my name is on the invite too

Keeping House...

2011-03-02T09:11:00.000-08:00

When I told H that, rather than starting a new blog (again), I was just going to expand on the already realized incarnation of "My Name is on the Invite Too" she was (with cause) skeptical. She had a million questions centered mainly about the content. To each, I simply responded with "I don't know." I guess the dusting off of something that was such a cathartic mouthpiece is strange. MNIONTIT was wedding-focused, to say the least. Now that we're married, what else is there to talk about? In a word...everything.

For the last 18 months H and I have been getting used to being married...which, truth be told, we didn't expect. As far as I was concerned, we had it pretty figured out. We had lived together for 2 years before even getting engaged. We had our routines. We had our DVR. We had the "Real Housewives" franchise and Andy Cohen (Andy Cohen's got the 4-1-1) to keep us entertained. I think, at points, we got by and by doing so - we became a sort of updated "Odd Couple" - with me playing Felix to H's Oscar (seriously, this girl never uses the same glass twice). I mean this, weirdly, is a compliment to our relationship. The love was always there - but, so too, was a comfort - a comfort around each other and a comfort for the routine of our day-to-day lives.

Since we were married, it just feels...heavier.

Somewhere between the 'I do's' and after the honeymoon, something changed. I will definitely blame some of it on the cards we have been dealt since the marriage. Some of it may be blamed on my job situation. Losing a job is hard. As unfortunate as it is, after just two weeks of marriage (on my first day back to work after Curacao), I became unemployed. The first big news we received as husband and wife (or partners)(for you neo-feminists) was bad news. It has been hard to reconcile that - amidst the excitement of being newlyweds - that we were in (are in) a struggle. Not only was I force-fed the revelation that I was not where I wanted to be as a grown-up, but I also had to reconcile that this is what H knows of marriage. That, virtually our entire married life, we have been scrambling to make ends meet while still maintaining some modicum of our previous life.

Some of the pressure I feel may be chalked up to my "traditional" (read: archaic) views on marriage - one that is largely predicated on a baby-boomeresque ideology - echoing my parents' marriage. That - as the husband, I am more responsible for the well-being of both of us. I admit that, in 2011, this is pretty antiquated. But - my parents were married for 40 years. So, its pretty much the only set-up I know.

Thankfully, I married a girl that minored in women's studies at Miami and would not take my hand to cross the street unless she just had lasik surgery. It has taken a little bit of getting used to. Its hard for me to put my ego aside and work in tandem to insure that the collective is at the forefront of our marriage. I am a work in progress. Lord knows that I need my hand held from time to time just as H needs me to take care of her and let her know that it will be alright.

I think, though, the struggles we endured early on have forced us to learn how to work as partners faster than maybe it normally would. To allow us to be a collective. To have the hard conversations. To deal with problems and to solve problems. To learn when to take a back seat and let the other drive (metaphorically) H is a terrible driver)(I am worse). And maybe, for me, that's the most gratifying part of this marriage - that we are figuring it out together. That we share each other's tiny victories and sweeping successes and bear one other's setbacks together. That neither of us are ever alone.

Maybe then, it has not been in vain (gratuitous "The Odd Couple" paraphrase from last episode")(I could not resist).

Didn't see this coming...

2011-02-17T13:33:00.000-08:00

The sophomore effort was a complete failure...If this blog was "3 Feet High and Rising", clearly then, my second effort was "De La Soul is Dead."

"My Wife Would Rather I Share this with You" is dead, I guess.

I really do not know where this will take me/us. It would be criminal to believe that I could capture the same spirit as the wedding blog did. That was a one-off, obviously. But, I did my best writing (if you call blogging an actual form of writing)(for sake of argument, I do) here. I know this place. Its nooks. Its crannies. I am comfortable here. Writing as a (now) husband/partner to a beautiful woman. Writing as an enthusiast for bus gossip and reality television. Writing as a complete nut-job about traffic patterns, punctuality and Arsenal Football (soccer to you Americans).

Maybe, as Jim Kremens once sang, "[t]his is the place, we'll be all right."

Dusting it off...

2010-03-08T08:49:00.000-08:00

Given that H and I are nearly six months into our journey as husband and wife and given the exciting news I/we are about to share, I thought it only appropriate that I give the people what they want and dust off the old blog.

You're welcome.

I am constantly shocked and flattered by the feedback I have received on my little endeavor. This all started as a way for me to deal with the thought that I would have a large part in our wedding planning and it ended up as a love letter to my beautiful wife, H and our relationship. To hear stories about people (whom we have never met) skipping nights out with friends so they can get to know H and I better is incredibly humbling. Whatever you feel about kismet or fate or what-have-you, I feel in my heart of hearts that H and I were meant to be together and I am glad that you humored me over 60+ overwritten posts and that that message alone leaps off your screen every time you read.

So, with that said, thank you.

Now for the news...

I know that moms and mother-in-laws are reading this with fingers crossed, so I will just let you know that it is not that...and really? Do you think I would tell you over a blog. Get to know us. Sheesh.

You have read here about our incredible wedding planner, Monica Richard and the amazing Detail+Design team, including Gene Huddleson. And you may remember a post about a year ago in which I vaguely detailed the ISES PACE awards given for outstanding work in the event planning and design world (which also includes event photography)(more on that in a minute). I think last year, Monica and D+D went 8-for-8 in the categories that they submitted for. Keeping true to form, they are, once again, winners...and our wedding was one of the submissions they won for!

I will admit it...we were nervous. We wanted this badly...for Monica, of course. It is so important to H and I that she and D+D are recognized for the amazing event that they planned on our behalf. Our wedding would not have been the same without their incredible vision, diligence, hand-holding (sorry!) and - dare I say - organization. It all came together so beautifully and wonderfully and we are forever indebted to them. H and I would recommend them to anyone looking for a wedding planner and design team - and, in fact, we have - on Martha Stewart's wedding website.

We would be remiss if we failed to mention that our photographers, Nathaniel Edmunds, were also honored as best team photographers and, if I am not mistaken, for our event as well. Again, we are so happy for Nate and Tiffany - the brother/sister team at NEP. We were so excited to learn the day before the wedding that both Nate and Tiffany were teaming up to shoot our wedding. We had developed a friendship with both of them and felt so comfortable with them - plus the moments they were able to capture perfectly encapsulated the wedding - not the least, H, finally able to get on the dance floor, signing the marriage certificate on my back, so she can continue dancing, sans interruption (true story). They were, without reservation, the perfect photographers for us.

Congratulations to all of you (and the rest of the nominees as well).

Where to now? Is that the end of "My Name in on the Invite Too?" - sadly, yes. The thank-you cards have been sent (my name is on the Thank You cards too), the dress put away, and cupcakes remain in our freezer, frozen and anxiously awaiting our first anniversary.

The good news, however, is that I have started writing again - my new project is underway and can be found here. I don't know where that project will take you or even me, but I promise, it will be a self-aggrandizing and funny ride.

The Beginning...

2009-09-14T05:57:00.000-07:00

My wife is sleeping.

That has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? And it should too, since H and I were married this past weekend in what was the best night of my life and (but for my golf game and Arsenal's 4-2 loss to citeh) the most perfect and memorable weekend I have ever had.

I know weddings are like babies - everyone thinks their kid is cute and well behaved, just as everyone person two days after getting married, thinks their wedding was the most amazing event ever...but, seriously, our wedding was the most amazing night ever. Everything. Was. Perfect.

I could go into some detail, gushing about each and every person that made this wedding so amazing, but then I would feel like Miley Cyrus accepting a Teen Choice Award ("God. Hellllloooo!") - so, I will save that for the letters and cards and recommendations and e-mails, and wall posts and everything else. Lets just say that everyone - vendors, planners, parents and all the guests - made this wedding what it was and H and I are incredibly fortunate to start our life together surrounded by the love, laughter and good people. Without our friends and family, H and I would not be possible. Each of them accept us as a couple that may be a little left of center, that has their pug as their flower girl and that chooses a reading from Ben Folds' first solo album, rather than a scripture. They let us be the couple we are and appreciate us for that. It will not be forgotten or taken for granted.

So, you may ask, whats next for us - in a word - everything (maybe even live blogging from the honeymoon). Thank you so much for being a part of our day and for the love and support and friendship that you have provided both of us over the last 12 months of the engagement.

Sleepless in Chicago...

2009-08-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

H has been complaining lately that - consumed with anxiety about the wedding - she has not been able to sleep. I, on the other hand, have been sleeping like a baby...

Until last night.

I had my first "everything is going to go wrong at the wedding" nightmare. Not good times. This one was pretty simple - My groomsmen and I were all lining up before the ceremony (in my parents' kitchen, strangely). There were two fundamental problems. First, I was in a black shirt and white tie with a black coat and white lapels. Not a big deal - in my dream, I was going to fix that by running to Macys. Even Dream me thinks quick on his feet.

The second issue was a little more complicated. One of my groomsmen was replaced by a dirty drunk version of somebody I went to high school with - who was wearing the exact same thing as me, but with cargo pants.

Weird.

Rest assured - I checked the closet this morning. My shirt is still white.

Entering Washington...

2009-08-04T06:19:00.000-07:00

H and I spent the weekend in Washington D.C. Which was nice. It was good to get out of town and this was my first time in our Nation's capitol. I was one of the few people in my 8th grade class who's parents pulled him out of the Washington D.C. trip on account of Desert Storm. Thank god, right? If my parents were parents in the 60's, I would have loved to see their bomb shelter. In any event, that week LZJHS treated the 8th graders to a movie. I got to go see "White Fang." Which was pretty awesome. I have always loved Ethan Hawke's early works. He was a genius. Its a shame what has happened to him since he started writing books.

H and I were in town for a college friend of hers who was getting married in Northern Virginia and were staying with her good friend Sarah and her husband Karl - who were nice enough to take us in, feed us and buy us chappy beers. Karl and Sarah - if you're reading - thank you. We had a great time.

The trip started a little rough. I am neurotic. I have airport issues. I don't travel well. I am constantly distracted. I drive H crazy. Really crazy. Until we are actually in the air, I am a mess. Naturally, our flight left 90 minutes late. So, I was pretty relaxed. If I was seated next to children I would have lost it. It wasn't until we saw the Washington Monument from the plane that I finally calmed down. I'm awesome. I have no idea what H sees in me sometimes.

We spent most of Friday site-seeing and grasshopper eating (hello Oyamel!) and then had drinks at Oya (which, according to H is the best decorated place she has ever been in)(it was pretty awesome). We housed several drinks and met her girlfriends for dinner (note: I was a total cock in the henhouse - one of two husbands/boyfriends able to make the wedding) at some Tapas place near the Verizon center. I was kind of shocked, but DC was a pretty good food town thus far.

H's friends Cindy and Steve were married on Saturday. This is only the second wedding H and I have been to together since we have been engaged. At the first one - back in March - we weren't really thinking about our wedding. This time we were. The wedding was elegant and beautiful - and we had such a wonderful time - and it scared us sh*tless. It magnified all the things we need to do before we even get to the Library. First, we have so much work to do. There are a million little things to do here in the next several weeks. We are not sleeping. We are stressed. Good times. Ultimately, we know we can lean on Monica and she'll guide us (I am sure she has this all under control) through the process. The wedding is basically planned - we just need to put the finishing touches on it. But that does not diminish the fact that it still needs to get done. We want to avoid those horror stories you hear about staying up until 5 AM making place cards - that would be a nightmare.

The second thing this wedding showed was what we are missing at our wedding. Both H and I have lost people in our lives that would be central to this process. It wasn't until the traditional parent dances that this struck me - and it weighed on H too. We had a great night, but when the wedding was over, we went straight back to Karl and Sarah's house and sat on the porch and broke down. Both of us were a mess. I have not been able to put it too far from my mind since then (I blame H). I am going to miss my Dad that day - I am going to miss that talk I get to have with him about marriage - afterall, he made it work for 40+ years before he passed away. I just miss him. Its funny that weddings and funerals are probably the only two things that really bring this out (and Northwestern v. Wisconsin)(for completely different reasons).

I think we needed this. I think H needed to know that I am just as bothered by this missing piece as she is... that we're a team and that we're in this together. I think its one of the real unique things about H and I. We've shared this incredible loss. She came into my life less than a year after I lost my Dad and supported me and I have leaned on her (whether she knows it or not) ever since. I know I can count on her and only pray that she counts on me for the same support. So - we sat on the porch and we cried. Together.

The next morning we packed up and quietly left DC. When we boarded our flight and I was seated next to two 9-year olds flying without their parents - H just laughed.

Hotel Indianapolis

2009-07-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone - just a reminder - if you plan on staying in the room block at the hotel, please reserve your room sooner rather than later. The NFL schedule was released a few weeks back and the Indianapolis Colts open up that weekend at home against Jacksonville. Our fear is that the block will be opened up and people are going to miss out on the special room rates - and have a difficult time finding a room in the city on account of the game. The Jags travel large. I mean, who wouldn't want to leave Jacksonville, right? The hotel information is on the Save-the-Date cards and/or the invite (or you can e-mail H or I and we will give you the information). Awesome.

Seriously...

2009-07-29T06:04:00.000-07:00

I don't invest...but if I did, judging by the number of black and white boxes I have thrown away in the last 3 days - and taking into account whether Crate & Barrel is a publicly traded company - I would buy stock. Lots of it. Because I have a feeling that their earning this 3rd quarter are going to be higher than anticipated.

H had her one and only wedding shower this past weekend in Chicago. I am not going to write much about it. Alas, I wasn't there. I was busy golfing with my soon to be father-in-law, Richard. He beat me by 40 strokes. I am not a good golfer.

The shower was held at Branch 27 - a new restaurant near our house. Cary and his staff put out a great spread and it appears that everyone had fun. The girls all loved the server Kevin - who, by the time I got there to load the presents into the car, had baby's breath in his hair.

To everyone that attended - thank you. H loved everything and I am so thankful that you all could make it. Special kudos go out to H's Mom, Sandra, my Mom, Carol and H's bridesmaids - who all hosted this event and made this a shower for H to remember. It seems like everything really came together amazingly and I am so appreciative of your efforts on behalf of my favorite girl. Special props go out to the girls who bought the cake (shown above) (Jrise and CKang, I think?) - its pretty awesome, though, it may be derailing my wedding diet.

Magic Cards...

2009-07-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

We are less than seven weeks away...invitations were dropped a few Saturdays ago (props out to Sandra H - H's Mom - for doing the leg work and getting these out). My understanding is that these things are beautiful. I wouldn't actually know, since H did this one on her own. She met with a woman named Gloria in May and kind of laid out what she was thinking. There was no mock-up. There were no drafts. Just Gloria and H (and Monica and Sandra H) sitting around brainstorming. Between you and me, I am a little glad that I missed. I don't work well in group settings - I am at my best when its just me, some saison du pont and an evite (and a bad attitude).

As I was saying - the invitations went out in the mail two Saturdays ago...on Thursday we started receiving the RSVPs.

You know you are wedding dorks when you have a little ritual for the RSVPs. I'll be the first to admit it. I am a huge wedding nerd...and I have turned H over to the dark side. Every night for the last seven days (that mail has come), H or I (whoever gets the mail first), places the unopened RSVP cards (complete with the $0.44 customized Jezebel the Pug Stamp)(Pimp my stamp!) on the center of the kitchen table and we wait until the other gets home. The wait is excruciating...Admittedly, we peek (you can make out whether the RSVP is an "accept with pleasure" or "decline with regret" through the envelope - as well as whether a vegetarian dish is requested (so far there have been 5 vegetarian dishes requested - good for you readers!). We then split them up and begin opening them one-by-one.

We then argue about who had the better RSVP... usually H opens the one from the people I invite or that she invites. Which means she gets all the ones with the little notes written on them (which I never knew was allowed - though, we are the first people I know that are getting the RSVP cards - they usually go to the parents). It makes me jealous.

Why am I writing about such a mundane wedding detail. Other than the fact that I am running out of material? Easy. There is something about these cards that change H's mood almost immediately. Last Thursday, H came home hysterical - she was scheduled to begin a trial in a few weeks and felt like she was behind. She was also traveling to Indy (and leaving an hour later than she wanted) for the weekend and felt like she was missing valuable trial prep time (especially since I was out of pocket all weekend). This is also the day that we received our first 10 RSVP cards...almost instantly (after we opened the first), H's mood was transformed...she loved the notes and loved the fact that people were taking time out of their lives to join us on our day. I think she loved thinking about these people at our wedding. It was pretty remarkable - and, as she drove to Indy, she texted me about the people who responded (well, about one of the people that responded). I could tell her mood had changed. Her focus was off the trial for a little bit and was now focused on just how amazing her wedding is going to be...

And yes, dear reader - you have to respond. If only just for H.

She's got the fever...and the only treatment is more wedding bells

2009-07-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

There has been a pretty consistent theme throughout these fifty+ posts - unless it has to do with music, H is not a fan of planning this wedding. It was a real issue between her and I before we agreed that the best thing for our engagement would be to hire Monica from Detail + Design to aid us as a wedding planner.

Something is changing...slowly....surely. Someone is embarrassed... someone is conflicted ... someone has wedding fever.

While I was out passing out at (or before) midnight with my friends for my bachelor party, H slipped away to Indiana to put a dent in our wedding 'to-do' list - make-up and hair run through - the Tasting at the Central Library - sit down with the designer - sit down with Monica - get wedding band for future husband - wedding (cup)cake tasting. What started as a major inconvenience (H has a trial starting in a few weeks) quickly turned into a series of text messages stating in no uncertain terms "OMG! Our wedding is going to be amazing!!" and Facebook wall posts saying "I am getting a little too giddy about this bridal situation and I don't know how I feel about it."

I don't know if giddy is the right word - I have never known H to get giddy - but she definitely has got the wedding fever and the only prescription is her taking a more active role these last few weeks. Its exciting. I love the fact that this wedding is going to have her stamp on it (in someways quite literally - since she was the brains behind the $0.44 customized Jezebel Pug Stamp on the RSVP cards)(as well as the creative drive behind the invites)(which I planned on talking about - but since I still haven't seen one, I remain silent)(I digress).

The point - as it has been throughout really - is that the whole process is infinitely more enjoyable when we are both immersed in it - H and I were talking about the stresses of planning the other day (a pretty routine conversation) - and I mentioned the things that are going to stick out as the memorable moments of our engagement (other than night we got engaged)(of course) and they were all things that we did together: quick trips to Indiana to see the Library; meeting with Monica; sharing a bottle of wine while we completed the save the date cards; faux dancing around the house to the song that we plan on having as our first dance ("Bump n' Grind" by R.Kelley)(I wish); and two weekends ago when we sat around with our computer and ipods and picked out songs that are "must plays" at the wedding.

H and I are often on the same page - but its those moments that really captures just how great of a team we are.

Worst Bachelor Since Andrew Firestone...

2009-07-20T06:52:00.000-07:00

This weekend was the long-awaited bachelor party of your dear blogger. Despite my best efforts, I am alive and well and slightly dehydrated. All the same, I had a great time and truly appreciate the efforts of everyone in making the weekend a memorable one for me. Understandably, several of my friends owe their wives/girlfriends a spa day or two for sticking them with the kids for a few days while they golfed, drank and recaptured college (if only for a few hours).

I would be remiss if I didn't single out my brother and best man, Jason, for putting this all together - he was a rock star and gave me what I told H was the perfect bachelor party for me - rooftop BBQ, golf (props to another groomsman, Steve, for putting together a solid invitational at Glencoe Golf Club), dinner...pass out. Yes, I did pass out. Hard. I am a shell of my former self. Most of the times its a blessing. This time it was a curse.

I don't know if it was the shots, the "t and stormy" or the beers, but by 11:30 PM - your bachelor was D-O-N-E. Oh well...pick more daisies, I guess. Phil - a college roommate - suggested that I was the worst bachelor since Andrew Firestone. While, I disagree that AF was the worst bachelor (Brad Womack, anyone?), I do agree that I let the team down - they all went out for another 2 hours in the neighborhood - I got 8 hours of sleep. Its a win-win, as far as I am concerned...lets just hope that I keep it together on the wedding day. That might be difficult if they serve tequila.

Your Blogger's Back...

2009-07-17T06:02:00.000-07:00

I have received a lot of guff lately. Apparently, if you take 45 days off between posts, you are a real jerk...who knew? Its wonderful that I have such a great fan. What happened? I guess life got in the way. It seems like every morning I tell myself I am going to post something - but when its time for the rubber to meet the road, I decide that I probably should write something that gets me paid and allows me to keep my job - contract litigation is sexy.

Regardless. Michael Jordan said it in 1995. I'm saying it now: "I'm back."

In the next week or so, you should be ready to learn a lot. Invitations dropped last week. Thats kind of a big deal. My bachelor party is this weekend. Think docker's commercial with cheaper beer. H and I stayed up drinking last week and picked out music for the wedding...it was really good times - especially the part where we drunk dialed my Mom to see what song she wanted me to pick for the Mother/Son dance - she said "something by Frank Sinatra." Naturally.

Stay tuned - I'm at the controls and I promise to take you safely into the wedding day - its coming fast, but I think I can handle it.

Still kicking...

2009-06-02T06:52:00.001-07:00

Fear not...H lived through her Bachelorette party last weekend. The girls have been pretty mum on the stories and no pictures have been leaked (which is fine) so all I have to go on is a 2:24 AM voicemail from H telling me that my sister-in-law is awesome, that they're eating burritos and to 'suck it' (she's so cute), but, from what I can tell, H had an amazing time and was extremely saddened by the end of the weekend.

I know its cheesy (or cheese-ass)(or whatever), but I was really touched that so many of the girls took time out of there lives and came into town to fete my future bride. Its really a testament to the friendships that they have and have maintained over the years. So, ladies, thank you. You mean so much to H and I am glad that she has friends like you in her life (to the ladies that could not make it, please know that I include you in this sentiment).

Thank you all again for loving my girl as much as I do.

Suck for a buck...

2009-05-29T06:06:00.000-07:00

This weekend is H's bachelorette party...blurgh.

I'm kidding. Aside from the part in which I was politely asked to leave for the weekend, I am excited for H. She needs a weekend with her friends doing whatever it is that they do (usually screaming sing-a-songs and dancing to the Roots)(it doesn't matter where they are)(seriously). My understanding is that this is not going to be a typical Rush/Division bachelorette party with suck for a buck t.shirts, veils and phallic earrings...I love that this is not H's style. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with that style, its just so...gauche. The girls on "Bridezillas" do it this way - I'm just saying.

I can go either way on bachelor/bachelorette parties. I think they are a necessary evil to the process. H and I have talked about this more than I care to admit: I don't like the archaic view that this is the man/woman's "last night out as a single" - something that you see often with bachelor parties. Its so 80's in that Tom Hanks, donkey on amphetamines sort of way. I think that that ideology only encourages being a jackass and maybe makes the whole thing bigger than it needs to be. It doesn't have to be an "anything goes" or "whatever happens in Bar Chicago stays in Bar Chicago" sort of event. It should reflect the person they are meant to celebrate and not the other way around. (Admittedly, I am not a strip club guy - ipso facto - we're not going to a strip club for my party).

From what I can gather, this is a really well thought out and "H-esque" weekend centered on all the girls catching up and enjoying each other's company - with some woman's empowerment type activities thrown in. Big props to the MOH, Midge, who has been a rockstar planner. She seems to have everything covered and I can't tell you how much I appreciate her commitment to her maid of honor role.

So, ladies - have a great time this weekend, keep your tee shirts with lifesavers taped to them at home and call the guy from your gym that you want to jump out of a cake(?) and tell him to make other plans and just take care of my girl.

Man Code?

2009-05-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

It appears that I have a preternatural ability to separate the wheat from the chafe - or in this case, the d from the bag. Last week while America was guffawing over Dave - the Midwest sweetheart who was so enamored with Jillian that he froze for 13 seconds when introducing himself- I said he looks like a bad drunk who takes off his shirt in bars before he gets in a fight. Dave - you're so predictable. Big pat on my back. H is always amazed (or annoyed) that I espouse to know a lot about men's personalities and their nefarious ulterior motives. But, with 3 brothers and 70 roommates (if you count every frat bro as a roommate) - I think I have seen it all. It was no surprise to me then that Dave was the typical small Midwest city meat head wanna be alpha dog who says things like "man code violation" when someone apparently doesn't do a shot of tequila. It was a surprise that there was a hint of homphobia in his ranting - considering these guys - including Juan, the man who has apparently drawn Dave's ire - are on a show seeking to date a woman. Brilliant. At least two recaps I read mentioned "Laramie" when describing this guy's ranting. Thats never good. America is scared. Be warned - this is not the last we have seen (and I am not just saying that because I saw next week's previews). I am guessing that there will be some subtle chest to chesting in next weeks episode. I wouldn't rule out a head-butt - like the one that Chad layed on BO-hio on the Tila Tequila show - wow.

Enough already - on to the show

Week two in the Bachelorette franchise is always interesting for me, the viewer. It is here that you start to see the personalities of the people (something that you can't even begin to tell in the first episode). Usually, this is not a good thing as most suitors don't really have a personality. Maybe thats why Jillian was so refreshing in the first place.

With that, it is clear that there are about 5 good dudes in this house and 12 spazzes, creeps, dweebs or dirtbags. Thankfully, Jillian has managed to keep the good guys in the house and even send a spaz (Bryan) and a creep (Julien) home to their mothers. Both of those guys bugged me last week. Julien with his side cocked head and Bryan with...well, him. Julien was pretty much out when he didn't get a date this week - Bryan (who smartly wore Snow's glasses from the hit video 'Informer') was dead in the water when he mistook the Bachelorette for "Paradise Hotel 2." Jesus fella. Keep em on.

I was saddened by the loss of Simon - the Brit. He was never going to win, but he was harmless and the out take of him misprounouncing 'hard' and then telling the other dudes that he was the only one who spoke proper english was funny.

Highlights/Lowlights

Once again, I won't really do much of a synposis of the episode. The internet is teeming with bachelorette blogs - I am not nearly as funny.

- Tanner and Mike the breakdancer in the mini-cooper was hilarious in that white trash "Deal or No Deal" screaming idiot sort of way.
- Seeing all the dudes on the first group date reminded me of my first ill fitting tux.
- Brad - from Chicago - is really bad. He seems like he is rude to waiters and cab drivers. Plus, he was wearing a burberry tie - I saw those at Filene's Basement a few weeks ago. You can't get anything past me Brad!
- As bad as Brad is - Wes is 10X worse. H said it best: that guy is 32 years old - why does his hair do that? He seems like those Moms on Real Housewives that are borrowing their 15 year old daughters clothes. Plus - the swoop in on some one-on-one time was jackassery 101. I will give him some credit - since he seems mildly 'touched' - and for the fact that he makes no apologies about it, but still. I really hope that he is gone in the next two episodes, but definitely have a feeling he'll be around to the Final 4 or 5.
- Jillian loves the booze. The producers may want to think about watering down her wine Jesus style.
- Speaking of our girl - she seems to be in two minds about what she wants - there are several clean cut dudes still in the house, whom she likes - but then there are some guys that are just rough - she calls them bad boys - I call them d-bags.
- We were really uncomfortable with the Jake jackhammer. I was half hoping that he would get punched in the sack for that move. He seems like a good enough guy - I, however, immediately distrust somebody that "wide eyed" though (and anybody that still wears pleated slacks). Stay tuned.
- The basketball game was funny...I remember when my body decided that my athletics were in my past.
- Big ups to Mike (who was no. 5 on my d-bag list last week). He totally redeemed himself with the speedo plunge.
-Juan is kind of out for us - while I don't condone how he was treated by Dave - he is kind of creepy.

Our roses

I still like Ed - but he had no screen time this week. So, we'll see. H likes Jesse, but points out that a guy like that would never hit on Jillian at a bar. He would be too busy harassing the waitress. Jillian seems to really like Kiptyn - H pointed out that he may be this year's Graham - the guy that stays around because he is good to look at. I throw my "Reid" hat in the ring. He showed a little bit this week. So, those guys, plus pleated pants Jake, I think round out our top fiver.

I think next week will be really telling - if she falls for the moonlight serenade by a 32 year old country western singer who probably owns at least 2 items of Hollister gear, then maybe we don't know our girl at all...

I now pronounce you...um...what?

2009-05-26T06:27:00.000-07:00

One of the more interesting subplots to the wedding thing is the concept of identities and the fact that they arbitrarily change between the engagement - when you go from being the boyfriend/girlfriend to fiance/e as quickly as you can get her to say yes - and the wedding day. Since last September, neither H nor I have grown particularly comfortable calling each other the 'f' word - more traditionally opting for boyfriend or girlfriend, respectively. I thought this was a temporary stopgap until we get married - that the feeling of discomfort would subside when we get married and confirm as such in front of all our virtual friends on facebook with a relationship status change. Imagine my surprise when I learned that H can't yet wrap her head around calling me her husband. Its another word that just feels foreign to her. I am assuming that this comes from a long held belief that she would never "take a husband." Or that - for 30 months now I have been her "boyfriend" and that she resists change. We have been bandying about alternatives to call me (for the record, I am OK with calling her my wife). Here is what we have come up with so far (with my thoughts on each):

- Lover (too Jackie Collins)
- Partner (too androgynous)

- Boyfriend (not enough)
- life-partner (too new-agey)
- Guy she married (too much like a Kevin James Sitcom) - plus, could you imagine that moment when the Judge pronounces us "guy she married and wife" - it doesn't sound right.

So, where do we go from here? I think this is one of those small instances where it is clear that I am just more traditional than H. I see no real problem with this transition. Does she? I ultimately do not think so - maybe she was just having one of those moments where words just seem funny sounding.

"Chet. Chet." (OK - that one was for one person who I know reads this blog).

Hiatus

2009-05-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

H and I took a much needed hiatus from all things wedding this weekend and instead decided to celebrate a real holiday - my 32nd birthday. I think this was important (not the birthday stuff - there have been points in the last year that I have forgotten how old I am), but rather, a weekend like a normal couple doing normal things and talking about something other than the wedding. I think there is a shared fear between H and I that we are going to get married and there is going to be this lull because we don't have the wedding to plan. Its silly, we know, but, seriously, we talk about it... a lot. Its not to say we don't enjoy the conversation. One of my favorite nights this year was doing the Save the Date cards - we split a bottle (or three) of wine and sat around the dining room table listening to music and talking about the wedding.

But, the wedding is one day, and we have a lifetime ahead of us. So, with that said, it was nice to have a date weekend - complete with fancy dinners, day drinking, birthday parties, dance parties, late night burritos and hangovers. For three days, at least, we didn't have the wedding hanging over our heads and that was - in a word - nice.

I won't go into all the details - I will actually go into very little detail - only to say that, once again, H nailed it on my birthday dinner (and breakfast)(she somehow got up at 6 AM with me and made me waffles and turkey sausage). For dinner, we went to the Publican in the West Loop. It was outstanding - just my kind of place. The menu, the crowd and the vibe were all perfect. I think H and I were unsure how I would handle the community seating approach (think giant dinner party), but we were seated at a corner of a large table - which felt extremely intimate. Our server was extremely cordial and the food (the dover sole and the mussels) was remarkable. I would recommend it to anyone that asks.

Thank you Bubs - you're the best

Yikes - at least there was breakdancing.

2009-05-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

As embarrassing as it sounds, make no mistake about it - H and I are big Jillian Harris Fans. I am guessing that most of you have no effing clue who Jillian Harris is - thats OK. Unless you are addicted to catastrophic reality match making shows like the Bachelor franchise, you probably shouldn't know who she is. She was the big winner in the Jason Mesnick sweepstakes last season on the Bachelor - by big winner, I mean, she was in the top three and was not chosen. Now - as the fates and America will have it, she is this season's "Bachelorette."

H and I thought it would be funny if I kind of reviewed the show (each week? maybe? If I have the energy). Please know that between her and I there is a 120 minute running commentary in the house - so this recap is as much her as it is me. Admittedly, I watched the Bachelor before meeting H. I think I started sometime in the Andrew Firestone season and have been a semi-regular viewer since then. I do think, however, that it is funny what my television regimen has become. Lets just say I definitely know what happened on the Real Housewives of New Jersey last night, but do not know the Cubs' score. The things we give up for co-habitation. There are currently 4 "Whose Wedding is it Anyway?" and 3 "Say Yes to the Dress!" episodes on our DVR right now...and 'we' plan to watch all of them (I usually fall asleep unless the wedding planner/dress buyer is especially bitchy).

That said, H and I are Bachelorette watchers and were glued to the television Monday night as 30(!) suitors vied for national exposure...and Jillian's heart - who says you can't have both!?! I have read other blogs/recaps of the episode - their thoughts were pretty much spot-on. For a full recap, you have to read the TV Watch one - she is hilarious. I will do my very best to avoid stealing her thoughts/quips on this episode...and I don't have the notes or skill to remember who is who - H and I know who we like thus far and who we don't like. There are a few that we are up in the air on and a few that we definitely think are closeted. I swear the whole "meet the stags" portion of the show was like an ambiguously gay workout video. Each one of these guys is good looking and each had at least an 8-pack stomach (I think Kiptyn's abs had little abs). Is this what reality TV has come to? I am paraphrasing something I heard on a Sports Guy podcast - but, this season of the Bachelorette and the Road Rules/Real World Challenge may prompt the television execs that be to start drug testing. These dudes are all jacked - where do they find the time? Is there a secret reality TV ranch style workout facility where these guys spend 8 hours a day doing sit-ups? It can't be natural.

That aside - I know its the first episode and that we don't really know anything about these dudes (note - almost all of these guys are dudes or bros - very few are actually men), but I am serious when I say that I don't see that many potential good guys for Jillian (or anyone else really). During the Mesmick season, H and I earmarked both Melissa, Naomi and Jillian right off the bat - Molly was the dark horse. And what do you know - Mellissa, Naomi and Jillian were in the final four. The Deanna season, H was immediately smitten with Jeremy and we had a feeling that Mesnick and Graham would go far - again - what do you know? This season is going to be a little more difficult.

First off - I have read in two places that people like Stephen (?) - the lawyer from NY. Our immediate reaction was "d-bag." Now - I am a lawyer and I will say this - most lawyers that just got out of law school are complete tools - present company included. I cry myself to sleep at night thinking about how big of a d-bag I was right after I graduated. I routinely found myself half-drunk on Friday mornings and on Rush & Division at 4 AM or wearing wristbands and yelling Pearl Jam lyrics at strangers from a moving cab. Note to all ladies - newly admitted lawyers are all ego maniacs that need their ass kicked (PSA over).

Also - Dave, the guy she gave the first impression rose to - Really?!? I Guarantee that he is a bad drunk and gets into someone's face this season. He just seems aggressive in that 'I take my shirt off at bars and get in fights' sort of way. Not good.

Speaking of shirts - who dresses these guys? Please tell me that they didn't do this to themselves. I am a firm believer that there are only a few colored shirts that should be worn with a suit - white, pale blue and pink. I swear, I think the Sopranos made dudes feel it was cool to wear some gawd awful colored shirts - shout out to Tanner in his electric green - nice choice Bro. It seems weird that someone who has fashion sense like Jillian has some of these jamokes as her suitors. I guess if it isn't a tank top (to show off tribal band tattoo) then these bros are toast.

My First Impression Rose

So - who do we like? I think the Pilot - Jake - stands a chance. Though - he seemed creepy - creepy like "I have a second family in Tuscon and they don't know that I am here, but I had to be here to meet you, Jillian" sort of way. He is just waaay too into her for such a short period of time. I liked the breakdancer. He might be young. Juan was cool - but he has that "follow you into every room you go into"/"Sleeping with the Enemy" quality about him. We'll see how this pans out.

My pick thus far would be Ed from Chicago (represent. Represent). He seems solid and the fact that he doesn't know who Jillian is, is probably a good thing. Plus - he shares a name with and kind of looks like "Ed" from the tv show - "Ed" - not ever a bad thing.

I will update with H's pick - but for some reason, I thought it was Jake. Or Jesse the winemaker (speaking of wine - Tuesday night's Housewives when the Jersey girl said "lets go get some more char - doe- naaay" I expected to see a box of wine)(That show is nuts)(new money...hurrumph). Or whatever.

Highlights/Lowlights

I won't go too far into the scene by scene recap.
- Much has been made of the foot fetish guy - hey man, whatever. Let the freak flag fly. I would be more concerned with the sequined coat he was wearing.
- If Greg is a Bilbro on the scale from One to Bilbro - then what is someone who is actually taller than Jillian (I'm sorry - I am obsessed with being tall. I bragged to H several times how empowering being the tallest guy in the elevator is)(I rule).
- Wes the Country singer is toast. As an aside - anyone who brings their guitar to a reality Tv show - or on any date - is a d-bag.
- If James Spader from "Pretty in Pink" and that aggressive Equestrian guy from "Mad Men" got together and had a baby and that baby made another baby with Bright Eyes - and that baby had a $30 gift certifcate to H&M - you would have Kyle the graphic designer from Brooklyn. That is not a compliment.
- The Dance off was awesome - better than the dance off at the beginning of "Stomp the Yard."
- The "you ARE a catch" guy was harmless - and greasy.
- Julian the restaurant guy was pretty rough - I think someone told him that sheepishly talking with your head down and tilted to the side is endearing. I am here to tell him its not. Plus - nice car. Nerd. When is the lease up on that bad boy?
- With all this competetion it was hard to pick the biggest turd in the toliet - then I remembered Bryan from Atlanta/Alabama. I don't know about the girls out there - but any time you mix chauvenism, xenophobia and obnoxiousness ("hot tub harris")(really?) you have yourself a winner. The fact that she gave him a rose makes me think that she was pretty drunk by the end of the night and mixed up the Bryans and then said - "whatever - they're both gone by week two anyway..."

Will Jillian find love? I don't know. I will be sure to let you know - right after I make fun of the dude she picks.

Thinking (Thomas) Pink...

2009-05-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

I should have learned this lesson a long time ago. I am not a rookie. I have been back in Chicago for seven years - even living within a John Daly tee shot from Michigan Avenue for five of those years - how did I think shopping on a Sunday afternoon when it was 65 degrees and sunny outside would turn out? My bad...actually - it was their bad - and by "their" I mean the customer 'service' representatives from Saks for Men, Bloomingdales, Brooks Brothers, Kenneth Cole and Hugo Boss. H and I are so sorry to have bothered you.

I have a birthday coming up - I will be 32 this Friday. Hold the applause and the zippy happy birthday song. As a gift - H wants to buy some of the items needed to complete my wedding 'look' - including the shirt, a pocket square and my tie. Normally, she could handle this - but because I have taken special care with what I have bought thus far for the wedding and because as of today I have lost 35 pounds (!) - I needed to go with her to get re-sized and pick out what I was feeling.

We have been so busy the last few weeks between Mothers Day weekend, my mom's surgery (she is Ok) and general wedding planning, that Sunday was the day for us. And - what a day it was. I would love to pick on each store and their employees. I explained to each one that I was getting married and wanted a quality slim-fit white dress shirt to go with my suit - and that my sugar mama (who was with me) would be purchasing it. We screamed "ready to buy." Unfortunately, nobody was ready to sell. Odell at Bloomingdales was nice enough to take my measurements - he couldn't be bothered to find me a shirt to actually try on. Peter from Saks on Michigan was too busy tinkering with lyrics for his next emo/garage rock album to actually be bothered. The guy at Brooks Brothers - I forgot his name - showed us to the pocket squares and left. Not to be outdone, the guy at Kenneth Cole didn't know what a pocket square was...and finally - Hugo Boss - I walked around store for 20 minutes and couldn't even find a sales representative. Well played.

I wonder if we went on a weekday whether we would have been treated better. I am not making excuses for these jackenapes, but I imagine that they get every Wes, Mark and Dunbar (obvious MTV Real World references) from Schaumburg coming in on the weekend and not buying a thing. I am guessing they're a little desensitized from it all. Knowing this, I was careful to point out that we live down the street and that we should know better than to shop on a weekend. That apparently didn't matter (I do need to give props to Eric at Paul Stuart - he was great)(the collar on the shirt wasn't).

Which leads me to this sage piece of advice - the Thomas Pink store at Macy's on State Street is a lifesaver. I popped in there after work yesterday and was immediately greeted by Crystal - I explained to her what I was looking for and low and behold - she grabbed it for me (as well as a size up and a size down). I tried it on and got her reaction and she put it on hold for H to pick up - this took 15 minutes - tops. Unreal. Obviously, I am happy - I wasn't ready for the tremendous disappointment of visiting high end and high middle ended stores and being treated like a second class citizen - so this made up for it. It felt good to matter again.

Next weekend I am going to get all dressed up in my suit (which is now complete) - walk in to each store and say it:

"Big. BIG mistake. Huge!"

Update

2009-05-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

If you missed the update below- NEP posted our engagement photos on their blog. All I can really say is that we think that they are amazing and are so happy that we went in this direction. Both H and I really believe that Nate captured who we are with the photos and we cannot wait to see what he does as an encore at the wedding.

While the on-line view is remarkable, what is truly unbelievable is that they look even better when printed. My mom has already ordered a few hundred dollars worth of the photos and I am staring at one of them right now on my desk as I type this. If you have any interest in seeing the whole catalog of photos - please let me know and I can send you the link.

Like bellybuttons...

2009-05-14T06:35:00.000-07:00

I have very few complaints about this process. Dare I say, I even enjoy this process. But there are drawbacks. Even some of the drawbacks have drawbacks. Without a doubt, though, the single most difficult thing for H and I in all this planning is making sure that everyone else and the thoughts and opinions of everyone else is heard and that these same people are happy with the decisions, compromises, etc., that we make.

If only we believed her...

A few months back, H's bridesmaid, Deb, told H over brunch that, for whatever reason, people need to be shown the "love" leading up to the wedding. When this thought was relayed back to me, I didn't believe it. I had always looked at weddings as the one day that the bride gets to hog the attention (for better or worse). I thought it was an unwritten rule that everyone understood: its the bride's (and by extension - the happy couple's) day. I assumed that everyone would simply smile, tell H how beautiful she looks and if they disagreed with a choice we made, they would keep their opinions to themselves and talk about it behind our backs. I think its a fair trade...we get the wedding we want, you get open bar and 20 minutes of cattiness behind our backs. Everyone wins.

It really goes to show how naive I can be sometimes. Maybe its the fact that I have only been a groomsmen and never really behind the scenes, but this is not even close to what has been happening. Now - I need to couch this in a way that does not suggest we are unappreciative of all that people have done/will do for us. Its just that, you know, some people want to know that they count. That their opinions count. That they're important. That we show them the love. And by us doing this, maybe, they feel, it will some way validate the relationship we have with that person. How can we let these people know they matter to us without sacrificing some of the things that are important to us in the wedding?

This issue extends to almost everything wedding related - be it the places we register (Crate and Barrel and Bloomingdales by the by), our honeymoon (this is mostly because not one person has ever heard of it)(apparently I am the only person that watches the Little League World Series anymore), bachelor and bachelorette parties, hotel blocks and just about everything else. I don't have an opinion on these things and I am the one getting married - so, it is disconcerting at times when someone else is telling me the way we HAVE to do something.

It seems that if we have two people agree with us, we probably have one that disagrees. I have no problem with people disagreeing with us. Its their right and if they see something a certain way, it may help us fashion a solution that keeps everyone happy while maintaining the vibe we want from the wedding. But disagreeing with a decision of ours just to simply voice the way you would do it does nobody any good - rather it just creates unnecessary friction. The most baffling part for me is that there are opinions and pleas to be loved coming from all angles and directions - now, our parents and their opinions I can understand - they're part of this process and, frankly, we have good enough relationships with them that we can butt heads a little bit - but when the registry coordinator at one of the stores we may register at has something to say about how we're doing things, I have to draw the line...

Now - please do not read this like this is something that we are upset about. We're not - I am just venting. I truly was not ready for this aspect of wedding planning. I envisioned proposing to H, hiring Monica and then not worrying about it. I am beginning to believe that making sure everyone's opinions are at least heard is the most difficult part of the wedding planning - and infinitely more difficult than picking out a china pattern. Yes, we can handle it, but it is a very big aspect of the wedding...and dinner parties.

So, if you're reading this and you ask yourself "I wonder if I have done this?" You probably have and we love you anyway...

Daddy Needs a New Pair of Shoes

2009-04-23T06:31:00.001-07:00

Not to be out done by H, I have been scouring men's fashion magazines since Sunday to find my own wedding shoe. Personally, I think this is more daunting than H's journey. She saw an episode of "Sex and the City" and decided that she had to have a particular pair of shoes. I wasn't exactly watching "Oceans 11" and paying attention to footwear.

Like most stores in Chicago, I have walked past the Johnston & Murphy store on LaSalle between Madison and Washington for literally seven years. I have never stopped in. I finally did yesterday after Court. I immediately told the gentleman working that "I am not looking to buy anything today." He must have smelled the chum in the water. Within two minutes, I was sold. Simple. Black. Lace-ups. And up-sold. Simple. Brown. Lace-ups. 15% off. Plus a $50.00 gift certificate to JM (In my defense, I needed new brown shoes. My friend Todd once compared my last pair to the sort of shoe you'd see on a south beach opium dealer)(I thought that they screamed Italian Bougeois)(Todd was right).

I am not very good at making bigger ticket purchases, so I texted H and said - "Hey I am at shoe store. They have my shoes on sale, if I buy a second pair." I didn't hear from her for a few minutes, so I bought the shoes (prompted by the salesman to "sometimes just make a decision without her)(Note: he wasn't wearing a wedding ring). I texted H again and said "I am sure you can guess what happened at the shoe store."

A Woman's Right to Shoes...

2009-04-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

OK - so, I blatantly stole the title of this post from H's favorite "Sex and the City" episode. Guilty. But, totally appropriate. H got her wedding shoes yesterday and is very, very excited. How excited? Its hard to say - I saw her open and close the box at least 5 times between 5:30 PM and 8:00 PM - she also texted her friends a picture of the shoes to get their feedback. She also wore them around the house, but made sure to wash her feet, because she didn't want to get any pug hair on the shoes...

I am assuming that it is going to kill her to wait until September to wear these. I will probably keep a running tally on how many times I catch her wearing them around the house or sitting on the couch in her PJ's with them on. The early Vegas line is +/- 40 (I would take the over).

Daddy get your Gun -

2009-04-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

While we are handing out congratulations - my good friend OB and his wife - Mrs. OB had their second child on Friday, April 17, 2009 - a beautiful baby girl, Emersen Grace (OB has confirmed that his daughter was named after their freshman dorm where they met at Miami). Kidding. Kind of. Congratulations to all of you. Now get Lucan boxing lessons, so he can become 'that' scary big brother.

Nice.

2009-04-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

I am not really prone to short posts (see below), but I would be remiss if I did not post that one of H's bridesmaids, Deb, and her husband, Robby, welcomed a new addition to their family yesterday afternoon. Jonah Benjamin was born at 12:17 PM yesterday afternoon. Congratulations! We're so happy for you and are looking forward to meeting the little guy.

Divas for the Day...

2009-04-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we met with our photographer, Nate Rowe of Nathanial Edmunds Photography, for our engagement photos. Let me say this at the onset - Whitney Houston - the grandest of all divas - has nothing on either H or me. To prepare for our photo shoot, we took Friday to get ourselves in the right state of mind - this included tanning (yes, tanning) and fashion shows and the like. Before I fell asleep that night, I said to H - "Don't laugh at me, but I have been practicing my smile a lot today. H responded - "I won't laugh. I have too." I do love that girl.

We were scheduled to meet with Nate at 1 PM. Before that, however, we had some work to do. I had committed to drink beers and watch Arsenal storm to a 2-0 win over Man City. H had committed to attend the baby shower of our neighbor - Messy Mandy (this is how she is programmed in my cell phone as well as the way that H and I refer to her. Messy Mandy owns and operates her own business Messy Mandy - as a personal assistant to help get her clients organized, be it for tax season or Thanksgiving dinner - she does it all. For the male readers - she is kinds of like the "Wolf" in "Pulp Fiction.")(We think the world of Messy Mandy and highly recommend - we know her as our neighbor, but also know how committed she is to her client)(shameless plug is over).

Anyway - H - dressed for the photos and looking absolutely classic and stunning - went to the baby shower and had a few glasses of Riesling to ease her nerves about the picture taking (this is going to be a theme). I picked her up about twenty to one and we were off to the first location: Paramount Room.

For those who have read this blog with any sort of consistency, you'll know that Paramount Room is a very special place to H and I. Since we moved in together in May, 2007, we have been going to Paramount Room for Friday happy hour. We love it there. The night I proposed, I arranged a little engagement party at PR for some of our friends and family to surprise H (it worked). We cannot say enough good things about the people and the vibe this place has. It doesn't hurt that they have a great beer selection for me and a unique and well done cocktail list for H.

About two weeks ago, H and I decided that we'd like to have some of our engagement photos taken at PR. I immediately contacted Jacquie via Facebook to see if this was feasible. Not only was it feasible - she was as excited about it as we were. Jacquie started at Paramount Room shortly after H and I started going there. She has become a friend. She was our server for the engagement party and she has been there virtually every time we have. H loves her and constantly leaves notes on our bill telling her the same. When we got to Paramount, the front booth was reserved for us. Which was perfect. Its the best seat in the house, the first place that we sat when we went there, and a great little corner for pictures. I would be guilty of neglect if I did not take a moment to thank Jacquie for all she did for us Saturday afternoon. She really went out of her way to make sure that we had a great time and were taken care of. It meant a lot to H and I. Thank you so, so much.

Nate showed up to Paramount shortly after we did. We sat and talked a little bit about our respective lives and the like. I think I have written about this in the past, but it is imperative to me that Nate gets a feel for us as people. I think that it helps everybody and will definitely help the end product. The more Nate gets a feel for us, the more comfortable we are with one another and the better the pictures. We had a great time, shared a few drinks (can I write that?) and got a good feel for how this was going to go. Without cue Nate started taking pictures. First it was our glassware, then the "Evil b. gone" plaque behind me. It was kind of crazy to me. A few moments before we were talking about Chicago and then it was like Nate turned on his "professional" switch and immediately went to work. It was kind of cool, because you could see his mind working for cool shots and different angles. He seemed instantly aware of all his surroundings and worked quickly - it was really interesting for me to see.

A funny thing happened though - H got really camera shy. Nate would tell us (in his raspy voice)(he was in a bar that was too loud the night before) to "look natural" and "pretend [he's] not there" or to "just carry on a conversation." The only thing H would say while we were carrying on was "I hate this. I hate this. I hate this." Who knew? I for one, think she was just saying it. She looked beautiful. She is beautiful. The camera loves her.

I think the problem - for both of us - is that we have never just had our picture taken by a professional. We have thousands of pictures that we have taken. But nothing like this. It took a little bit to get used to. That, plus, after M, this is the one of the first things that actually signifies our wedding in action, if that makes sense. We have made plans and a hundred decisions. But this was the first one of those decisions in action, I guess. And, if we are thinking of reasons - we really like Nate - but for us, its difficult to separate that relationship from the existing working relationship. We want people to like us - which can be defied by the fact that he was there to do his job for us.

We left Paramount and went outside We stressed that we wanted our engagement shoot to be a little grittier than a normal photo shoot. We are not tandem bicycles on the lake front path. We are not in front of a tree with our names carved into it. I think Nate figured this out pretty quickly and after we had some pictures taken with the Pug (who had dutifully been waiting in the wheel well of the car) in front of the endangered species murals on Hubbard, Nate got us to climb up some rocks onto the Metra tracks that run just north behind Paramount Room. It was awesome. Some great city views and the gritty we were looking for. I don't know what possessed him to climb up there and decide that this was the spot for our next shots, but he did it and I cannot wait to see these photos. We finished on our roof with the entire city scape behind us - which was great too - since, early on we indicated to NEP that being on that roof is one of our three favorite things to do together.

I dropped Nate at the house he was staying at and picked up some burritos for H and I. I cannot stress enough how much fun we had on Saturday. It was great working with Nate and NEP. It is clear to us why he is as in demand as he is. He is up for anything and really works with the client. It meant a lot to H and I that he listened to our suggestions and was willing to roll with it. I think sometimes the art can cloud the artist's work. The goal here was to take good pictures that capture our personalities. We are not conventional and I think Nate really went above and beyond to capture that aspect of us. Obviously, as I wrote earlier, NEP has been recognized for excellence in its field. But, I believe Nate when he says that the awards, while nice, are not what he works for. He works for the pictures and the people he's shooting. I know he killed it Saturday and I know for a fact that there is a picture I am going to love from this set - and I hope its one where H is sitting in the booth at Paramount Room with her feet up and I am whispering something sweet in her ear.

UPDATE: The pictures turned out amazing. For a small taste - you should visit the NEP Photo Blog - we are so, so pleased with how these came out and cannot wait to see what they come up with at the wedding.

Glad you could make it...

2009-03-29T23:00:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been obsessed with the rise of the internet news medium at the expense of the newspaper (I think it all started when I listened to a 55 minute podcast argument between Bill Simmons and Chuck Klosterman) and while, this 'blog' falls into the realm of 'internet news medium' this fascination has manifested a fear that this blog simply does not have a readership. I blame work firewalls (and content)(naturally).

H and I stayed up late on Friday night drunk dialing our moms and brainstorming ways to increase readership of this blog - Aided by bottles of Chilean wine (hello Root:1) and Chimay - I think we nailed it and hope that by the middle of this week, we will gain at least 50 - 196 new readers. Obviously, we are extremely excited about the wedding and the increased traffic on this site, but thought that it would be appropriate to maybe let the new readers know what this is all about.

H and I were engaged on September 26, 2008 - immediately thereafter, H went to Trial on a $9mil wrongful death litigation. Needless to say, the wedding and the planning of the wedding was not at the forefront of H's "to-do" list.

In fact, it wasn't on the list at all.

For the first 30 days of the engagement, I was in charge (thats not entirely true - since we hired our planner about three weeks after the engagement). But, for all intents and purposes, I was thrown in the deep end with flowers, venues, invitations, photographers, mothers-in-laws and caterers. I realized quickly that I was in waaaay over my head, but also given a real opportunity to be part of the world that men/grooms are not normally allowed.

I decided to keep an online journal here - mainly for H (and my own sanity), but also for an information center for the guests and anyone else that is interested. So far, three people are interested.

I encourage all the readers to take a look around. Get comfortable with the content. Make comments. There is even some useful information about the wedding here - I intend to update things here (between work and the wedding diet and reality television - when I have the time) and talk in broader terms about the wedding and the grooms role in wedding planning.

More than anything, we really hope that you get a good feel for H and I as a couple. Many of you know me or you know H - but few of you know us. We look forward to seeing a lot of you in a few months, when, against her better judgment, H makes an honest man out of me.

No Kidding...

2009-03-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

It has been eerily quiet the last two weeks in wedding central. We received D+D's "vision" of the wedding. Its going to look amazing. In fact, after reading Gene's description of the design of the wedding, my Mesnick-esque vernacular will not do any of his thoughts justice. (BTW - I totally intended to do a whole write-up on the Melissa-Molly-Mesnick Bachelor 3-part Finale - somehow, though, I was beaten to the punch by most of America. I have thoughts on it that I will spare you dear reader (short: he's a cad). I just hope that Jillian keeps her dignity when she becomes the Bachelorette here in May).

H and I have discussed this blog over the last few weeks and it occurs to us that we don't want to give away the farm here. We are coming up on a time where this little page will be become public knowledge to our guests (rather than a wine drunk admission or a link on H's facebook page) - so, I guess, I will begin discussing more "big picture" wedding stuff from my perspective, rather than detail oriented posts. Which is nice - since, I do not and cannot remember or spell the names of most of the flowers. We are less than 6 months away from the "i'll take 'ems" and I think we have everything in pretty good order.

That said, as most of you know H and I are a little older than most couples we know when they got married. We are both post-30 (barely). That said, most of our friends are of the same age and have been married for several years and have started little families. All of their children are adorable and we have both enjoyed watching all of their personalities develop and seeing all the pictures. I have remarked to H on several occasions that many of my friends are amazing parents, since their children are impeccably behaved. Unfortunately, there is only going to be one child at this wedding - and it snorts and sheds and licks every ankle in sight. Granted - there may be a slight exception for my cousin and their children - but overall, we are thinking that this is going to be a child free wedding.

Like Mesnick (who wouldn't be able to bring Ty, btw), we struggled with this decision. We do not want to and its certainly not our intention to ostracize any of our guests who have children. We are looking at our big picture here. This is not going to be the place for a child. Its going to (hopefully) be a late night, with drinking and dancing and the like and we want our guests, including the parents, to be able to have a great, kid-free, time. Plus, its our hope that many of those parents in attendance will look forward to a night (or two) sans kids. - so they can get what we like to term "the kids are staying with grandma tonight drunk." We toyed with the idea of hiring a sitter or doing some sort of day-care set up - the problem there, again, is that if the child is on site, our guests are bound to want to check in on them occasionally, if not stay with them all night.

I know that this decision is bound to ruffle some feathers. I also acknowledge that this bright-line "no kids" policy may affect turn-out. We just hope that everyone understands that this is our wedding, which, we hope, is a reflection of our life. We want everyone to have a great time, unwind and enjoy a well-deserved night out. So, while we love your kids - H has even held one or two of them - the Pug is going to be the only 'kid' at this wedding - and even she is staying with a sitter that night!

We have great taste...

2009-03-08T16:37:00.000-07:00

Leave it to me to make this all about us - but, seriously, we know how to pick 'em.

Friday night, our planner, M, won several ISES (International Special Events Society) Indiana PACE awards for her work as a planner. My understanding is that this night is like Oscar night for "her people", but instead of Micky Rourke's ridiculous white tuxedo, all of the wedding people (planners, designers, photographers, etc.) get together to honor each other for their work and achievements over the last year.

As indicated on her Facebook Status Page - M and the company she is part of, Detail + Design, made out like Michael Phelps that night - they went 8-for-8 (there is no photographic evidence which would lead us to believe that they pulled a Phelps (or a two-footer) at the after-party). What is particularly remarkable is the fact that M was nominated for and won awards including Best Wedding ($100K+) and Best Wedding ($20K or less). H and I were really impressed by that - since it indicates M's complete ability to plan a wedding with any budget. It gives us complete confidence that she will be able to help us plan our perfect day inside the constraints of our budget.

If you have been reading this blog, you'd know that we think the world of M. She has been an amazing asset to this wedding. Without her guidance, we shudder to think where we'd be. Its nice to see M recognized for her dedication and brilliance and to know that H and I are not the only people that think that she is absolutely fabulous.

I would be remiss if I didn't also congratulate the entire Detail + Design Team, as well as Nathanial Edmunds Photography, who took home "Best Photographer." Its really exciting to know that we're going to be surrounded by all of these incredibly talented people on our wedding day.

Yuppie Coffee and Mimosa Party

2009-03-01T21:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, we knocked the cobwebs off and went to what was labeled by a friend as "the most yuppy sounding thing ever!" - the Wedding Registry class at Crate and Barrel. The class - starting at 9:00 AM at the Crate/Barrel on Michigan Avenue - is a 2 hour free-for-all in the store. You are greeted by a cabal of falsely excited CB employees that may secretly hate you for getting them up 2 hours before they may normally get out of bed and roll out of their parents house in Tinley. You get coffee and mimosas and little cakes and muffins with frosting and then you are split in groups of ten or so and given a tour of the store. Upon completion of the tour, they give you a little scanner and told you that you have about 105 minutes before the soccer moms in cheap leather coats from Chattanooga, TN in town for Spamalot and Michigan Avenue shopping trips are alllowed into the store. We better get to work.

This was - At the same time - the most intimidating and exhilarating thing ever.

We have both struggled with the idea that we are selecting things that we want people to buy us. If you haven't noticed we are in a recession, so the idea of making a list of mid-priced items that we may or may not need seems a little strange to us (of course, this logic was dismissed when we registered for an $1100 chair because we liked the color "canoe green")(I have seen some ridiculous registries, but this item definitely takes the cake)(Sorry everyone!). So, there is that element and then the fact that H and I started dating at 28 and have lived together for almost 2 years. We have accumulated a lot of things for the house. We have pots and pans and dish rags and towels and forks and colanders and what have you - they all work just fine.

I learned quickly that the key to registering for wedding gifts is to suspend logic and just look at and scan the stuff that you might use at some time. Simple enough. Symbolically, we registered for the above-pictured meat tenderizer first. It is basically the only thing that I want - every since seeing Trainer Bob on Biggest Loser show some contestant how to flatten chicken breast so it cooks more evenly and gets rid of some of the fat - I have been obsessed. I had used a hammer for a while - so the thought of actually having the proper kitchen utensil to do this is going to be awesome. I am going to tenderize everything!

Admittedly, once we got past the "do we really need an egg-timer" phase and started registering and asking questions about styles and place-settings, it got kind of fun. The fact that the store was free of Europeans benefiting from the current euro-US Dollar exchange rate was nice. All the couples were great - if they saw that you were at the knives, they would go somewhere else and then circle back later (the guy in shorts and a gold windbreaker from Charlotte, NC may just reach around you, or just breathe on your neck while you are trying to determine what cuisanart products were the best for you).

I asked H later what her favorite part was and she said the idea of registering for all these things that we will use in our future together. That's simple enough. And true enough. It was fun for H and I talk about what kind of couple we are and what we want to do with the house and what kind of parties we want to have and what our future together will be like. It was fun to think that we would have some of these items for our next 20 years (if Dan in knives is to be believed) and that they would be ours, rather than the items that we both contributed to the house when we moved in together (my couch, her lamps, etc).

It will be nice when it is all 'our home.'

Boot Camp

2009-02-25T08:14:00.000-08:00

H and I were in Indianapolis last weekend for what M affectionately called "Bridal Boot Camp" (nevermind the fact that I was 'required' to attend as well)(wedding planning is so sexist). The basic aim of the weekend was to meet our photographers and to get down to the nitty-gritty and start putting our 'vision' into action. To do so, H and I spent all week creating our vision boards, like the nutjob (Renee?) in the first episode of this season's "The Bachelor" to really 'visualize' the wedding in an effort to 'realize' the wedding (Mine was on a green posterboard with bedazzled words like "dalliance" and "elegant" - H's was a little more forthright - it simply read "BAM!!" with random pictures she pulled from Domino Magazine). OK - so, we didn't really do the vision boards - but, whatever, we had thoughts - and pictures. Lots of pictures.

The trip didn't start out great - I went to work in the morning and H would pick me up around noon. Naturally, at 12:10 PM, I freaked out and put a small, passive aggressive phone call in...it did not go over very well. Thankfully, H downloaded and played "I'm on a Boat" and everything was forgotten.

We made good time (very important to me) and immediately upon our arrival, it was on - dinner with H's parents and then drinks with M (arm cast and all), and Nate and Tiffany from NEP - our photographers. I have to point out that we had drinks in Zionsville, IN at a place called the Lobby - in the Brick Street Inn - If we ever move to Indianapolis (big if) - I want to live in Zionsville. It is a perfect little town and the Lobby serves Saison Du Pont - which is strange in an awesome way. I was pretty nervous about this meeting - I really wanted Nate and Tiffany to like us and to be as excited about the process. I am convinced if they think we're cool, we'll get 'cool' pictures. I don't know why - probably some deep-seeded high school esteem issue I have yet to deal with. More than that, H and I think its important that Nate gets a good feel for our personalities - if we're all comfortable with one another, then we think that makes for great photos. I think we all vibed right away - though I have had H pester M to make sure that they liked us - strangely no confirmation yet.

As is custom, I fell asleep and H stayed up watching television, having a glass (bottle) of wine and going through old pictures - around 3 AM, she finally came to bed. We were due to be at Detail + Design to meet with M and Gene at 9:00 AM. This was a problem. We rolled in at 9:30 AM. We make great first impressions. I don't think we have been on time to a meeting yet.

We were casually told beforehand that Gene - the lead designer at D+D - could take whatever we tell him and kind of commit it to a vision. We think that he immediately understood what we wanted - and was able to offer suggestions and show us examples. It was pretty amazing when you think about it. I don't even know if H and I knew exactly what we wanted, but Gene was able to figure us and our vision out. I don't want to spoil it with details and the like, but I have to say, that we are both extremely excited about how this is going to look. I can't wait to see our guest's faces when they walk into the reception - it could be ridiculous.

Gene left us to M for the rest of the afternoon for some tough love - budget talks, timelines, marriage licenses - all the little things that we just don't think about and/or don't know about getting married. Since M is crazy organized - she will have this wedding planned to what seems like the minute. I am glad that she is on our side. We can't be profusive enough in our praise for this woman. She should be equally commended for not ripping our heads off when we let her know that the "number" had inflated a little. We had originally anticipated inviting 160 - 180 people with hopes that 140 would be our final guest tally - M had budgeted everything around this number. You could actually feel the exasperation in her voice when we kind of casually mentioned that the number of invitees was closer to 200. Oops.

It was at this point that we let M know a little secret - its the off-shore wedding account. An account that H secretly has been putting money into to help pay for some things wedding related - like her dress and some other 'big ticket' items. So, our budget has been slightly misleading for a while now. We like our secrets, but for the sake of the coordinator - uncoordinated relationship, we thought best to let M (and all 6 of you readers) in on this one - sorry M!

Levity had been restored - the sigh of relief in the room blew our hair back (and our vision boards off the wall).

Valentime's Day...

2009-02-16T06:15:00.000-08:00

Unless you hate television and the red eye and the city's most romantic restaurant polls, no doubt that you knew this past weekend was Valentine's Day - normally an opportunity for drunk twenty-five year olds to hop on a trolley for the Screw Cupid pub crawl. You know who you are...

But for H and I its our one and only Valentines day as an engaged couple - which makes it special for us. I have said this before, I am not that into Holidays - especially non-holidays, and least of all manufactured holidays, that are not really holidays (PTL I don't have a secretary). I sound like my Dad. With Labor day and the like, I can at least get into it, knowing that there is a day off involved. Valentine's day has never been a favorite of mine - it might not even make the top ten holidays in my book. Up until meeting H (and before TiVo), the constant advertisements and love-hocking, kind of created a sense of guilt for being single. I combated this manufactured lonliness with lots of whiskey (not so important side note - I think I purposely set Valentine's day as the end date for one of my greatest benders - a girl and I broke up in January, 2002. I gave myself 30 days to get over it. Each day involved drinking. My good friend from law school called this the "best time of his life" - as he had a drinking buddy for an entire month straight. Needless to say "A Walk to Remember" with Shane West (I heart Shane West) was probably the best movie I saw that year(also, probably my nadir). By Valentine's Day, I no longer missed the girl, but, on the 15th of February, I kind of missed the drinking. Thats what a $120K private law school education gets you. Catharsis!!)

I digress...

Last year, H and I decided to ease up on the gift giving on Valentines Day (my main concern is that we set the bar pretty high the first year - complete with Justin Timberlake tickets), so we kind of put a price limit on it and then would split dinner. It worked pretty well and so, we determined to do the same this year. Naturally, we worked the wedding into the gift giving - and decided that we would buy each other vow journals in anticipation of writing our own vows. She was pretty easy - especially since she picked one out to get her. In turn, I received the exact vow journal I would pick out - simple, masculine and with lined pages, since blank pages freak me out. Well done sweetheart!

For dinner we decided on Powerhouse - which in 2007 was voted as one of the best new restuarants in the city. Again, this was in 2007. How the mighty have fallen. I have vacillated between not commenting on the restaurant and/or completely slagging Powerhouse. I am not the bigger man. What a nasty, horrible dining 'experience.' It wasn't the food (though H's whitefish wasn't "all the way" de-boned). The food was good enough. It was the complete and utter lack of service. Starting with the host (who was not at her stand - and would not be for another 5 minutes after we (and two other couples) arrived) through the bus staff (which there was none). Now, I get it - I am not one to really get critical of wait staff - I always tip no questions asked - but this was ridiculous. There was literally a pall over the entire restaurant. It was a shared experience amongst the diners. Everyone was annoyed - which, waiting 20 minutes for a drink list and some bread will do to you. After the comedy of the entire 'experience' set in, I finally relaxed and we enjoyed a nice, quiet time (aside from some woman's smoker's hack), which turned out to kind of highlight why H and I work so well - she definitely balanced me out that night and we took what could have been a disasterous night and made it fun, and even a little romantic, despite the circumstances -

Plus, we got to gorge ourselves on their free dessert. Which was nice.

Scoreboard

2009-02-09T06:57:00.000-08:00

H has taken my earlier post about not asking her bridesmaids to be in the wedding as a call to arms. She has tied up the game. It is now 6-6. Although, I will have to put an asterisk Barry Bonds style, next to her score. She has been allowed performance enhancing cell phone use to tie this up - whereas, I have been asking everyone in person.

If I am laying odds, she may be favored to win this little game that I created and am the only one participating in.

UPDATE

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner. Despite enormous odds, I got mine before she got hers, so to speak. At 11:33 AM yesterday, I was able to secure the final groomsmen. I cheated a little and made a phone call. I justified this by looking at my schedule over the next 3 weeks and realized that it was now or never. H did not secure her last bridesmaid until almost 10 hours later (while I getting my mind blown by last night's episode of Lost). Congratulations to all those in the wedding party - we are honored and humbled that you agreed to be a part of what is a very special day for us. For everyone else - thank you for trying out.

On the Sidelines...

2009-02-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

Something strange happened yesterday while we visited my Mom in the suburbs - I officially became marginalized in something in the process that is not dress related. Maybe marginalized is not the correct word, but rather, I became a follower, instead of a leader. We started on our save the date cards ("STDs" - seriously, this is what they call them in the industry) yesterday. With ideas from our planner and the help of the Mom, we have come up with a creative way of incorporating the venue into our STDs (I don't know if I like this - now there is a possibility that when an irresponsible frat boy googles "the clap" he is going to come up on this blog)(Note to frat boy - be responsible!!)(I digress). We were trying to determine lay-outs and colors and the whole shebang... and I was asked to go upstairs and work on copy. I would have no input into the colors, etc., of the STD. I shouldn't be surprised. This sort of thing, admittedly, is not my strongest suit. I would fail an art class right now. I would also be fired from my job if I was a graphic artist. Seemingly, my three brothers got some artsy gene. I got chip n' pepper jeans. I try to make things equal by being that annoying guy in the group project - I suggest a lot of things and hope that one of the smarter people in the group hears it and says "yes, that's brilliant!!" After three or four minutes, I sensed that the Mom was zoning me out. H followed suit shortly thereafter.

I imagine that this sounds like I may be bitter about this or that my feelings are hurt. I'm not and they're not. Not in the slightest. I know its for the best, since, the writing may be more suited to my strengths, but I also realized two valuable things. I have been looking forward to the day that H became excited about the process and the planning. It seems like she is now-She and the Mom were really into this project and that was good to see. Maybe it was the dress that kick started H into gear. Whatever it is, I am thankful for it. I have looked forward to this whole process as something that H and I can share and, in the last few months, it really feels that way (after a first calamitous month of the engagement - which eventually prompted working M - our planner - into our budget).

I think, too, that maybe the more important lesson that I learned is that I have to let go a little. I have suggested to H in the past, that it has been difficult for me to not be involved. Since I was SO involved in the initial planning, it has been difficult for me to take a step back in this process and let other people help or make decisions without me or my input. Like I said, I want to share this with H, and if I am serious about wanting this wedding to be something that we both look back upon as something we (+ M) put together, then I need to be willing to do so.

Peas and Carrots

2009-01-27T07:00:00.000-08:00

This situation plays itself out at least once a month - H will go out with her girlfriends for a bite after work. She will promise that she will be home at a reasonable time. That she'll call if she is going to be late. That she is only going to have one, maybe two glasses of wine....

I know better.

Almost without fail, H doesn't call or text and comes home 4-5 hours later than originally anticipated, reeking of booze and red wine, drunk as a high school sophomore and bearing Mexican food (which is kind of endearing when you think that she truly believes that I want a sober burrito at 2 AM on a Wednesday - 4 hours after I went to bed)(yes, I go to bed at 10 PM).

I know exactly who to blame: H's bestie "Midge." Who is now H's Maid of Honor (that's 2 of 7 bridesmaids asked, if you're counting at home).

Midge has been around as long as H and I have been together. She was H's partner in crime the night we met - the falsetto to H's alto in their bar rendition of "Wind Beneath my Wings." She was H's sounding board and biggest cheerleader in the beginning of our relationship (the person who was on the receiving end of H's "Best.Date.Ever." text message) and has been a consistent positive influence in H's life since they met at work several years ago and a constant presence in our relationship.

If there was a"bestfriendfinder.com" which asked a series of questions and then gave you matches based on your answers, H and Midge would be 100% compatible BFFF. They watch movie awards shows together via text (H will not say a word for 2-3 hours while this is going on)(though, you will hear her snicker every couple of minutes). They are each other's de facto karaoke partners and the only person in the room that gets the punchline. I sometimes think that these two would make a fun variety show (kind of like if Jessica and Nick's Christmas special was clever and loud and filled with drunk on champagne singing). I would at least watch the first episode (I can't say the same for the new Rosie O'Donnell adventure).

We watched "Step-brothers" Sunday night. Its probable that this is how H and Midge became best friends-Not that they hated each other or hit each other with aluminum bats, but, rather, one day they got to talking and they realized that they have EVERYTHING in common. Its kind of endearing really. Nobody (not even me) makes H laugh like Midge does. And that's kind of the point. I am so thankful that H has a friend like this - someone that challenges her but is totally supportive of the decisions - whether bad or good - that H makes; someone who respects our relationship and instead of getting jealous, has got to know me and has let their relationship grow with me a part of the equation - too often, I think, friendships suffer when a person gets involved in a serious relationship. That hasn't happened here (I hope). Above all, I am thankful that H has someone she can always count on.

So, Midge - I know you're reading - here's to you. I am happy to know that you will be a part of our big day. Thank you for being a friend...

No strippers at the bachelorette party.

Its a Family Affair...

2009-01-27T06:43:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was the 5th Annual "To Ale (House) and Back" Chicago Pub Crawl. Each year since H moved to Chicago, her family and their friends and loved ones meet in Chicago (in January) for an all out assault on restaurants and drinking establishments with the inevitable stop at the Old Town Ale House for lewd wall art and perhaps the city's best all-jazz jukebox. This pub crawl, after Christmas and Thanksgiving, is one of H's favorite events of the year. She gets so geared up for it and is crushed when the last person leaves.

Each successive year the pub crawl (which is coupled with a Friday night dinner and meet and greet) has grown larger in numbers. Last year, I was shocked when we reached twenty-strong. This year - we were looking at 30+. Aside from H and I, we had 6 other people staying at our house. Rather than go to the 'important' Chicago places (read: Tourist Traps), H's family likes to seek out the city's best dive bars or the bars with some history behind them (think Green Door, the Lodge, Billy Goat and Twin Anchors). Its one of the reasons I like them all so much. There are absolutely no pretensions with the group. Simply, they all love being together, having some drinks and having a good time - even if that means giving you (meaning me) a hard time. They're all characters with good hearts and a great ability to let their guards down and laugh at themselves - which is rare.

Admittedly, it has taken a little for me to get use to this. The first trip - about a month after H and I started dating (sweet side story - we decided to be 'bf/gf' this same weekend) - I was quieter. A lot of "yes sirs" and "no thank you's" This was the first time I met her mother, stepfather, aunt Mary and uncle Gene that I had heard so much about. I was so frightened that I wouldn't make a good impression. Within two minutes of me arriving at the Lodge, H's Aunt Mary circled around me, told me I had a great ass (I do), and then grabbed it (she did), I had no idea what to do - I think they all loved the shocked look on my face.

I come from a relatively small family. Its my brothers, Mom and I, plus three aunts, two uncles, and five cousins. It is a rare occasion that I see any of this family - most live in Pittsburgh (um, Go Steelers). It is a little different for me, then, to now have this huge family that love to get together, drink together and actually are committed to doing so at least once a year in such large numbers. Other than Christmas and Thanksgiving, when my brothers and I get absolutely loaded on whiskey and Stella Artois, we don't all get together to go out.

This weekend (as well as the preceding "To Ale (House) and Back" Pub Crawls) has made me look at family a different way and I think they have allowed me to appreciate my family in a little different way. Family can be and should be, friends. I look at the relationship my younger brother and I have cultivated over the last few years and I wonder whether this is somehow indirectly correlated with the comfort and ease that H and her family seem to have around each other. If it is, I am greatly indebted to them.

Sometimes when something embarrassing happens, H's Aunt Mary will turn to me and say "hey, its Family!!" And she's right, this is part of my family (and by extension, so is my own family - who have since joined in on these events) These are going to be my holidays for the rest of my life - large chaotic affairs accented by tons of laughter (and bud light), singing, dancing and great company.

I better get padded pants.

Losing my religion...

2009-01-22T07:26:00.000-08:00

I am unsure where the old cliche about not talking about religion and politics fits into the super-high tech world wide web. This blog game is new to me. As Marvin Candle recently said - "there are rules, rules that can't be broken!!" - so, I want to be careful not to offend - especially if religion does play a role in your (meaning the reader) life. Plus, I am convinced that there are hundreds of thousands of wing nut watch dog religious groups out there that spend their entire day googling "religion" only to go absolutely First Testament on the author (meaning me) .

Until recently, religion - or the presence thereof - at the wedding has been an ongoing talking point for H and I pre-dating the engagement.

There are certain factions involved in the wedding that would like to see the use of some form of Christianity at the wedding - be it a religious ceremony to something as simple as a blessing before dinner. Religion plays a part in a lot of people's lives (including our families and guests) - I think there is an expectation on these people's parts that religion is a necessary component of a wedding - that a blessing and oath before God somehow validates the wedding. Ideally, you (meaning me) want to make these people happy - but at what cost?

Probably unsurprisingly, H disagrees with the use of religion at the wedding. Hard. I am sure that if you have been following this little experiment of mine, you have deduced that H is a more non-traditional bride. Naturally, this extends to the idea or the use of religion at the wedding and even the basic tenants of god and church, in general. I wonder if she has always been like this - could you imagine a frizzy haired little girl in the 9th grade with big red framed glasses (think nerdy girl who writes for school newspaper in any 80's teen sitcom) refusing to say the pledge of allegiance because of the use of some doctrine in the recital. It makes me laugh - especially the part where I think H was a teen nerd who wrote for the school newspaper and broke stories such as "where exactly does the sloppy joe meat come from?" I digress.

Last week, H waited for the 66 bus to take her to the blue line stop. As three buses passed her, she had time to think about the wedding and the things that she wants and the things that absolutely cannot be part of the wedding. Religion was atop this list. She had some time to really consider this and when she finally got into the office - about an hour later - she was REALLY fired up. I was treated to the most impassioned (*cough* nuts *cough*) stance on religion at the wedding yet. I wrote a few posts ago about "Bridezillas" - this was H's bridezilla moment. She fully admitted it. She was putting her foot down and pulling Bride rank (NOTE: this was the first time that she 'officially' pulled rank). She detests what organized Christianity stands for - the role of women in the church, the homophobia, the elitism and the false acceptance/backroom prejudices of the church - and did not want any hint of religion at the wedding. She is my little Brangelina taking a stand against the Church until the Church cleans up its act a little and recognizes.

Fair enough.

I can't say I disagree with her. I don't go to Church. I don't even lie about going to Church (to make my mother happy). I was raised catholic-ish and went back to church while I was in law school. When my father died, I went back to church for a grief group that allowed me a certain feeling of catharsis. Since then, other than one mass (maybe two) a year, I don't make it back to church. I cannot say with a straight face that God or the belief in God has played a major role in my life, rather, its a part of my make-up - a tiny part of my belief system - something that gives me some guidance in the way I live and some solace when things are rough. I have my issues with the catholic church as well - specifically the antiquated doctrine and the use of fear (and sometimes intolerance) to convince people that their way is THE way. I could not - without some hypocrisy - tell H that the use of prayer at our wedding was a big deal to me. Simply...its not.

My desire to have some form of prayer at the wedding largely stemmed from a need to make everyone happy and/or comfortable. I am sure that there are people out there that, for whatever their reason, think that you (meaning us) HAVE to have prayer at the wedding. Whether it is what they're used to at weddings or what they believe - I imagine that they feel a tie to some traditional aspects of a wedding - usually manifested via the use of religion.

I think what I have to remember, more than anything, is that this wedding is about H and its about me and about our life together - a life in which god and religion play a rather small role. So, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what our guests feel belongs in a wedding or even what they do on Sunday mornings. What matters is us, and what we are comfortable with and what we want on our day. This is a celebration of our lives together and we want to share it with everyone in our own very unique way - which does not include religion (or a 60 minute ceremony). When any of our guests get married (renew their vows, whatever) and want to use religion at their ceremony, we promise that we will not roll our eyes and will respect that this is a reflection of their lives.

Swear to god.

Say yes(es) to the dress(es)

2009-01-19T10:28:00.000-08:00

I had indicated previously that information regarding H's wedding dress requires level 5 security clearance - I have level 1. No big deal to me. The less I know the better. That said, I am happy to say that H has found her perfect wedding dress...

Again.

I won't say I wasn't warned. When dress shopping started, her step-father gave me the rundown of how H and her Mom would shop for school dances. Normally they would buy 5-7 dresses and then the night of the dance they would decide. Imagine the poor pock faced kid trying to get H a corsage. Poor bastard.

I refused to believe that this would translate to wedding dress shopping. Extremely early in the engagement, H had earmarked a dress that she loved - that she had to request be added to some trunk show and that she would not be able to see/try on until January 17, 2009. In fairness, H decided not to put all of her eggs in one dress basket and set out shopping. H's mom and aunt made a trip to Chicago just after Christmas. They made several appointments at stores that I never knew existed and went full throttle trying on as many dresses as each appointment would allow. Cue cheesy video montage of H and company laughing and giggling and trying on crazy outfits - for the music, I have chosen "Electric Feel" by MGMT - "Ooh girl, shock me like an electric eel..." - trust me, in my montage, this works.

I still thought that she would never dare buy a dress until the trunk show on the 17th. I was wrong. At the next to last store, H texted me "um, I may have bought a wedding dress!"H seemed really excited with her decision and had an instant vibe with the maker - an independent dress shop on Damen Avenue...her Mom and aunt seemed really pleased with it too - so pleased, in fact, that her Mom bought her dress there too. H canceled her remaining appointments and enjoyed the rest of her day off, knowing that she found THE Dress. Still, I couldn't help to shake the feeling that this was not the end of this.

I was right.

The next morning, H did her best GOB Bluthe impression when she turned to me and said "I think I made a huge mistake."

H could not get the other dress out of her head. She was lying awake at night thinking about the first dress she ever loved. Within days she said "I think am going to try on the other dress." It took some herculean efforts to suppress the "I told you so..." that was dying to come out. Rather, like a good BFBFF, I said that if this meant she is going to be happy on her wedding day, then I am all for it. I would hate for her to wonder about the other dress or change her mind when the original dress has been cut - I have a limited understanding on these things, but I am guessing, you can't return these things.

Needless to say - she is in love - real love - with this dress. She has been walking around the house pretending she is NeNe from "Real Housewives of Atlanta" - yelling "Bam - my dress is so hot - BAM! Its young, sexy, glamorous. BAM!"

So, while I may not know what she is going to wear on September 12, 2009, I am glad to know that H is going to be wearing the exact dress that she wanted...even if it was her second first choice.

My name is my name...

2009-01-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

The other day, I received an e-mail from H - it read "I will go ballistic if someone gives me a shirt that says "Soon to Mrs. [TMS19]" I couldn't sleep last night and was worrying about the wedding and that was one of the things keeping me up." [redacted to maintain some anonymity](which is ridiculous, I know).

I laughed at this - I normally do. The fact that she was kept up at night because she feared that someone might just assume that she was taking my name is kind of funny. But that is H and that is in large part one of the reasons I love her. Now, H doesn't buck tradition just for the sake of being different. She isn't the kid in high school who comes back from summer vacation with a dye-job and black nail polish just to be different. Many of her stances on things wedding and marriage related are well thought out and articulated in a manner that I can't help but respect (if not always agree with) her position.

H is not taking my last name. She doesn't want it. "Keep it" she said. And I respect that. I am certain that some of this is born from the fact that she is the last of the line - her father passed away while she was young, and her mother has since re-married. She is the 'last of her kind' and she wants to preserve the name. The other part of the equation is more complicated and could probably ruffle some feathers of other married folk. I will definitely not give her thoughts on this due justice, but I'll try - H is fiercely independent and doesn't believe in the traditional construct of marriage. To borrow a phrase from "True Blood" - she is not "mine." Nobody is paying me a dowry to take her off her family's hands. She goes into this marriage on her own accord and her own terms. She has worked hard her entire life to make a name for herself and doesn't see the point in sacrificing her identity, which she has been forging for 30+ years, because tradition tells her she has to. While this may be what some people want, she wants none of it. What would you expect from someone who minored in women studies in college...right?

Naturally, I was skeptical at first. I am definitely more traditional than H. A lot of that, though, is born from the ideals about marriage instilled in me by my parents and the environment I grew up in. I am from suburban Chicago. My hometown is filled with WASPy children of baby boomer's families and their non-denominational Christianity and midwest value system. It is commonplace to assume that H would simply take my name and be happy with it. Honestly, I never considered it from her point of view...that's just the way I was raised.

Ultimately, its about identities. Her name and identity are hers and mine is mine - what is most important is the identity that we forge together going forward.

Put a Ring On It

2009-01-15T11:02:00.000-08:00

I realize that I am such a dude about this wedding game. H has been e-mailing me ideas about what to post here (this is probably in concert with the posted link to the blog on her Facebook page)...one of the ideas she came up with, which I feel like such a dolt for not writing about earlier is the ring. Details!

H is not your typical bride to be. She doesn't pay much attention to the traditional conventions of a wedding. Where tradition dictates one thing, H believes another (for ex. the presence of religion at the ceremony)(more on that in later posts). Normally the engagement ring falls under the umbrella of traditional wedding fare...

Not in our house.

The signs were early and often and they were not discreet...I truly believe that Sasha Fierce stole that finger wagging "put a ring on it" routine from H. I think her mother even started to do it. No pressure.

However, there were some ground rules - if you get me a diamond, I might say 'no.' H doesn't believe in them. She wants to be unique. Fair enough. Secretly, I was freaking out - I know nothing about jewelry. Not.One.Thing. Diamonds are easy - there are what, 4 C's? Piece of cake. If you don't want a diamond, then, really, what do you get? I was lost. The answer, of course dear reader, is simple - lemon citrine. With diamonds laid around the stone. And the band separating into two bands on its way to the setting. And a square cut.

Easy...

This is where is gets funny (I guess). H was absolutely confused by the fact that I needed her help with this. She would need to be there to point me in the right direction. The confusion and disdain from/for my suggestion was not lost on me. H actually thought that I would know how/where to go to get a custom lemon citrine engagement ring in the exact way she wanted it. Silly girl. Thankfully - the first stop - out in Lisle somewhere, H realized that this was going to more of a search. Apparently these rings don't just grow on trees. The only gem stone rings this store had were on the hands of one of its employees - a sweet 67 year old lady. She said that we can come back and she'll wear her entire collection. We declined (which is a shame, since Lisle has a great Panera Bread).

It became pretty obvious to me that we were going to need to custom make this ring. We spent a day in the Gold Coast. Our first stop was David Yurman - since, we thought they would know a thing or two about gem stones. They do. Unfortunately, DY, himself, has to sign off on any custom job. He didn't.

We stopped by and talked with several other jewelers in the area and on Michigan Avenue. They were all exceptionally sweet, but none of them really knew what we were talking about. This was getting annoying. H's mom and step-dad use a jeweler in Fishers, Indiana. They thought that she might be able to help. The big city in us was skeptical. We made a trip to Indianapolis to boat and ring shop. Thank god we did. Mary Khamis knows her rings - almost from the onset, she "got" it. She sketched and altered and, most importantly, we felt like for the first time, a jeweler listened to us. Within a month, we had a molding - H loved it so much she wore that around for a day.

From that point on, H was done with the helping. Mary and I worked out all the details...and on September 26, 2008, when I proposed, H got exactly the ring she wanted.

And I get the satisfaction of knowing that everybody that sees it thinks its a yellow blood diamond.

Couch Potatoes

2009-01-15T06:45:00.000-08:00

One of the more interesting by-products of the wedding planning has been our increased television consumption (which is saying a lot - since we are pretty solid TV consumers right now). Naturally, our affinity for trashy reality television has blended nicely with the wedding planning and has resulted in a variety of wedding planning reality shows on our DVR (that's digital video recorder for the TiVo legions) . Seriously.

I can't get enough.

If its not "Whose Wedding is it Anyway?" its "Say Yes to the Dress." Invariably, there is some wedding countdown show with snarky commentary. I love those. These are all well and great (and they are great) - but not a single one of them holds a candle to "Bridezillas." That show - in the parlance of junior high times - is off the chain. It is totally car crash television and for awhile there I wouldn't cover my eyes, lest I miss the next firework. I expect the couple in WWIIA? spending $1mil on a wedding to be complete A-holes...what I didn't expect is the bride with a $2,000 budget and having a pot-luck wedding dinner to be just as demanding as the $1mil couple. Crazy doesn't look at bank statements, apparently.

So, for those who have not been indoctrinated to B-Zillas - it is a reality show about crazy, needy, irrational brides in the weeks leading up to their wedding. It has, with zero doubt, given me a new appreciation for just how relaxed H has been thus far in the process, because, these b**** be crazy.

Now, I don't know if its for television or just the constitution of these "ladies" but it seems to me that each one of them is out to sabotage their own wedding and make their bridesmaids hate them in the process - at least two of the episodes showed brides activitely plotting against their bridesmaids. Last time I checked, those ladies are supposed to be of some import to the Bride - so, then, whats the point of telling the girl she needs to drop some LBs and get her lip waxed or purposely picking dresses that will look horrible on just about everyone?

These women were bad - Lisa Copola, literally took the cake (and shoved it into her father-in-law's face for daring to have a birthday the same night of her rehearsal dinner)(WTF?). Lisa was the reason why H and I watched BZ for two hours straight one night. So, you have a struggling actress...you take away her medication and you videotape her in the weeks leading up to re-marrying her ex-husband and hilarity ensues. But not "Everybody Loves Raymond" hilarity - rather the kind that is funny because it is so over the top and unbelievable that there are no other reactions available. Other than the cake stuffing incident, she also destroyed her veil (because it was a wisp too big)(um, have it altered), dropped a $10K ring into a glass of wine, because it was not exactly what she wanted (even though, according to her ex-new-husband, it was), ruined her relationship with her daughter, berated and belittled a repairman to the point that he walked off the job, and literally went Hiroshima on a travel agent because her dream trip to Bora-Bora was in limbo (at $9k a person - it should have been). In my favorite scene - at her ex-new-husband's attorney's office - the couple outlines the terms of a pre-nup. When Lisa is told she doesn't have any assets, she grabs her boobs and says something to the way of "what about these right here?" I nearly spit up my drink. Naturally, like a good lawyer (they do exist) - when she was out of the room - his lawyer turned to him and said (paraphrasing) "what the hell are you doing?" Thank god he got on tape that this guy was going against the advice of counsel - that may come in handy someday.

I thank Lisa and all the other crazies - seriously - for reminding me how lucky I am. The wedding planning process has been pretty smooth. H doesn't often pull rank and has been extremely rational through this whole process. Of course, the second she starts acting up, I am threatening to call the WE channel and getting a camera crew out to our house. That should bring her back to earth.

Six to One

2009-01-07T07:29:00.000-08:00

I have been laughing about this since day one. We are, by all accounts, planning a non-traditional and, more importantly, short ceremony. We are thinking that it should last somewhere between 10 and 20 minutes. Despite that, we plan to have a 14 person wedding party. We're definitely going to make the photographers earn it. The procession will probably take longer than the ceremony itself. To put it in perspective - factoring in attrition and no-shows (yes, I have friends who bail last minute), 10% of our 'expected' attendance will be part of the wedding party. You read that right...10%

Nothing says the holidays like organizing a wedding party. Thankfully, I am much, MUCH better at it than H. Of the 14 people in the wedding party - 7 have been asked. Of those 7 - I have asked 6. Do the math. Not only that, when H did finally ask somebody (her good girlfriend from IULaw), she totally stole my build-up and speech!! (In fairness, I did get author's credit).

That said, this decision was difficult. How do you fit so many important people into one of the more seminal events of your life. I have three brothers. They were a shoe-in. My little brother is my best man - which I am excited about. He and I have really grown close since my Dad died in 2005. We watch lots of Arsenal soccer together. I have really enjoyed getting to know him these last few years and I am proud of the man he has become. I asked him several weeks ago while we were over at he and his wife's house for dinner and drinks. I asked my older brothers over the Christmas holiday. I am very excited that they each agreed to do this for and with me. After that, while I was in Indianapolis for the second part of Christmas, I asked H's step-brother - who I am a big fan of and H has become very close to. He is a great guy, who is family to both H and I. These were the easy decisions.

For the other three spots - I decided to look at my life. I have been honored to be in every wedding that I have stood up in. Unfortunately, circumstances disallow me to ask each of these friends to stand with me on my wedding day. If I could, I would. That has been the most difficult part: the realization that I cannot have every important person in my life up there with me. I know that these people, having been married themselves, understand, but that doesn't make it any less difficult.

I have asked 2 of the 3 (so, if you're reading this, keep your trap shut until I finish this). Each of these individuals are extremely important to me. Each have had a profound impact on my life and each are close friends who I trust and value. They are colleagues, confidants, peers and men who I measure myself against and always come up short. They have been there with me at my lowest, celebrated with me at my best, and have kept me grounded when I stray off path. I am proud to have each of them in my life.

So, thats done. Sappy enough? The good news for these guys, is that I am a low maintenance groom. I eschew tuxes in favor of black suits - that way, they can smoke em if they got em, or they can go out and buy one and use it forever. My bachelor party will not raise any eyebrows of their significant others. There will be no hookers, strippers or suck for a buck tee-shirts. I don't see us on Rush and Division - or anywhere close, actually. I'm old and boring...I'll probably be in bed by 10:30.

Maybe I'll update when I add that final piece. But two things are for sure - I am honored that these guys have all agreed to stand up there with me and, 2.) H has some catching up to do.

Return of the Mack

2009-01-06T10:25:00.000-08:00

I have been confused for a lot of things - a poor man's Baldwin brother, amongst them - but nobody has ever, EVER confused me with someone who likes to work out or enjoys being healthy. I do not, as they say, count calories. I enjoy wings and beer and, given the opportunity, I would eat 2 sausage egg mcmuffins each day for breakfast. I have been fortunate. Genetics, until this point, have kept me looking trim(ish) and I run - so, that has helped keep me healthy.

Naturally, in May - exactly 6 years from the last time I laced up the shoes - I decided to lace up my old soccer boots and play a recreational game of soccer with some friends while H was out of town. It took me longer to find those shoes in the closet than it did to get hurt playing. Within approximately 10 minutes of entering the fray, I had heard my knee snap, crackle and pop twice. I will blame the field turf - but I know its just me being out of shape.

This has kind of hurt the running program I was on. Besides 2 months of rehab, I kind of hate running now - its too cold. My knee hurts and if I hit a funny patch of sidewalk (common where we live because the City doesn't care about our neighborhood), its back to the doctor. Which, despite my fancy insurance, I am prone to want to avoid altogether.

Now that I am engaged, I have started the prolonged and completely necessary (yet dreaded) wedding diet. 9 months in advance (actually 10 months - I started in December, right before Christmas). To make matters more interesting - we joined a gym. This way, I get to look like I am insane on a precor machine and break the record for amount of sweat emanating from my forearms and fastest time to target heart rate.

I have always thought that wedding diets were funny in a sort of ridiculous way. When my engaged friends would house a couple of stouffers french bread pizzas, I would always ask whether it was part of their wedding diet. More often than not, the honeymoon would offset any progress made during the dieting period (normally 2 months of work preceding the wedding). Why, then, would I subject myself to the same ridicule? What is the end game here?

The answer is simple, really. I am as narcisstic as they come. I want to look good in that wedding suit. If I decide to take my shirt off on our honeymoon, I don't want to confirm what the Euros already think about Americans. I want to be skinny again. Not high school skinny - 6'2" - 160 Lbs. - but something between that and now. The wedding has given me a perfect opportunity to concentrate on this - all in the name of the wedding. This way, I am a hero. But, after 3 weeks, I have kind of decided that the wedding is just the launching off point, and, the way I reckon, its a much better reason to get and stay healthy than a cop-out New year's resolution (that piece of advice was courtesy of two meatheads while we all took a steam last night)(by the way - the gym is straight-up effing packed right now!).

Will I keep the good habits I am cultivating as part of this diet plan - which really boils down to eating better, exercising 4-5 times a week and actually spending some time in the gym? I plan to. Not just for the wedding, but for H and I's life as well - a heart attack at 50 would be kind of unfair to her.

2009 - this is our year

2009-01-05T08:45:00.000-08:00

Happy new year's loyal reader.

H and I drove to St. Louis to visit some friends from my grad school days for the New Year festivities. As we sped down I-55 (Note - I was within 1 minute of my stated ETA - H was impressed and has a new found respect for me), we decided to dedicate some time to our resolutions for 2009 - "our year" as we have been affectionately calling it (every chance I get).

And it is our year - besides all of our ways to better ourselves individually (to be discussed in next post) - this year will be the one that we remember - the year that we were married - the year that we made it through all the stress and anxiety of the planning process - the year that we officially drive our mothers (and M - our planner) crazy with millions of phone calls, texts and e-mails - the year that we really get to celebrate our relationship with so many of our friends, family and loved ones - selfishly, this year, is about us: showers, bachelor/ette parties, power chugging cuervo while wearing a tee-shirt that suggests that there may be some suck for a buck, registering for the wedding gifts (though, it seems I may have lost out on my play to get a registry at Best Buy)(Willow for the wooden deer head, thankfully, is still in play); and for H - she'll have dress anxiety, dress fittings, learning the appropriate way to let someone know that they may not be invited to our wedding, more dress anxiety, something borrowed, something blue..., and all the other things that really make-up her wedding day.

I have said it on several occasions throughout this blog - I am on pins and needles and cannot wait for September 12, 2009 to get here.

Its our year, afterall.

The Reason for the Season

2008-12-19T06:25:00.000-08:00

H and I celebrated our 3rd Christmas last Friday/Saturday. Its one of my favorite holidays - not Christmas as much - but our variation of it - usually a week early, so we can be together and personalize the whole event. Naturally, our inner epicureans found us at Old Town Brasserie on Friday night. While it may not have been No. 1 on our list of great Chicago meals, I reckon it has worked its way into the top ten. Having only had French food once before - I was reticent to try it - I am glad we did, though the dirty martini opener probably helped with my willingness to try the escargot. The meal itself was amazing. The proportions were just right and the waiter we had was cool and helpful. So, yes, I would recommend.

We exchanged our gifts on Saturday morning in typical H fashion - we got up early, put christmas pajamas on and turned the channel to the Christmas music station. There we exchanged gifts with the pug intently watching the proceedings. As always, H hit it out of the park - she has a special gift giving ability that I am still trying to cultivate. Without boring you with the details of who got what - I just hope that she was as happy as I was with the thought that went into everything. She is, rightfully, my better half.

That said, I would be remiss if I didn't wish each and every one of you a merry Christmas or happy holiday or good tidings or whatever. If I had two extra minutes I would call all 5 of you (Mom - I would just see you tomorrow). I set sail for the suburbs tomorrow and then hop in a car for the trip to H's parents house in Indianapolis on Christmas morning. I am hoping to break my record of 2hr 15 min from LZ to Indy. I think I can do it, but fear that the weather will not cooperate as much this year.

Happy Holidays to you and yours.

The List...a numbers game.

2008-12-18T13:56:00.000-08:00

The day after the engagement, H and I sat at Wishbone with her parents, nursed red wine and champagne hangovers, ate cheese grits for some extra stomach coating and talked about the wedding.

H's Mom was emphatic that we begin making a list of people we are going to invite to this clambake (not literally a clambake - rather, I think "Clueless" was on last night somewhere and I recall one of the characters ("Christian"??) using that phrasing rather judiciously). Suddenly, we need to really look hard at this - I mean how many people do we want at this thing - what is appropriate? What does our budget allow? How big is the space? How many people do we know (note: I have over 400 friends on Facebook - eat that Tila!)?

We started at a rough number 0f 200 - including guests that our parents invite. When it came down to it, we laid out some criteria - if we don't speak to these people, we need to seriously evaluate whether they'll be invited. Who would make the trip? Who weirds us out? Who is going to stress us out? What relationships stand to change - I mean, we're friends now, will we be friends in September, 2009? Who, ultimately, is wedding worthy? Blurgh!

I hate that we have to make these decisions. I mean, we're very fortunate to be where we are. We have surrounded ourselves with great people all of our lives and there are teems of people who are special to us. But, this wedding is about where we are now. I had some great friends in high school. One, in particular, I haven't spoken to in almost 3 years. How can I justify that invite?

Thankfully, I hold grudges...hard. An off-color comment about my sweater or gray hair 9 months ago, may get you on the maybe list, where you feel you should be a solid invite. Don't call me back? Don't worry about booking a flight. So - we started the List. It wasn't too painful. We were going to actually come in under our number - way under, actually. Like 40 or so plates under - nice. With the normal attrition - maybe even more since our wedding is the week after Labor Day weekend - we are looking at an intimate wedding - 150 people tops. Perfect.

Until H gets drinks in her...

I love her...let that be said. She is so sweet. She hates to let people down. These should not be character flaws. Somehow, people have figured this out. An industrious person, who may be angling for an invite to an event 10 months away may mention to H that they would like to come to the wedding. Rather than saying something like - we're not even close to having a list complete - H, through blood shot eyes and purple lips INVITES THEM!! The way this thing is going, I am half-surprised that she hasn't posted an event invite on Facebook.

We're going to have to fly M - our planner - up here to stage a bride-intervention. H is addicted to inviting people...is she keeps this up, our little, discreet, elegant affair will soon turn into just us and our 500 closest friends, hair stylists, nail techs and mail carriers.

Going Dutch

2008-12-10T07:43:00.000-08:00

Things are still relatively quiet. We are waiting on some details on music and will most likely finish up phase one here in the next week or two. Fingers crossed.

When this all started (read: when I started this all by proposing to H), it was made very clear to me that my duties entailed planning the honeymoon and going to the tasting. I thought this was a fair trade. And while the scope of my duties has changed, er, expanded, a bit, I still get to plan the honeymoon. Which is nice.

I am not a very well traveled guy. I have been out of the United States exactly 5 times - twice to Mexico, twice to Canada and once to the Bahamas. I was 30 years old when I finally traveled West of Iowa City (we went to San Francisco for our anniversary). My friends make fun of me behind my back and to my face about my reluctance to travel (some play on the words "Bruce Horsnby and the Traveling Wilburys). I have been called "boring in the car," "hard to travel with" and a host of other things. My passport - suffice it to say - bears no stamps (all my travel occurred in a pre-9/11 world)(I know...shameful).

Also - not counting the time I had strep throat in 2006 - I have never taken more than two days off from work in a row.

Thank god I love to plan things.

I explored pretty eccentric options first. I was all about Croatia for a little bit. Apparently, there is a part of that country that is like an hour from everything. I think I heard the words "new Monoco" in relation to it. Alas - there was no way I was going to take a 12 hour flight. That limited things and it soon became clear that we were going South. After heavily researching hurricane season and all things hurricane belt related and quickly checking Wikipedia to detremine the political stability of some countries in South America (read: Venezeuala and Peru), I found it - Curacao in the Dutch Antilles. Its close enough so that we can take full advantage of the trip. Its warm. Its below the hurricane belt. Its a Dutch Colony - replete with euros and smoking in public, terrific little league baseball and a fondness for all things Oranje - including Robin van Persie. Best of all - apart from a Marriot - it seems totally Un-Americanized. In fact, the travel agent we used (thanks to H's step-dad) hadn't even heard of it.

Picking a hotel was slightly more difficult. We kind of earmarked 3 or 4 hotels at the beginning. We wanted proximity to the beach. Nice rooms, and an authentic feel. Each hotel seemed pretty great. But, aside from the marriot (300+ reviews!!) for every 30 positive reviews, there was a review that shook you to the core - I think one hotel had a 2000 word manifesto about how a hotel tried to kill him...it was crazy. Naturally, I don't take the extremely negative reviews seriously. I think there are people out there who feel that if they spend a dollar, they should be treated like Oprah. H and I are not those types of people. Those type of people are frightening. They are always angling for free deserts - because they didn't have water in the first 30 seconds at a new restaurant. I hate them.

We settled where we started - on the oldest hotel on the island. The Avila Hotel kind of fits the bill for us - its on the beach - apparently a rarity. It is close to the Capital city. And, it looks like it can afford us the opportunity to relax after a long planning process.

Verwezenlijkte opdracht!! (which, I think translates to mission accomplished).

Popping and Locking

2008-12-03T06:03:00.000-08:00

H asked me last night whether the fact that I have not posted in over a week means I love her less. No, sweetheart, that's not what it means.

Wedding central has been quiet the last few weeks. H is looking at dresses - apparently I need level 5 security clearance to have anything to do with this. We have started looking closer at invites. We visited Paper Doll in Wicker Park to get some traction here - there are tons that we like. We even started looking at designing some using envelopments. The Honeymoon is just about planned (more on that in future posts). We have our guest gift - which, I think is a surprise for the guests, so, I am under some direction to be discreet. Lets just say it may be the only thing that H and I have in common with Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. Its shocking sometimes to tell people how far along we are to get a surprised response - are we doing too much?

Also, we finally closed on the Library - which was a struggle in and of itself. I think the most difficult thing about the whole "negotiating" thing with respect to the library is that we had absolutely zero leverage. We have to get married there - there is no question to H and I. So, then, how do we nickel and dime things like the room rental and the food/beverage minimum? I honestly thought the library's initial offer was good. Thank goodness for M - she was a god send here. Apparently, it [the initial pricing] was not that good. H and I have said at least 100 times now that we would be lost without her. We would have no idea what the hell we're doing. We would never counter a vendor's counter-offer. I don't even think we would think to make a counter offer. There is so much we don't understand. In our day to day lives - yes, we manage to get through without hurting ourselves. Wedding stuff - we're anxious and inexperienced. Anyone can tell you that that is a lethal combination. We would probably already blown the budget. 401ks would be opened - second mortgages taken out. It would be a disaster. This is hyperbole - but you get the point.

Entertainment is next - lets just say we're using a DeeJay... and his name might be DJ Indiana Jones. You read that right. Its not set in stone - so maybe thats why I am fighting the urge to attach Harrison Ford's pictures to this post...stay tuned.

Happy Birthday Bubs -

2008-11-21T12:48:00.000-08:00

Today is H's birthday - I would be remiss if I didn't tell all 4 of my readers that (better chance than not that you already knew). One of the things I love about H is just how much she loves little events like birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas - they are really important to her and she gets really excited for them. Its really...cute. Can I say cute? No matter - its just one of those things I really enjoy about her - you cannot help but get caught up in the holiday euphoria when you're with her.

I have a special night planned. I have been trying to give her her gifts for over ten days. I won't spoil it here with details (hyperlinking to follow), but I am really excited.

Happy Birthday baby.

UPDATE

I know that my loyal readers will be interested to know about H's birthday extravaganza. In a word - it was perfect. With the wedding and the economy, our nights out have been fewer and farther (further?) between...so, going out for a big night out has taken on a new meaning for us. If I can brag for a moment - I think I delivered on Friday night. We had an amazing night filled with terrific conversation, food, drinks and company.

Per our custom, we don't tell the other where we are going to take the other for the birthday. I had made 8:00 reservations at Takashi. Its a place that we have wanted to try for sometime. Its in the old Syclla space - which we just love - we took our parents there the weekend we introduced them to each other. So, the space, itself, carries a special meaning for us...and it was just named in Esquire magazine as one the Country's top 20 new restaurants. Not bad at all. I made reservations almost 2 months ago. Needless to say, it almost killed me to keep from examining the menu and researching the place to death.

Before Takashi, however, we had a stop to make. We have long talked about making plans to have drinks at The Violet Hour. It was fitting that it was H's birthday to finally make good on those ideas. If there is a cooler place in Chicago, I want to hear about it. The understated, vintage feel was worth it alone - add to that some innovative and crafted cocktails - and you had us. The most disappointing thing about the Violet Hour, we decided, was that it took us so long to try it. Now we're looking for a time to go back.

It is a short cab ride to Takashi from the Violet Hour - we were on time and seated. Immediately, you get the vibe that Takashi is a step above. Everyone wished H a happy birthday and they gave us a nice corner table by the window on the top level. The food was insanely good (highly recommend the Grilled Octopus as a hot appetizer). Our entrees were both pinch perfect (she had the Fluke - I had the chicken in a clay pot). Neither of us were uncomfortably full after the meal - which is nice for a change. We loved this place (I have already e-mailed several friends to recommend it). The subtleties make the difference to us at a restaurant - neither of us could say one bad thing about this place...

Best Birthday ever? I know there was no easy bake oven involved, but I would like to think so. It was one of our nights that I won't forget.

Why I'm Marrying Her: No. 820

2008-11-15T07:55:00.000-08:00

Last night, H and I met for drinks after work. We grabbed some to-go and headed home to watch a movie. Once the movie was over, I decided to go to bed (it was 11:30 PM afterall).

H stayed up, drank a bottle of wine and watched r&b videos until 4AM.

Tying one on...

2008-11-13T07:52:00.000-08:00

Interestingly enough, one of the more talked about decisions (read: thing I keep bringing up until I get my way) is what I am going to wear to my own wedding...

I loathe (yes, loathe!) rented tuxes. I have spent nearly $1500 in rented tuxedos over the course of the last 10 years...and all I have to show for it is a rash. There is little else I dislike more than a rented tux (a pin tie on the DJ while he plays the b-52's is the only thing that remotely comes close). The scratchy shirt. The ill fitting (PLEATED!!!) pants. The clunky shoes. Its all for the birds. I will not make my groomsmen wear tuxedos (you're welcome). I can't justify it. I'm a better friend than they are (you know, if you made me rent a tux).

I am a fan of Jcrew suits - flat front pants - cut for the tall-ish. I would wear it when I am not, you know, getting married. Perfect for my wedding. Understated and classic. I have my eye on one or two. You can take the guy out of Miami...

This is where H and I diverge - I have no interest in being buttoned up, or having a tie on at my own wedding. I think everyone thinks I am joking. But I am serious. Seriously. Despite my job - its not how I live my life. The second I am out of court, that tie is off. More than that - I like the look of a suit with no tie. I'm more comfortable, thereby, more confident (I think). Isn't that what we all want. Of course, there is compromise - I just don't think H (or her mother) are going to go for it.

I think I am going to lose this battle. I am prepared to lose this battle. Its just that when we watch Bridezillas, those crazy [girls] do everything short of holding their breath until they get what they want. Maybe I should start practicing...

The Story so far...

2008-11-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

I have been doing this a whole week - I have tons of material (seriously, just wait until I break down the Lisa Copola episodes of Bridezillas). I promised H that when I became comfortable with the content of this blog, she can start letting people know about it...I have, so has she. Ultimately, we hope to use this space as an information center for our guests as well as a source of my constant panic induced spell checked ramblings...I have enjoyed it so far - its been cathartic. I love writing about H and I.

In the coming months, I am looking forward to putting all of the little touches that typify H and I together for one hell of a party for our friends and especially, our families, then recounting it here for you. There is still a ton to do...Everyone has been so awesome thus far - H's mom and Stepdad (who's input I have really appreciated) for supporting us and our decisions and going out of their way to see things when we can't; her aunt M for being so excited for her niece and coming up with some great ideas and putting us in contact with the right people; my Mom - who is just so excited to have another daughter-in-law (after raising 4 boys, who can blame her?); and our friends, who help keep us grounded during these first stressful months...we hear that we are almost through Phase 1 and then there will be some downtime. That cannot get here soon enough...

So, apparently, I have been tagged...

2008-11-11T07:49:00.000-08:00

I was tagged earlier this morning by Bailee's Bride from Bailee's Bride - a blog for brides (and the people and pooches who humor them during their momentary departure from sanity)

I am new to this blog game - so, I don't want to be blackballed by the Wedding Blogger's union or really any union (though, if we could have a Dan Sears v. Steve Sanders "KEG" House blackball ceremony, I could get behind that). A little something about Bailee's Bride, while I am thinking about it...I like her site. H likes her site...it turns out that she knows the author from their days in law school. If you read her posts, you will probably notice one or two similarities - namely, we are all getting married in Indianapolis - and we all have impeccable taste in planners...small world. In any event, H, e-mailed her yesterday, so I appreciate the shout-out.

That said, I will only go to third base on this one. I linked to Bailee's Blog. Its only fair. I will talk about myself...which, obviously, I love. I'll even link to other blogs - because, despite the fact that English departments across the country blame "blogs" and "blogging" for the decline of appropriate and even thought-provoking writing - these seven are - at the very least - written well enough or cleverly enough to hold my attention (despite my rock hard standards). I'm just not going to go and post and force them to link to me. I don't even know if I want that much action here.

First, here are the rules I must follow for being tagged:
1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by including links to their blog.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog!

Without further adieu...

1. I routinely wake up at 6 AM to watch Arsenal football matches and drink heavy beers...
2. I read Kurt Vonnegut's entire catalogue in the summer between my Junior and Senior years at Miami
3. I want to take comedy classes - not improv though, just comedy writing.
4. Until last November, I had never been West of Iowa City
5. I hate shoes and socks
6. I don't mind when the Pug licks my feet for 15-20 minutes straight
7. In the last 2 days, I have watched 6 episodes of "Bridezillas" on the WE channel...seriously.

Now, I recommend:
1.) I'm bringing blogging back
2.) Arseblog
3.) It happened last night - Gossip Girl
A must read every Tuesday Morning...
4.) Paper Doll - Chicago
we were in here last week - we love their invitations...and their house Pug, Maude.
5.)Monaville Road
6.) Nathanial Edmunds Phlog
7.) Long Live Locke

OK then - a quick aside - it does not appear that I received the Uber-blog award or whatever I may/may not have been nominated for...stay tuned for my expose on sexism in wedding blogging...

Eleven Eleven...

2008-11-10T08:21:00.000-08:00

Its fitting that tomorrow is Remembrance Day. Three years ago tomorrow, my Dad, Buzz, passed away. It was, without a doubt, the most harrowing, exhausting days of my life.

Buzz and I were close. We talked. He was hilarious. He was understated, introspective and quiet. He worked hard. He was honest. He was proud of my brothers and I. He loved his wife. He had a basic understanding of what was right and he did his best to stay on that side of the line. He was a good man. I try to be like that everyday. A day doesn't pass that I don't wish for one more day with him or that I would have met him for that beer for my 27th birthday or called him back after he left a VM for me describing a Northwestern v. Wisconsin football game days before he went in for the surgery.

I miss him, especially around this time of year. I am saddened by the fact that he never met H. It was almost a full year after he passed away that we met. At times, it is inconceivable to me that the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with only knows my Dad through stories I have told. He would have absolutely adored her. Buzz would have been immediately taken by H's energy, her passion and compassion - just like I was. I wish that I could hear my Dad's old stories about me (the one's he always told my GFs when they first came to the house) just one last time (and that H could hear them as well, of course). They would have been fun to be around. H is the type of woman who can take a joke. My Dad was the type of guy that liked to hand it out a little.

The fact that his presence at our wedding will be resorted to a candle and a photograph hurts. I would have liked to have him there. I would have liked to hear his speech at the Rehearsal dinner. I would have loved to see him try to dance with my Mom. I would like that moment, when I catch his eye, raise my glass and nod in his direction - a thank you for being my Dad. These are amongst the things I will be thinking about on September 12, 2009, when H and I are married.

The last time I saw him I was leaving his room at the care center. I shook his hand and turned around as I left and said "I love you Dad" and then repeated it to make sure he knew...

You are missed...

Act I, Scene I

2008-11-07T13:01:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, H and I suffered a pretty significant loss...Starfish Sushi - the location of our first date (2 years ago today), had just up and closed on us. No warning. No dear John letter. Just locked doors and a bright orange City of Chicago sticker was all that was left. When H learned of this news, she was noticeably disappointed - she takes these things hard...when she lost her cell phone last March - she was hysterical. She had lost all of the messages - including the first VM - that I had left her ("Hi - this is [T] - the hyper-sensitive gorilla you met Saturday...") and some of my more randy (spelling) text messages. This was kind of like that. We only had a few dates at SFS - the last of which was a year ago - for our last anniversary... that did not darken the special place in our collective hearts for its slightly off maki and lychee martinis. We must have sat in the front booth by the door for hours that night - first, nervously working around the edges of conversation and then, as the night grew more comfortable, laughing, discussing and sharing our stories - life with H, for the most part, is effortless, we get eachother - and that night, at our old friend, was the beginning.It was (and is) a part of our history - the starting point...our Lexington (or Concord?). Act I, Scene I. The first chapter of our story...

So, tonight, we'll begin new traditions... Graham Elliot. We are excited - we have heard wonderful things. But we'd be remiss if we didn't miss Starfish just a little...

Thank God we made it...

2008-11-07T04:33:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today - after several all night phone calls (the type of calls you have when you first start talking), H and I met outside Thompson Center for our first date - it has been butterflies ever since.

Happy Anniversary bubs. I love you.

About Us

2008-11-06T10:53:00.000-08:00

NEP sent us a questionnaire when we booked them as our photographers. I eat this stuff up - getting H to sit down for a moment and fill it out took some work, but last Sunday, we found some time to hammer it out. I was pleased with the results. We're funny-ish.

What are three favorite things you like to do together (i.e. grocery store shopping, reading the newspaper at a café, rock climbing, walking, going to the movies, etc.)

1.) Taking the Pug to the Montrose Dog Beach; 2.) sitting on our roof deck in the summer with a stack of magazines and cold drinks; 3.) meeting after work on a Friday for a martini at the Paramount Room - our favorite bar/lounge; 4.) (Can we pick four?) - we love lazy weekend lunches/brunches.

Name three places you have been together that are especially unique.

Because of our jobs, we don't get to travel as much as we would like, but 1.) Classic Korean Karaoke in Korea Town, here in Chicago; 2.) Hayes Street in San Francisco (we saw a drive-by shooting in the Mission, though); and 3.) We visited Oxford, OH in 2007 - which was unique since we both went to Miami at the same time, but never met - so, it was our first time there together - almost 10 years after [T] graduated.

Name three personality traits for each of you.

We picked three things for each other: [T] says H is 1.) Hilarious - nobody makes me laugh like she does; 2.) Quirky - she sees the world a little differently and I love that; 3.) Brilliant - she constantly reminds me that she is Phi Beta Kappa - I love that she is secretly Nerdy.

H says [T] is 1.) Creative - he often breaks into song with his own lyrics made up on the fly- most of the time they make sense; 2.) Funny/Witty - that's what he brings to the table; and 3.) Loyal - he doesn't quit on people.

When you can do anything you want to, what do you do?

H - naps/lays down/zones out/decompresses - basically, she sleeps; T - watches Arsenal soccer; Together - we continually ask each other "what do you want to do?" and then go to lunch in the neighborhood, where we have slightly too much to eat/drink, [then] H sleeps and T watches Soccer.

What do you think is most unique about you as a couple?

We love that we have this comfort level around each other - we are always laughing and feel that other people, when they meet us, can see a great couple that really just enjoys the company of the other. We compliment each other in both subtle and obvious ways and we are one another's biggest cheerleader.

Anything we could say to really make you laugh?

T's first nickname for H was "pee-bag" - thats sure to get a laugh.

Yes. She. Did.

2008-11-05T18:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, before I left to vote, I left a post-it note for H, which read "I vote for you."

When I got home, there was a note from her that said "I voted for change. Whoops."

Nice.

These Pictures Better be Worth more than a Thousand Words

2008-11-05T14:51:00.000-08:00

Its embarrassing. As I have said so far, I don't think I anticipated doing much of anything by ways of planning for this wedding. H really did just tell me to do the honeymoon and that may be it. Now, I am finding more and more that things that were not that important to me are becoming critical to me. A lot of times, this happens when M forwards on some information or gives us a website to check out. Maybe I am so de-sensitized by all the weddings that I have been to over the years that I figured all the amenities that come with the wedding are pretty interchangeable. There is no difference between this invite and that invite. These flowers and those. Anyone can DJ a party, right?

I was wrong. Dead wrong. And I am going to have the pictures to prove it.

Great Pictures! but maybe not for us.

We have a budget. Despite what you read here, we are doing our best to be cost conscious. We think its working, for the most part. One of the areas where we really anticipated saving some money was with the photographer. My Mom has been working weekends at a wedding photography studio for over the last decade. It was something she always loved to do and she and my Dad (who worked there for a while as well) used it as a means to cultivate their love for photography. This studio has been good to my Mom. She loves meeting with the brides (rarely the grooms)(see what I am doing there?). She loves putting together the proof books. Its really something she enjoys. I think in part due to her loyalty to this studio, it did not charge full freight for my youngest brother's wedding last September. This really helped them out. And they really liked the photos.

We understood that that same offer would be extended to us, if we chose my Mom's studio. We thought of the money we could save. The things we could do with it. What if we...*gasp*...came in under budget?!? There was one slight problem. We really didn't like the style of the photographs. This is not to say that they weren't good. The photographer is very good. He was just too traditional for us. We envisioned a pretty lively party - we wanted someone to capture all of that, plus, we wanted a more photo-journalistic approach - with lots of candid shots. We would do the traditional pics, but really wanted the focus to be on the randomness of the event. We didn't know if this option would be able to do that...but ultimately, we may have been resigned to letting him try. I mean, weddings aren't cheap. This would have been found money.

I blame this one on M. She e-mailed H and I six Indianapolis photographers to look at - a few weren't for us, a few we liked, but one, Nathanial Edmunds Photography, we absolutely fell head-over-heels, we have to have them do our wedding, in love with. From the moment we opened their "phlog" we were hooked. They had such a style. Each of shoots had a very personal feel, like they spent a week at the couple's home and got to know them and their personalities. If the couple had a little edge - you could tell. The photos told that story. But then, if there was a devout christian couple, you could see that as well from their photos. Plus, they were local - they knew Indianapolis and they knew M.

Had we not seen this site, we may have been OK with the cost conscious option. But the fates intervened...

We struggled with this. I mean, there was a cost-benefit analysis somewhere in all of this photography business. Were we crazy? Yes. And yes, they were more expensive. Were we really ready to spend the extra money? YES.WE.WERE. We had drinks at the Paramount Room that Friday night. As the basement flooded there, H and I talked about all this photography business. It became increasingly clear that the photographs had taken on a new meaning for me...um, us. What was ancillary to the wedding, now has become one of our biggest needs. I mean, in fifty years, this is all we will really have from that day. And we wanted it to be cool and to tell the story of us on that day - or as M put it - the story of the wedding the way our guests saw it. We thought that NEP were the photographers for this...

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

I had warned M that we were meeting to talk about this that night and may drunk text her - we texted her that we HAD to have NEP and she went straight to work on them. The date, we understood, was tentatively booked. Apparently, though, the other couple was unresponsive. NEP was not pleased. There were ultimatums. There were blown deadlines. There was begging. It was really here, that I understood just how competitive this wedding thing is. There are a finite number of quality vendors out there and we all fight like grade schoolers for them. Late Saturday night, in a frantic text/phone call/e-mail/facebook wall post/phone call/e-mail, we got them. Within hours, we were FB friends with NEP, and looking at all sorts of questionnaires. I couldn't sign the contract fast enough.I couldn't wait to share the news with H - who had been in the office all day and then took a cooking class that night (which is basically a reason to power-bomb wine and make mashed potatoes). All of it was exhilirating and I am so excited that we got the photographer that we need to shoot this wedding. I have not been able to stop thinking about it and I am constantly checking their phlog (I will use this word until it catches on) for updates...its crazy to me that something which was so, SO down the list of important things to me in all of this, is now the thing I am most excited about - I cannot wait to see what they can do.

Who says Flower Girls need to be Human?

2008-11-05T14:26:00.000-08:00

We are intent on making the Pug part of the wedding. Strangely, this has been met with more resistance than our decision to forego getting married in a Church. Which is hilarious. Granted, we see the logistical nightmare to having this snorting, scratching, wheezing, begging little monster hanging out between our feet as we get married and then terrorizing our guests as they sip on their vodka sodas.

But on the other hand...we literally spend most of our time together playing, staring, and laughing at the Pug. We were asked recently about our three favorite things to do together - No. 1 on the list was taking the Pug to the Montrose Beach Dog park. We fall apart if we even think about life without this little terrorist. She sleeps in our bed and shares my pillow - I haven't had a good night's sleep in two weeks, but every time I get home, I kiss H hello and then grab this dog.

Is it strange that I am even entertaining this? Lets figure this out. I may not want this just for H. This one might be for me too. Who says the groom doesn't get to have say?

She's Just Monica from the Block

2008-11-05T08:28:00.001-08:00

How did we know that we needed a wedding planner? Because we were about to kill eachother, that's how.

We have a date. We have a venue. What we don't have is our sanity. H's work schedule has become insane in the weeks following the engagement. She got drafted in to second chair a $9 mil wrongful death matter in one of the suburban courts. Its just two weeks - 15 hours a day during the most critical time of the planning. No biggie. Now, trials are a strange bitch - during the week prior and through the duration of the trial, you eat, sleep, drive and shower with the facts of the case. You have nightmares about the cross-examinations. You have nightmares that your lead witness suddenly changed his/her testimony. You have nightmares that the Mark Paul Gosselaar legal drama on TNT will get picked up for another season. It sucks. Not just for you, but for everyone around you.

This made things difficult. H had no time during the day to make decisions. And, at night, she didn't want to deal with the wedding. Simply put, she wasn't into this and it was driving a wedge between us. Finally, in typical fashion, I aired my grievances in a phone call while she was at work...this wedding, with the way it was going, may break us - we entertained just taking the money and running - we'd just go to the Justice of the peace and have him marry us. We agreed that "we" were more important than "it" (the wedding), but if we really wanted to go through with this, we would need a planner.

Thankfully, everyone and their hairdresser knows a planner. I had clients suggesting people. Bus Drivers. The Fed EX lady that I think is crushing on me...it was crazy. I think there is a quiet understanding amongst people that just have been married that the planning part of the day is insanely stressful...some people may love it. We were not those people. All advice was welcomed.

(Baby's) Breath of Fresh Air

Ultimately, we sought counsel from the events coordinator at the Indianapolis Public Library - where, if you have been following - is where we are planning to get married. Nora suggested Monica Richard of Detail + Design. Within an hour or two, Monica had e-mailed and attempted to set up a time to speak. We loved this...we hadn't even been introduced, but she was making the first move. This never happened to me in college.

From the start Monica (hereafter "M") was awesome...she reached out to H and helped assuage some of her wedding planning anxieties. She was professional. She was cool. I think we knew before we even set up the date with her, that we were going to use her. As I talked about earlier, we were in Indy to look at the sites (and for a wedding)(which I may not have talked about earlier). We set up a time to meet with M. She asked us for a "wants" list and a "don't want" list regarding our wedding - it was supposed to be 6 things total - M got more than she bargained for - our list was 42 things long. We're picky. Some of the favorites of the "don't want" list: Ties; religion; and the bouquet toss. Traditions be damned.

The First Date

I was really anxious about meeting M. It was my understanding that she only did 10-12 weddings a year. So, this meeting, to me, at least, was about impressing upon her that we were cool. Which can be hard for me. I get nervy. I talk too much. I make uncomfortable jokes. How has H stayed with me? How did I ever get a second date when I am this fumbly and geeky?

Not surprisingly, H shined at this meeting and her and M really hit it off. It was a match made in heaven. My future Mother-in-Law was in tow (she and H wore matching outfits...no kidding). She was even impressed. Apparently, we impressed upon M enough that we were OK people and she agreed that she could make herself available to us. We took a day to decide and called M on our way back to the CHI. We were in...the check is in the mail. I was thrilled. We hadn't budgeted for this, but, god willing, M has been our savior. As I cruised at 85 MPH north on I-65, the tension that could have have been our biggest obstacle, was lifted.

Why I'm Marrying Her: No. 819

2008-11-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

The other morning I woke up typically early - maybe 7:30 AM or so and took the dog for a walk, made coffee and caught up on shows that I am not allowed to watch during the week (a by-product of living together that they never tell you about).

The Pug kept waking up and staring at the back of our condo - where the bedrooms are. I thought "no way H is up - its only 9:15 AM" (she would sleep until it was dark out if I'd let her). I went back to the bedroom around 10:30 AM and saw two perfect stacks of laundry: whites and darks, separated on the floor. H was sleeping. Apparently, she woke up, separated her laundry, and, after finding it too taxing, she went back to bed. I could only laugh. It is well documented that I hate the hours that she sleeps and I am awake. But this was totally worth it.

Welcome to the Monkey House

2008-11-04T14:23:00.000-08:00

H and I are not a typical couple. We pride ourselves on it. We like restored dishware with skulls on it. We own pistol bookends and a gun vase. We watch ghost hunting shows and dissect them more than we did the election. We're not edgy. But we're not traditional either. This meant that there would be no church. This also meant that the location where we got married had to be real unique.

We still get the cake, right?

H and I spoke about getting married for a while. We figured we would get married back at Miami (where we both went to school), that way we could create a memory of Oxford of us together. We even went as far as telling all our friends - most of whom are Miami grads as well, that they should get their drinking caps on - because we're forcing them to go back to school.

Despite H's mother's advice that we secure a date and place immediately, We decided to take a few days to just enjoy being engaged - like every couple should do. That may have been our first mistake. Naturally, every place in Oxford was booked by the time that we called. We could have compromised and planned a wedding over Thanksgiving Break or in the dead of winter, but that was not really what we wanted. That, and O-town (as we affectionately call it) lacks certain "unique" party spaces. There was Marcum Conference Center and Shriver Center. The only thing, we thought, that separated these venues from the Concord Banquet Hall in Lake Zurich, Illinois was that these were in Ohio. This made it easy to justify our decision not to get married at Miami after all.

We haven't had the heart to break it to our friends that Oxford is not going to happen. *Sigh*

Books bound in Leather and the rich smell of mahoganey.

In a very short time, we went from having our dream wedding in a quaint college town with all our friends and $0.25 wings and penny pitchers to being venue-less and idea-less. H's greatest fear was about to be realized: we were going to have to get married in Indianapolis. Now, this isn't to say that Indy is not a great town: it is. Its closer, there are more options, the prices are good, there are hotels to stay at. I just don't think this was what she wanted...at all. It may give too many people too much of a say in all of this. We have to include more and more people in the planning. We have to rely on people for their knowledge with respect to the area. Oxford - fine, its a blank slate - people have no opinions. Indianapolis - suddenly, we are entertaining opinions. They're like belly-buttons. This has been the toughest part for me - us - the managing of expectations of everyone else. I want to make people happy, but most of all, I want H to be happy.

We procrastinated (a theme for us) and spent one Sunday night - a week after the engagement - looking at unique venues on-line. There were several and we found ourselves getting excited about the process. Maybe we could have a cool wedding in Indy? Is that possible? That's when we saw it. In fairness, this one is all H (with a slight wink to my sister-in-law Jill and Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City). She seemed to recall the Indianapolis public library being kind of cool. We went on-line. It, in fact, was cool. Real cool. And affordable. Is this it? We wanted it...bad.

I was all over this. The next morning I stalked the Library, until I was able to get some information. It was available - it was sweet. Everyone over there was extremely helpful. I put a lot of credence into the idea that we have to like who we decide to work with. To put it mildly, I loved the vibe from everyone at the Library. They were energetic. They were trying to grow a event business at the facility. I may have logged 4 or 5 billable hours speaking to these ladies over the next few days. H and I were pretty sure that we wanted to get married here - so, we signed the rental agreement and crossed our fingers. We arranged for a time to see it when we would be in town. The problem, however, was that this being Indianapolis, we had to hear everyone else out. H's mother and aunt were big fans of a private club on the circle. We agreed to see it before we made any decisions (though, I think the decision had been made). I loved this place - it was old school. Like where you'd expect a Gossip Girl wedding to be held if Dan and Serena finally come to their senses (Little J and Nate?). This was a blessing - its great when your two decisions are both places you can deal with. The club, however, kept stressing tradition and "making it look like a church." That was kind of a turn off for us. You can have all the carved walls and marble floor in the world, but don't you dare think that making something look like a church is a good selling point to us.

Over to the library. It was a no-brainer. This place is ridiculous. The lighting. The old and new. The fact that Vonnegut's name is engraved in the wall (see what I did there...the title makes sense now). This was "us."I think we could have spent the entire day in there. I could sense H getting into this. Her mother was a little more reserved - which worried me. I really want her to love the decisions we make. Ultimately, though, this is our decision. We called the club and released the date - we were library or bust.

Text the exes: we're engaged.

2008-11-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

I am sure that everyone says this: I don't like the word "blog." I don't blog. I have never blogged. I don't even like responding to group e-mails. In fact, seldom do I e-mail more than one person at a time. Too much pressure. Too many eyes. E-mail is so much more personal to me. Meant for one person. Unless, you know, its an evite. That said, I am just as surprised as you that I am here...writing to you. My goal, really, is to chronicle my engagement and then ultimately gift it to my future wife, so she can tuck it into the back of the scrapbook that my mother has probably already started to put together. Yes, to answer your whispers, I am whipped.

And the truth is I am embarrassed by how "into" this wedding I am. I never expected to have any real responsibility. Sure - I would get to go to the tasting, help pick the DJ/Band, plan the honeymoon - you know, things I can't screw up - but through a crazy series of events and conflicts, I am smack in the middle of the planning - a position that I never thought I would be in, and a position that scares the hell out of me.

Backstory - don't fall in love with us...we're taken.

I think H and I were destined to meet. We went to the same college. We had some of the same friends. We knew similar people in our work lives. But for whatever reasons, I only met H two years ago...at a halloween party. Its fun when we tell people that. Invariably, they ask what did we dress up as. good question. H celebrated the holiday as most single, attention seeking ladies do - dressed as something dirty and agressively power chugging rasberry vodka and sodas (I wore my gorilla outfit (yes, "my" as in mine, showing possession)). Almost from the start (well, at least 10 minutes after her and her friend screamed Bette Midler at me), I was in. I wasn't particularly charming that night. Rude, maybe, but definitely not charming. The facts get blurred, but for whatever reason, I remember making several remarks about the Dove House Women's Shelter. Apparently, H was a sucker for mysoginistic pick-up lines (Mystery might call it negging) and for whatever reasons, H broke her own rules and gave me her number - I called. She screened. My message was gold. She called back. I screened. Repeat. 5 days later, we finally touched base and our first date was soon thereafter. It sounds cheesy when I say it, but from that first date (Starfish Sushi - RIP),(Rumor has it that the text to her best friend once I put her in the cab read three simple words: "Best.Date.Ever.") we have been inseperable. Ultimately, I think we just met each other at the perfect time - when both of us were good enough with ourselves that we could commit to each other. Seriously. We moved in together the following May...thats 7 months for those who count things like that.

The Ring is Burning a Hole in my (cardigan) pocket

I knew pretty early on that I was going to marry this woman. It was such a no-brainer for me. So, I guess that created a certain anti-climaticism (is that a word?) about our impending engagement. We designed a ring to her specifications. I bought it. I stressed. I called her mother for her blessing (maybe more stressful than the actual engagement) and then picked the absolute worst day for H to propose to her - H was swamped with work that day - and had a late meeting, which started at 5:00 PM that Friday. I knew she would be so pissed off by the time she got home, that she would never expect this. I left work early that day, cleaned the house, maybe made a proposal mix CD and waited. And waited. It was 8:15 PM and I was till waiting. I started to stress. I had previously arranged to get some of our family and close friends together at our favorite after-work bar (Paramount Room) to surprise her. Her parents even made the drive in from Indianapolis. They had been at the Paramount since 8:00 PM. They were probably 3-9 drinks in at this point.

H texted me that she was leaving soon. So, I lit candles. I put on a tie and sweater. I put in my super sweet proposal mix CD and sat by the back window, so I'd know the moment she was home. I don't know what I expected here: I think I half-anticipated that she would know I was about to propose when she came in, heard the sweet proposal mix and saw me dressed up in a candle lit room. I may have given her too much credit - H immediately thought that there was an accident and that I was preparing to tell her some bad news. She kept saying "what's going on" and "tell me! did something bad happen!?!" It wasn't until she saw me fumbling around my cardigan pocket, that she knew and settled down a little. Whatever I had planned to say was pretty much resorted to some stream of consciousness "i love you's" and "I want you to marry me's"

She said yes. obviously. We drank some WS champagne and listened to Ray LaMontagne. And then I had to find a way to rush her out the door. I suggested that we go out and celebrate at our favorite bar. I convinced H that my law school friends were meeting us out - you should have seen H's face when we got there - it was insane. If we were popular, or whatever, this would have been our paparazzi well...You can see her eyes follow around - Almost in a perfect circle were her closest friends, my Mom and brother, and then, last, her mother - she screamed. It may have been the best part of the night for her.

We were toasted and drank and drank...until we were the last ones there. We sat there for a moment taking the gravity of our commitment all in. Then we went for late night hot dogs...