Like bellybuttons...

I have very few complaints about this process. Dare I say, I even enjoy this process. But there are drawbacks. Even some of the drawbacks have drawbacks. Without a doubt, though, the single most difficult thing for H and I in all this planning is making sure that everyone else and the thoughts and opinions of everyone else is heard and that these same people are happy with the decisions, compromises, etc., that we make.

If only we believed her...

A few months back, H's bridesmaid, Deb, told H over brunch that, for whatever reason, people need to be shown the "love" leading up to the wedding. When this thought was relayed back to me, I didn't believe it. I had always looked at weddings as the one day that the bride gets to hog the attention (for better or worse). I thought it was an unwritten rule that everyone understood: its the bride's (and by extension - the happy couple's) day. I assumed that everyone would simply smile, tell H how beautiful she looks and if they disagreed with a choice we made, they would keep their opinions to themselves and talk about it behind our backs. I think its a fair trade...we get the wedding we want, you get open bar and 20 minutes of cattiness behind our backs. Everyone wins.

It really goes to show how naive I can be sometimes. Maybe its the fact that I have only been a groomsmen and never really behind the scenes, but this is not even close to what has been happening. Now - I need to couch this in a way that does not suggest we are unappreciative of all that people have done/will do for us. Its just that, you know, some people want to know that they count. That their opinions count. That they're important. That we show them the love. And by us doing this, maybe, they feel, it will some way validate the relationship we have with that person. How can we let these people know they matter to us without sacrificing some of the things that are important to us in the wedding?

This issue extends to almost everything wedding related - be it the places we register (Crate and Barrel and Bloomingdales by the by), our honeymoon (this is mostly because not one person has ever heard of it)(apparently I am the only person that watches the Little League World Series anymore), bachelor and bachelorette parties, hotel blocks and just about everything else. I don't have an opinion on these things and I am the one getting married - so, it is disconcerting at times when someone else is telling me the way we HAVE to do something.

It seems that if we have two people agree with us, we probably have one that disagrees. I have no problem with people disagreeing with us. Its their right and if they see something a certain way, it may help us fashion a solution that keeps everyone happy while maintaining the vibe we want from the wedding. But disagreeing with a decision of ours just to simply voice the way you would do it does nobody any good - rather it just creates unnecessary friction. The most baffling part for me is that there are opinions and pleas to be loved coming from all angles and directions - now, our parents and their opinions I can understand - they're part of this process and, frankly, we have good enough relationships with them that we can butt heads a little bit - but when the registry coordinator at one of the stores we may register at has something to say about how we're doing things, I have to draw the line...

Now - please do not read this like this is something that we are upset about. We're not - I am just venting. I truly was not ready for this aspect of wedding planning. I envisioned proposing to H, hiring Monica and then not worrying about it. I am beginning to believe that making sure everyone's opinions are at least heard is the most difficult part of the wedding planning - and infinitely more difficult than picking out a china pattern. Yes, we can handle it, but it is a very big aspect of the wedding...and dinner parties.

So, if you're reading this and you ask yourself "I wonder if I have done this?" You probably have and we love you anyway...