Valentime's Day...

Unless you hate television and the red eye and the city's most romantic restaurant polls, no doubt that you knew this past weekend was Valentine's Day - normally an opportunity for drunk twenty-five year olds to hop on a trolley for the Screw Cupid pub crawl. You know who you are...

But for H and I its our one and only Valentines day as an engaged couple - which makes it special for us. I have said this before, I am not that into Holidays - especially non-holidays, and least of all manufactured holidays, that are not really holidays (PTL I don't have a secretary). I sound like my Dad. With Labor day and the like, I can at least get into it, knowing that there is a day off involved. Valentine's day has never been a favorite of mine - it might not even make the top ten holidays in my book. Up until meeting H (and before TiVo), the constant advertisements and love-hocking, kind of created a sense of guilt for being single. I combated this manufactured lonliness with lots of whiskey (not so important side note - I think I purposely set Valentine's day as the end date for one of my greatest benders - a girl and I broke up in January, 2002. I gave myself 30 days to get over it. Each day involved drinking. My good friend from law school called this the "best time of his life" - as he had a drinking buddy for an entire month straight. Needless to say "A Walk to Remember" with Shane West (I heart Shane West) was probably the best movie I saw that year(also, probably my nadir). By Valentine's Day, I no longer missed the girl, but, on the 15th of February, I kind of missed the drinking. Thats what a $120K private law school education gets you. Catharsis!!)

I digress...

Last year, H and I decided to ease up on the gift giving on Valentines Day (my main concern is that we set the bar pretty high the first year - complete with Justin Timberlake tickets), so we kind of put a price limit on it and then would split dinner. It worked pretty well and so, we determined to do the same this year. Naturally, we worked the wedding into the gift giving - and decided that we would buy each other vow journals in anticipation of writing our own vows. She was pretty easy - especially since she picked one out to get her. In turn, I received the exact vow journal I would pick out - simple, masculine and with lined pages, since blank pages freak me out. Well done sweetheart!

For dinner we decided on Powerhouse - which in 2007 was voted as one of the best new restuarants in the city. Again, this was in 2007. How the mighty have fallen. I have vacillated between not commenting on the restaurant and/or completely slagging Powerhouse. I am not the bigger man. What a nasty, horrible dining 'experience.' It wasn't the food (though H's whitefish wasn't "all the way" de-boned). The food was good enough. It was the complete and utter lack of service. Starting with the host (who was not at her stand - and would not be for another 5 minutes after we (and two other couples) arrived) through the bus staff (which there was none). Now, I get it - I am not one to really get critical of wait staff - I always tip no questions asked - but this was ridiculous. There was literally a pall over the entire restaurant. It was a shared experience amongst the diners. Everyone was annoyed - which, waiting 20 minutes for a drink list and some bread will do to you. After the comedy of the entire 'experience' set in, I finally relaxed and we enjoyed a nice, quiet time (aside from some woman's smoker's hack), which turned out to kind of highlight why H and I work so well - she definitely balanced me out that night and we took what could have been a disasterous night and made it fun, and even a little romantic, despite the circumstances -

Plus, we got to gorge ourselves on their free dessert. Which was nice.

Scoreboard

H has taken my earlier post about not asking her bridesmaids to be in the wedding as a call to arms. She has tied up the game. It is now 6-6. Although, I will have to put an asterisk Barry Bonds style, next to her score. She has been allowed performance enhancing cell phone use to tie this up - whereas, I have been asking everyone in person.

If I am laying odds, she may be favored to win this little game that I created and am the only one participating in.

UPDATE

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner. Despite enormous odds, I got mine before she got hers, so to speak. At 11:33 AM yesterday, I was able to secure the final groomsmen. I cheated a little and made a phone call. I justified this by looking at my schedule over the next 3 weeks and realized that it was now or never. H did not secure her last bridesmaid until almost 10 hours later (while I getting my mind blown by last night's episode of Lost). Congratulations to all those in the wedding party - we are honored and humbled that you agreed to be a part of what is a very special day for us. For everyone else - thank you for trying out.

On the Sidelines...

Something strange happened yesterday while we visited my Mom in the suburbs - I officially became marginalized in something in the process that is not dress related. Maybe marginalized is not the correct word, but rather, I became a follower, instead of a leader. We started on our save the date cards ("STDs" - seriously, this is what they call them in the industry) yesterday. With ideas from our planner and the help of the Mom, we have come up with a creative way of incorporating the venue into our STDs (I don't know if I like this - now there is a possibility that when an irresponsible frat boy googles "the clap" he is going to come up on this blog)(Note to frat boy - be responsible!!)(I digress). We were trying to determine lay-outs and colors and the whole shebang... and I was asked to go upstairs and work on copy. I would have no input into the colors, etc., of the STD. I shouldn't be surprised. This sort of thing, admittedly, is not my strongest suit. I would fail an art class right now. I would also be fired from my job if I was a graphic artist. Seemingly, my three brothers got some artsy gene. I got chip n' pepper jeans. I try to make things equal by being that annoying guy in the group project - I suggest a lot of things and hope that one of the smarter people in the group hears it and says "yes, that's brilliant!!" After three or four minutes, I sensed that the Mom was zoning me out. H followed suit shortly thereafter.

I imagine that this sounds like I may be bitter about this or that my feelings are hurt. I'm not and they're not. Not in the slightest. I know its for the best, since, the writing may be more suited to my strengths, but I also realized two valuable things. I have been looking forward to the day that H became excited about the process and the planning. It seems like she is now-She and the Mom were really into this project and that was good to see. Maybe it was the dress that kick started H into gear. Whatever it is, I am thankful for it. I have looked forward to this whole process as something that H and I can share and, in the last few months, it really feels that way (after a first calamitous month of the engagement - which eventually prompted working M - our planner - into our budget).

I think, too, that maybe the more important lesson that I learned is that I have to let go a little. I have suggested to H in the past, that it has been difficult for me to not be involved. Since I was SO involved in the initial planning, it has been difficult for me to take a step back in this process and let other people help or make decisions without me or my input. Like I said, I want to share this with H, and if I am serious about wanting this wedding to be something that we both look back upon as something we (+ M) put together, then I need to be willing to do so.

Peas and Carrots

This situation plays itself out at least once a month - H will go out with her girlfriends for a bite after work. She will promise that she will be home at a reasonable time. That she'll call if she is going to be late. That she is only going to have one, maybe two glasses of wine....

I know better.

Almost without fail, H doesn't call or text and comes home 4-5 hours later than originally anticipated, reeking of booze and red wine, drunk as a high school sophomore and bearing Mexican food (which is kind of endearing when you think that she truly believes that I want a sober burrito at 2 AM on a Wednesday - 4 hours after I went to bed)(yes, I go to bed at 10 PM).

I know exactly who to blame: H's bestie "Midge." Who is now H's Maid of Honor (that's 2 of 7 bridesmaids asked, if you're counting at home).

Midge has been around as long as H and I have been together. She was H's partner in crime the night we met - the falsetto to H's alto in their bar rendition of "Wind Beneath my Wings." She was H's sounding board and biggest cheerleader in the beginning of our relationship (the person who was on the receiving end of H's "Best.Date.Ever." text message) and has been a consistent positive influence in H's life since they met at work several years ago and a constant presence in our relationship.

If there was a"bestfriendfinder.com" which asked a series of questions and then gave you matches based on your answers, H and Midge would be 100% compatible BFFF. They watch movie awards shows together via text (H will not say a word for 2-3 hours while this is going on)(though, you will hear her snicker every couple of minutes). They are each other's de facto karaoke partners and the only person in the room that gets the punchline. I sometimes think that these two would make a fun variety show (kind of like if Jessica and Nick's Christmas special was clever and loud and filled with drunk on champagne singing). I would at least watch the first episode (I can't say the same for the new Rosie O'Donnell adventure).

We watched "Step-brothers" Sunday night. Its probable that this is how H and Midge became best friends-Not that they hated each other or hit each other with aluminum bats, but, rather, one day they got to talking and they realized that they have EVERYTHING in common. Its kind of endearing really. Nobody (not even me) makes H laugh like Midge does. And that's kind of the point. I am so thankful that H has a friend like this - someone that challenges her but is totally supportive of the decisions - whether bad or good - that H makes; someone who respects our relationship and instead of getting jealous, has got to know me and has let their relationship grow with me a part of the equation - too often, I think, friendships suffer when a person gets involved in a serious relationship. That hasn't happened here (I hope). Above all, I am thankful that H has someone she can always count on.

So, Midge - I know you're reading - here's to you. I am happy to know that you will be a part of our big day. Thank you for being a friend...

No strippers at the bachelorette party.

Its a Family Affair...

This past weekend was the 5th Annual "To Ale (House) and Back" Chicago Pub Crawl. Each year since H moved to Chicago, her family and their friends and loved ones meet in Chicago (in January) for an all out assault on restaurants and drinking establishments with the inevitable stop at the Old Town Ale House for lewd wall art and perhaps the city's best all-jazz jukebox. This pub crawl, after Christmas and Thanksgiving, is one of H's favorite events of the year. She gets so geared up for it and is crushed when the last person leaves.

Each successive year the pub crawl (which is coupled with a Friday night dinner and meet and greet) has grown larger in numbers. Last year, I was shocked when we reached twenty-strong. This year - we were looking at 30+. Aside from H and I, we had 6 other people staying at our house. Rather than go to the 'important' Chicago places (read: Tourist Traps), H's family likes to seek out the city's best dive bars or the bars with some history behind them (think Green Door, the Lodge, Billy Goat and Twin Anchors). Its one of the reasons I like them all so much. There are absolutely no pretensions with the group. Simply, they all love being together, having some drinks and having a good time - even if that means giving you (meaning me) a hard time. They're all characters with good hearts and a great ability to let their guards down and laugh at themselves - which is rare.

Admittedly, it has taken a little for me to get use to this. The first trip - about a month after H and I started dating (sweet side story - we decided to be 'bf/gf' this same weekend) - I was quieter. A lot of "yes sirs" and "no thank you's" This was the first time I met her mother, stepfather, aunt Mary and uncle Gene that I had heard so much about. I was so frightened that I wouldn't make a good impression. Within two minutes of me arriving at the Lodge, H's Aunt Mary circled around me, told me I had a great ass (I do), and then grabbed it (she did), I had no idea what to do - I think they all loved the shocked look on my face.

I come from a relatively small family. Its my brothers, Mom and I, plus three aunts, two uncles, and five cousins. It is a rare occasion that I see any of this family - most live in Pittsburgh (um, Go Steelers). It is a little different for me, then, to now have this huge family that love to get together, drink together and actually are committed to doing so at least once a year in such large numbers. Other than Christmas and Thanksgiving, when my brothers and I get absolutely loaded on whiskey and Stella Artois, we don't all get together to go out.

This weekend (as well as the preceding "To Ale (House) and Back" Pub Crawls) has made me look at family a different way and I think they have allowed me to appreciate my family in a little different way. Family can be and should be, friends. I look at the relationship my younger brother and I have cultivated over the last few years and I wonder whether this is somehow indirectly correlated with the comfort and ease that H and her family seem to have around each other. If it is, I am greatly indebted to them.

Sometimes when something embarrassing happens, H's Aunt Mary will turn to me and say "hey, its Family!!" And she's right, this is part of my family (and by extension, so is my own family - who have since joined in on these events) These are going to be my holidays for the rest of my life - large chaotic affairs accented by tons of laughter (and bud light), singing, dancing and great company.

I better get padded pants.

Losing my religion...

I am unsure where the old cliche about not talking about religion and politics fits into the super-high tech world wide web. This blog game is new to me. As Marvin Candle recently said - "there are rules, rules that can't be broken!!" - so, I want to be careful not to offend - especially if religion does play a role in your (meaning the reader) life. Plus, I am convinced that there are hundreds of thousands of wing nut watch dog religious groups out there that spend their entire day googling "religion" only to go absolutely First Testament on the author (meaning me) .

Until recently, religion - or the presence thereof - at the wedding has been an ongoing talking point for H and I pre-dating the engagement.

There are certain factions involved in the wedding that would like to see the use of some form of Christianity at the wedding - be it a religious ceremony to something as simple as a blessing before dinner. Religion plays a part in a lot of people's lives (including our families and guests) - I think there is an expectation on these people's parts that religion is a necessary component of a wedding - that a blessing and oath before God somehow validates the wedding. Ideally, you (meaning me) want to make these people happy - but at what cost?

Probably unsurprisingly, H disagrees with the use of religion at the wedding. Hard. I am sure that if you have been following this little experiment of mine, you have deduced that H is a more non-traditional bride. Naturally, this extends to the idea or the use of religion at the wedding and even the basic tenants of god and church, in general. I wonder if she has always been like this - could you imagine a frizzy haired little girl in the 9th grade with big red framed glasses (think nerdy girl who writes for school newspaper in any 80's teen sitcom) refusing to say the pledge of allegiance because of the use of some doctrine in the recital. It makes me laugh - especially the part where I think H was a teen nerd who wrote for the school newspaper and broke stories such as "where exactly does the sloppy joe meat come from?" I digress.

Last week, H waited for the 66 bus to take her to the blue line stop. As three buses passed her, she had time to think about the wedding and the things that she wants and the things that absolutely cannot be part of the wedding. Religion was atop this list. She had some time to really consider this and when she finally got into the office - about an hour later - she was REALLY fired up. I was treated to the most impassioned (*cough* nuts *cough*) stance on religion at the wedding yet. I wrote a few posts ago about "Bridezillas" - this was H's bridezilla moment. She fully admitted it. She was putting her foot down and pulling Bride rank (NOTE: this was the first time that she 'officially' pulled rank). She detests what organized Christianity stands for - the role of women in the church, the homophobia, the elitism and the false acceptance/backroom prejudices of the church - and did not want any hint of religion at the wedding. She is my little Brangelina taking a stand against the Church until the Church cleans up its act a little and recognizes.

Fair enough.

I can't say I disagree with her. I don't go to Church. I don't even lie about going to Church (to make my mother happy). I was raised catholic-ish and went back to church while I was in law school. When my father died, I went back to church for a grief group that allowed me a certain feeling of catharsis. Since then, other than one mass (maybe two) a year, I don't make it back to church. I cannot say with a straight face that God or the belief in God has played a major role in my life, rather, its a part of my make-up - a tiny part of my belief system - something that gives me some guidance in the way I live and some solace when things are rough. I have my issues with the catholic church as well - specifically the antiquated doctrine and the use of fear (and sometimes intolerance) to convince people that their way is THE way. I could not - without some hypocrisy - tell H that the use of prayer at our wedding was a big deal to me. Simply...its not.

My desire to have some form of prayer at the wedding largely stemmed from a need to make everyone happy and/or comfortable. I am sure that there are people out there that, for whatever their reason, think that you (meaning us) HAVE to have prayer at the wedding. Whether it is what they're used to at weddings or what they believe - I imagine that they feel a tie to some traditional aspects of a wedding - usually manifested via the use of religion.

I think what I have to remember, more than anything, is that this wedding is about H and its about me and about our life together - a life in which god and religion play a rather small role. So, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what our guests feel belongs in a wedding or even what they do on Sunday mornings. What matters is us, and what we are comfortable with and what we want on our day. This is a celebration of our lives together and we want to share it with everyone in our own very unique way - which does not include religion (or a 60 minute ceremony). When any of our guests get married (renew their vows, whatever) and want to use religion at their ceremony, we promise that we will not roll our eyes and will respect that this is a reflection of their lives.

Swear to god.

Say yes(es) to the dress(es)

I had indicated previously that information regarding H's wedding dress requires level 5 security clearance - I have level 1. No big deal to me. The less I know the better. That said, I am happy to say that H has found her perfect wedding dress...

Again.

I won't say I wasn't warned. When dress shopping started, her step-father gave me the rundown of how H and her Mom would shop for school dances. Normally they would buy 5-7 dresses and then the night of the dance they would decide. Imagine the poor pock faced kid trying to get H a corsage. Poor bastard.

I refused to believe that this would translate to wedding dress shopping. Extremely early in the engagement, H had earmarked a dress that she loved - that she had to request be added to some trunk show and that she would not be able to see/try on until January 17, 2009. In fairness, H decided not to put all of her eggs in one dress basket and set out shopping. H's mom and aunt made a trip to Chicago just after Christmas. They made several appointments at stores that I never knew existed and went full throttle trying on as many dresses as each appointment would allow. Cue cheesy video montage of H and company laughing and giggling and trying on crazy outfits - for the music, I have chosen "Electric Feel" by MGMT - "Ooh girl, shock me like an electric eel..." - trust me, in my montage, this works.

I still thought that she would never dare buy a dress until the trunk show on the 17th. I was wrong. At the next to last store, H texted me "um, I may have bought a wedding dress!"H seemed really excited with her decision and had an instant vibe with the maker - an independent dress shop on Damen Avenue...her Mom and aunt seemed really pleased with it too - so pleased, in fact, that her Mom bought her dress there too. H canceled her remaining appointments and enjoyed the rest of her day off, knowing that she found THE Dress. Still, I couldn't help to shake the feeling that this was not the end of this.

I was right.

The next morning, H did her best GOB Bluthe impression when she turned to me and said "I think I made a huge mistake."

H could not get the other dress out of her head. She was lying awake at night thinking about the first dress she ever loved. Within days she said "I think am going to try on the other dress." It took some herculean efforts to suppress the "I told you so..." that was dying to come out. Rather, like a good BFBFF, I said that if this meant she is going to be happy on her wedding day, then I am all for it. I would hate for her to wonder about the other dress or change her mind when the original dress has been cut - I have a limited understanding on these things, but I am guessing, you can't return these things.


Needless to say - she is in love - real love - with this dress. She has been walking around the house pretending she is NeNe from "Real Housewives of Atlanta" - yelling "Bam - my dress is so hot - BAM! Its young, sexy, glamorous. BAM!"

So, while I may not know what she is going to wear on September 12, 2009, I am glad to know that H is going to be wearing the exact dress that she wanted...even if it was her second first choice.