. That should bring her back to earth.

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