I now pronounce you...um...what?

One of the more interesting subplots to the wedding thing is the concept of identities and the fact that they arbitrarily change between the engagement - when you go from being the boyfriend/girlfriend to fiance/e as quickly as you can get her to say yes - and the wedding day. Since last September, neither H nor I have grown particularly comfortable calling each other the 'f' word - more traditionally opting for boyfriend or girlfriend, respectively. I thought this was a temporary stopgap until we get married - that the feeling of discomfort would subside when we get married and confirm as such in front of all our virtual friends on facebook with a relationship status change. Imagine my surprise when I learned that H can't yet wrap her head around calling me her husband. Its another word that just feels foreign to her. I am assuming that this comes from a long held belief that she would never "take a husband." Or that - for 30 months now I have been her "boyfriend" and that she resists change. We have been bandying about alternatives to call me (for the record, I am OK with calling her my wife). Here is what we have come up with so far (with my thoughts on each):

- Lover (too Jackie Collins)
- Partner (too androgynous)

- Boyfriend (not enough)
- life-partner (too new-agey)
- Guy she married (too much like a Kevin James Sitcom) - plus, could you imagine that moment when the Judge pronounces us "guy she married and wife" - it doesn't sound right.

So, where do we go from here? I think this is one of those small instances where it is clear that I am just more traditional than H. I see no real problem with this transition. Does she? I ultimately do not think so - maybe she was just having one of those moments where words just seem funny sounding.

"Chet. Chet." (OK - that one was for one person who I know reads this blog).

Hiatus

H and I took a much needed hiatus from all things wedding this weekend and instead decided to celebrate a real holiday - my 32nd birthday. I think this was important (not the birthday stuff - there have been points in the last year that I have forgotten how old I am), but rather, a weekend like a normal couple doing normal things and talking about something other than the wedding. I think there is a shared fear between H and I that we are going to get married and there is going to be this lull because we don't have the wedding to plan. Its silly, we know, but, seriously, we talk about it... a lot. Its not to say we don't enjoy the conversation. One of my favorite nights this year was doing the Save the Date cards - we split a bottle (or three) of wine and sat around the dining room table listening to music and talking about the wedding.

But, the wedding is one day, and we have a lifetime ahead of us. So, with that said, it was nice to have a date weekend - complete with fancy dinners, day drinking, birthday parties, dance parties, late night burritos and hangovers. For three days, at least, we didn't have the wedding hanging over our heads and that was - in a word - nice.

I won't go into all the details - I will actually go into very little detail - only to say that, once again, H nailed it on my birthday dinner (and breakfast)(she somehow got up at 6 AM with me and made me waffles and turkey sausage). For dinner, we went to the Publican in the West Loop. It was outstanding - just my kind of place. The menu, the crowd and the vibe were all perfect. I think H and I were unsure how I would handle the community seating approach (think giant dinner party), but we were seated at a corner of a large table - which felt extremely intimate. Our server was extremely cordial and the food (the dover sole and the mussels) was remarkable. I would recommend it to anyone that asks.

Thank you Bubs - you're the best

Yikes - at least there was breakdancing.

As embarrassing as it sounds, make no mistake about it - H and I are big Jillian Harris Fans. I am guessing that most of you have no effing clue who Jillian Harris is - thats OK. Unless you are addicted to catastrophic reality match making shows like the Bachelor franchise, you probably shouldn't know who she is. She was the big winner in the Jason Mesnick sweepstakes last season on the Bachelor - by big winner, I mean, she was in the top three and was not chosen. Now - as the fates and America will have it, she is this season's "Bachelorette."

H and I thought it would be funny if I kind of reviewed the show (each week? maybe? If I have the energy). Please know that between her and I there is a 120 minute running commentary in the house - so this recap is as much her as it is me. Admittedly, I watched the Bachelor before meeting H. I think I started sometime in the Andrew Firestone season and have been a semi-regular viewer since then. I do think, however, that it is funny what my television regimen has become. Lets just say I definitely know what happened on the Real Housewives of New Jersey last night, but do not know the Cubs' score. The things we give up for co-habitation. There are currently 4 "Whose Wedding is it Anyway?" and 3 "Say Yes to the Dress!" episodes on our DVR right now...and 'we' plan to watch all of them (I usually fall asleep unless the wedding planner/dress buyer is especially bitchy).

That said, H and I are Bachelorette watchers and were glued to the television Monday night as 30(!) suitors vied for national exposure...and Jillian's heart - who says you can't have both!?! I have read other blogs/recaps of the episode - their thoughts were pretty much spot-on. For a full recap, you have to read the TV Watch one - she is hilarious. I will do my very best to avoid stealing her thoughts/quips on this episode...and I don't have the notes or skill to remember who is who - H and I know who we like thus far and who we don't like. There are a few that we are up in the air on and a few that we definitely think are closeted. I swear the whole "meet the stags" portion of the show was like an ambiguously gay workout video. Each one of these guys is good looking and each had at least an 8-pack stomach (I think Kiptyn's abs had little abs). Is this what reality TV has come to? I am paraphrasing something I heard on a Sports Guy podcast - but, this season of the Bachelorette and the Road Rules/Real World Challenge may prompt the television execs that be to start drug testing. These dudes are all jacked - where do they find the time? Is there a secret reality TV ranch style workout facility where these guys spend 8 hours a day doing sit-ups? It can't be natural.

That aside - I know its the first episode and that we don't really know anything about these dudes (note - almost all of these guys are dudes or bros - very few are actually men), but I am serious when I say that I don't see that many potential good guys for Jillian (or anyone else really). During the Mesmick season, H and I earmarked both Melissa, Naomi and Jillian right off the bat - Molly was the dark horse. And what do you know - Mellissa, Naomi and Jillian were in the final four. The Deanna season, H was immediately smitten with Jeremy and we had a feeling that Mesnick and Graham would go far - again - what do you know? This season is going to be a little more difficult.

First off - I have read in two places that people like Stephen (?) - the lawyer from NY. Our immediate reaction was "d-bag." Now - I am a lawyer and I will say this - most lawyers that just got out of law school are complete tools - present company included. I cry myself to sleep at night thinking about how big of a d-bag I was right after I graduated. I routinely found myself half-drunk on Friday mornings and on Rush & Division at 4 AM or wearing wristbands and yelling Pearl Jam lyrics at strangers from a moving cab. Note to all ladies - newly admitted lawyers are all ego maniacs that need their ass kicked (PSA over).

Also - Dave, the guy she gave the first impression rose to - Really?!? I Guarantee that he is a bad drunk and gets into someone's face this season. He just seems aggressive in that 'I take my shirt off at bars and get in fights' sort of way. Not good.

Speaking of shirts - who dresses these guys? Please tell me that they didn't do this to themselves. I am a firm believer that there are only a few colored shirts that should be worn with a suit - white, pale blue and pink. I swear, I think the Sopranos made dudes feel it was cool to wear some gawd awful colored shirts - shout out to Tanner in his electric green - nice choice Bro. It seems weird that someone who has fashion sense like Jillian has some of these jamokes as her suitors. I guess if it isn't a tank top (to show off tribal band tattoo) then these bros are toast.

My First Impression Rose

So - who do we like? I think the Pilot - Jake - stands a chance. Though - he seemed creepy - creepy like "I have a second family in Tuscon and they don't know that I am here, but I had to be here to meet you, Jillian" sort of way. He is just waaay too into her for such a short period of time. I liked the breakdancer. He might be young. Juan was cool - but he has that "follow you into every room you go into"/"Sleeping with the Enemy" quality about him. We'll see how this pans out.

My pick thus far would be Ed from Chicago (represent. Represent). He seems solid and the fact that he doesn't know who Jillian is, is probably a good thing. Plus - he shares a name with and kind of looks like "Ed" from the tv show - "Ed" - not ever a bad thing.

I will update with H's pick - but for some reason, I thought it was Jake. Or Jesse the winemaker (speaking of wine - Tuesday night's Housewives when the Jersey girl said "lets go get some more char - doe- naaay" I expected to see a box of wine)(That show is nuts)(new money...hurrumph). Or whatever.

Highlights/Lowlights

I won't go too far into the scene by scene recap.
- Much has been made of the foot fetish guy - hey man, whatever. Let the freak flag fly. I would be more concerned with the sequined coat he was wearing.
- If Greg is a Bilbro on the scale from One to Bilbro - then what is someone who is actually taller than Jillian (I'm sorry - I am obsessed with being tall. I bragged to H several times how empowering being the tallest guy in the elevator is)(I rule).
- Wes the Country singer is toast. As an aside - anyone who brings their guitar to a reality Tv show - or on any date - is a d-bag.
- If James Spader from "Pretty in Pink" and that aggressive Equestrian guy from "Mad Men" got together and had a baby and that baby made another baby with Bright Eyes - and that baby had a $30 gift certifcate to H&M - you would have Kyle the graphic designer from Brooklyn. That is not a compliment.
- The Dance off was awesome - better than the dance off at the beginning of "Stomp the Yard."
- The "you ARE a catch" guy was harmless - and greasy.
- Julian the restaurant guy was pretty rough - I think someone told him that sheepishly talking with your head down and tilted to the side is endearing. I am here to tell him its not. Plus - nice car. Nerd. When is the lease up on that bad boy?
- With all this competetion it was hard to pick the biggest turd in the toliet - then I remembered Bryan from Atlanta/Alabama. I don't know about the girls out there - but any time you mix chauvenism, xenophobia and obnoxiousness ("hot tub harris")(really?) you have yourself a winner. The fact that she gave him a rose makes me think that she was pretty drunk by the end of the night and mixed up the Bryans and then said - "whatever - they're both gone by week two anyway..."

Will Jillian find love? I don't know. I will be sure to let you know - right after I make fun of the dude she picks.

Thinking (Thomas) Pink...

I should have learned this lesson a long time ago. I am not a rookie. I have been back in Chicago for seven years - even living within a John Daly tee shot from Michigan Avenue for five of those years - how did I think shopping on a Sunday afternoon when it was 65 degrees and sunny outside would turn out? My bad...actually - it was their bad - and by "their" I mean the customer 'service' representatives from Saks for Men, Bloomingdales, Brooks Brothers, Kenneth Cole and Hugo Boss. H and I are so sorry to have bothered you.

I have a birthday coming up - I will be 32 this Friday. Hold the applause and the zippy happy birthday song. As a gift - H wants to buy some of the items needed to complete my wedding 'look' - including the shirt, a pocket square and my tie. Normally, she could handle this - but because I have taken special care with what I have bought thus far for the wedding and because as of today I have lost 35 pounds (!) - I needed to go with her to get re-sized and pick out what I was feeling.

We have been so busy the last few weeks between Mothers Day weekend, my mom's surgery (she is Ok) and general wedding planning, that Sunday was the day for us. And - what a day it was. I would love to pick on each store and their employees. I explained to each one that I was getting married and wanted a quality slim-fit white dress shirt to go with my suit - and that my sugar mama (who was with me) would be purchasing it. We screamed "ready to buy." Unfortunately, nobody was ready to sell. Odell at Bloomingdales was nice enough to take my measurements - he couldn't be bothered to find me a shirt to actually try on. Peter from Saks on Michigan was too busy tinkering with lyrics for his next emo/garage rock album to actually be bothered. The guy at Brooks Brothers - I forgot his name - showed us to the pocket squares and left. Not to be outdone, the guy at Kenneth Cole didn't know what a pocket square was...and finally - Hugo Boss - I walked around store for 20 minutes and couldn't even find a sales representative. Well played.

I wonder if we went on a weekday whether we would have been treated better. I am not making excuses for these jackenapes, but I imagine that they get every Wes, Mark and Dunbar (obvious MTV Real World references) from Schaumburg coming in on the weekend and not buying a thing. I am guessing they're a little desensitized from it all. Knowing this, I was careful to point out that we live down the street and that we should know better than to shop on a weekend. That apparently didn't matter (I do need to give props to Eric at Paul Stuart - he was great)(the collar on the shirt wasn't).

Which leads me to this sage piece of advice - the Thomas Pink store at Macy's on State Street is a lifesaver. I popped in there after work yesterday and was immediately greeted by Crystal - I explained to her what I was looking for and low and behold - she grabbed it for me (as well as a size up and a size down). I tried it on and got her reaction and she put it on hold for H to pick up - this took 15 minutes - tops. Unreal. Obviously, I am happy - I wasn't ready for the tremendous disappointment of visiting high end and high middle ended stores and being treated like a second class citizen - so this made up for it. It felt good to matter again.

Next weekend I am going to get all dressed up in my suit (which is now complete) - walk in to each store and say it:

"Big. BIG mistake. Huge!"

Update

If you missed the update below- NEP posted our engagement photos on their blog. All I can really say is that we think that they are amazing and are so happy that we went in this direction. Both H and I really believe that Nate captured who we are with the photos and we cannot wait to see what he does as an encore at the wedding.

While the on-line view is remarkable, what is truly unbelievable is that they look even better when printed. My mom has already ordered a few hundred dollars worth of the photos and I am staring at one of them right now on my desk as I type this. If you have any interest in seeing the whole catalog of photos - please let me know and I can send you the link.

Like bellybuttons...

I have very few complaints about this process. Dare I say, I even enjoy this process. But there are drawbacks. Even some of the drawbacks have drawbacks. Without a doubt, though, the single most difficult thing for H and I in all this planning is making sure that everyone else and the thoughts and opinions of everyone else is heard and that these same people are happy with the decisions, compromises, etc., that we make.

If only we believed her...

A few months back, H's bridesmaid, Deb, told H over brunch that, for whatever reason, people need to be shown the "love" leading up to the wedding. When this thought was relayed back to me, I didn't believe it. I had always looked at weddings as the one day that the bride gets to hog the attention (for better or worse). I thought it was an unwritten rule that everyone understood: its the bride's (and by extension - the happy couple's) day. I assumed that everyone would simply smile, tell H how beautiful she looks and if they disagreed with a choice we made, they would keep their opinions to themselves and talk about it behind our backs. I think its a fair trade...we get the wedding we want, you get open bar and 20 minutes of cattiness behind our backs. Everyone wins.

It really goes to show how naive I can be sometimes. Maybe its the fact that I have only been a groomsmen and never really behind the scenes, but this is not even close to what has been happening. Now - I need to couch this in a way that does not suggest we are unappreciative of all that people have done/will do for us. Its just that, you know, some people want to know that they count. That their opinions count. That they're important. That we show them the love. And by us doing this, maybe, they feel, it will some way validate the relationship we have with that person. How can we let these people know they matter to us without sacrificing some of the things that are important to us in the wedding?

This issue extends to almost everything wedding related - be it the places we register (Crate and Barrel and Bloomingdales by the by), our honeymoon (this is mostly because not one person has ever heard of it)(apparently I am the only person that watches the Little League World Series anymore), bachelor and bachelorette parties, hotel blocks and just about everything else. I don't have an opinion on these things and I am the one getting married - so, it is disconcerting at times when someone else is telling me the way we HAVE to do something.

It seems that if we have two people agree with us, we probably have one that disagrees. I have no problem with people disagreeing with us. Its their right and if they see something a certain way, it may help us fashion a solution that keeps everyone happy while maintaining the vibe we want from the wedding. But disagreeing with a decision of ours just to simply voice the way you would do it does nobody any good - rather it just creates unnecessary friction. The most baffling part for me is that there are opinions and pleas to be loved coming from all angles and directions - now, our parents and their opinions I can understand - they're part of this process and, frankly, we have good enough relationships with them that we can butt heads a little bit - but when the registry coordinator at one of the stores we may register at has something to say about how we're doing things, I have to draw the line...

Now - please do not read this like this is something that we are upset about. We're not - I am just venting. I truly was not ready for this aspect of wedding planning. I envisioned proposing to H, hiring Monica and then not worrying about it. I am beginning to believe that making sure everyone's opinions are at least heard is the most difficult part of the wedding planning - and infinitely more difficult than picking out a china pattern. Yes, we can handle it, but it is a very big aspect of the wedding...and dinner parties.

So, if you're reading this and you ask yourself "I wonder if I have done this?" You probably have and we love you anyway...

Daddy Needs a New Pair of Shoes

Not to be out done by H, I have been scouring men's fashion magazines since Sunday to find my own wedding shoe. Personally, I think this is more daunting than H's journey. She saw an episode of "Sex and the City" and decided that she had to have a particular pair of shoes. I wasn't exactly watching "Oceans 11" and paying attention to footwear.

Like most stores in Chicago, I have walked past the Johnston & Murphy store on LaSalle between Madison and Washington for literally seven years. I have never stopped in. I finally did yesterday after Court. I immediately told the gentleman working that "I am not looking to buy anything today." He must have smelled the chum in the water. Within two minutes, I was sold. Simple. Black. Lace-ups. And up-sold. Simple. Brown. Lace-ups. 15% off. Plus a $50.00 gift certificate to JM (In my defense, I needed new brown shoes. My friend Todd once compared my last pair to the sort of shoe you'd see on a south beach opium dealer)(I thought that they screamed Italian Bougeois)(Todd was right).

I am not very good at making bigger ticket purchases, so I texted H and said - "Hey I am at shoe store. They have my shoes on sale, if I buy a second pair." I didn't hear from her for a few minutes, so I bought the shoes (prompted by the salesman to "sometimes just make a decision without her)(Note: he wasn't wearing a wedding ring). I texted H again and said "I am sure you can guess what happened at the shoe store."