Thursday, December 18, 2008
The List...a numbers game.
The day after the engagement, H and I sat at Wishbone with her parents, nursed red wine and champagne hangovers, ate cheese grits for some extra stomach coating and talked about the wedding.
H's Mom was emphatic that we begin making a list of people we are going to invite to this clambake (not literally a clambake - rather, I think "Clueless" was on last night somewhere and I recall one of the characters ("Christian"??) using that phrasing rather judiciously). Suddenly, we need to really look hard at this - I mean how many people do we want at this thing - what is appropriate? What does our budget allow? How big is the space? How many people do we know (note: I have over 400 friends on Facebook - eat that Tila!)?
We started at a rough number 0f 200 - including guests that our parents invite. When it came down to it, we laid out some criteria - if we don't speak to these people, we need to seriously evaluate whether they'll be invited. Who would make the trip? Who weirds us out? Who is going to stress us out? What relationships stand to change - I mean, we're friends now, will we be friends in September, 2009? Who, ultimately, is wedding worthy? Blurgh!
I hate that we have to make these decisions. I mean, we're very fortunate to be where we are. We have surrounded ourselves with great people all of our lives and there are teems of people who are special to us. But, this wedding is about where we are now. I had some great friends in high school. One, in particular, I haven't spoken to in almost 3 years. How can I justify that invite?
Thankfully, I hold grudges...hard. An off-color comment about my sweater or gray hair 9 months ago, may get you on the maybe list, where you feel you should be a solid invite. Don't call me back? Don't worry about booking a flight. So - we started the List. It wasn't too painful. We were going to actually come in under our number - way under, actually. Like 40 or so plates under - nice. With the normal attrition - maybe even more since our wedding is the week after Labor Day weekend - we are looking at an intimate wedding - 150 people tops. Perfect.
Until H gets drinks in her...
I love her...let that be said. She is so sweet. She hates to let people down. These should not be character flaws. Somehow, people have figured this out. An industrious person, who may be angling for an invite to an event 10 months away may mention to H that they would like to come to the wedding. Rather than saying something like - we're not even close to having a list complete - H, through blood shot eyes and purple lips INVITES THEM!! The way this thing is going, I am half-surprised that she hasn't posted an event invite on Facebook.
We're going to have to fly M - our planner - up here to stage a bride-intervention. H is addicted to inviting people...is she keeps this up, our little, discreet, elegant affair will soon turn into just us and our 500 closest friends, hair stylists, nail techs and mail carriers.